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"I feel sick, my stomach clenches,": and I have spent the hours since the Trayvon Martin verdict in a state of shock, disbelief, anger, grief, sorrow, repentance, un-forgiveness, shame, and finally profound numbness.
The emotions I am experiencing are not new to me, the verdict for George Zimmerman is not a new occurrence for me either. However, as a new Christian, having converted from being a Muslim just two and half years ago, I thought I would, or at the very least, I should, have a much different outlook.
In the onslaught of social media posts since the verdict, I have read everything from outrage and unbelief, to joy that George Zimmerman now represented white America's, OJ Simpson. One post read, "You got OJ, we got George Zimmerman." Ironically, most of the posts I read, on both sides of the fence, came from "confessing Christians."
I spent the night tossing and turning trying to make sense of the verdict, but more than that, trying to understand the profound lack of grace, love and mercy I was feeling towards George Zimmerman, his defense team, the jurors, and to be honest, anyone who was happy George Zimmerman was not convicted.
When I awakened Sunday morning I opened my email to find an article written by a friend, and mentor, Dr. David Anderson. His article
Zimmerman Goes Free: Now What? struck a chord in me I was not prepared for.
In Dr. Anderson's article, he talked about prayer. He talked about grace. He talked about reconciliation. He talked about all the things that I, as a Christian, had no interest in hearing about, though I knew in my heart what he said was absolutely the right thing to do.
Shortly after I read the article I sent Dr. Anderson a text message, and I want to share with you part of our corresponding conversation.
Me: I just read your article about Trayvon. My head agrees 100%, but my heart grieves and my spirit is confused. God told us to forgive, show grace, however, did He tell us to lay down? God will only come into this dominion if we call Him. Is He calling us to have grace alone, or is He offering this as an invitation to "take the promised land," as Joshua did in scripture? They shouted down the walls of Jericho, and then they destroyed everything else. I just don't know if God is calling us to do more than pray, but act, not in violence, but not in passivity either. Really struggling with this Pastor.
David Anderson: We are called to prayer in action. I call it "Praction.": As long as we speak for the defenseless with clarity and grace, and yes passion we can stand in the gap. It's hard being a bridge building gracist. I feel disappointment too. This is a moment for my voice to elevate. This is also a time for other voices to elevate, maybe yours?
This conversation sparked the letter I am writing today.
I know that I am not alone in the way I feel, as a Christian, as an African American, as an American, as a human being. I felt the verdict was a personal injustice, a personal affront, a personal bullet into my already war torn body of racism, inequality and discrimination. However, as the day waned on and I took a deeper look, I started to question, what exactly was I angry about and how was my anger, and lack of love and forgiveness reflective of my, your and too many Christians, Christianity today?
The word tells us in Matthew 5:46-48 (NLT) If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.
Trayvon Martin's senseless death is a tragedy. George Zimmerman being found not guilty, in my opinion, is a tragedy. However, the greatest tragedy is we as Christians have allowed a perfect opportunity to show the love, grace, mercy and forgiveness that represents the embodiment of Christ in us, to become a battle defined by race, politics, economics and cultural paradoxes.
As disciples of Christ, we are Christians first, last and foremost. When you and I accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior we turned in our race card, rather black, white, purple or blue. When we as Christians allow Trayvon Martin's death to be drawn along racial lines, the enemy wins. This happens by allowing the enemy to create a smoke screen of racial enmity among God's people, when the real issue is not the color of our skin, but whether our actions and character reflects obedience to God's word.
Yes we will feel angry. Yes we will feel sorrow, pain and heartache, yet, we can not abdicate our responsibility to live out God's word, especially when that is the most Christ-like thing for us to do.
I asked Dr. Anderson was God calling us to do more than pray and show grace? After I thought about his answer of "Praction," prayer and action, I realized that for the believer, there is much work to do.
For me, I know I need to immediately start channeling the frustration and anger I feel into Praction. I challenge each of you who are reading this letter, Christian or not, to walk with me in putting "Praction," to work in our lives.
First, I will pray for George Zimmerman, his family, the defense team and the jurors. I do this because what ever we feel they have done wrong, God loves them all, and only He can make a change in their hearts that will keep them from eternal damnation.
Second, I will pray for Trayvon Martin's family. The word tell us the prayers of the righteous availeth much and I will ask God to mend their hearts, give them peace and help them to forgive George Zimmerman so his sin will not be counted against them through bitterness and un-forgiveness.
Third, I will be much more determined in my prayers for people I don't see eye to eye with. I know that no matter how far the gulf is between two views, the nexus can be found in Christ.
Fourth, I will seek ways in which I can show the love of Christ in areas where it is most difficult to do so. Only when we love those that don't love us, does the love of Christ become activated through us.
Lastly, I will continue to trust God. I know in my heart He is grieved not only by Trayvon's death, but also by the reaction of the Body of Christ to a death we feel went un-avenged, though His word tells us vengeance is His and His alone. God demands that we show love, grace and mercy at all times and we cannot continue to give ourselves a pass, depending on the circumstances.
Trayvon's death was tragic, yet so are the deaths of many many young men and women on our streets and in our communities every day. As believers it is our responsibility to lead the way to reconciliation. It is our duty to take the first step in showing the love of Christ. It is our privilege to stand firm in the knowledge that God's grace, mercy and love knows no limits and no bounds, and everyone, even George Zimmerman, through Christ, is only one revelation away from total transformation.
Servant Leader Kareemah El-Amin is a Holy Fire filled Christian who has been given a prophetic voice to provide revelation, instruction and hope to the nations. She is an anointed psalmist, writer and seer who is the founder of Woman Who Serves Ministries in East Lansing, MI. To contact her for speaking and singing engagements:
