This is another favorite lesson of mine. This lesson really challenges us to be really honest with ourselves by matching our words with our true intent. If we really meant it when we say "I want the peace of God" then we would have it. So there must be other things we want more. And this is something we need to look at very honestly. What is it that we are substituting for the peace of God? Further this lesson addresses the special relationship where our interests are seen as separate from those of our brothers. Thus we believe that our peace and happiness is based on someone else losing so we can win. In other words it is all about our own needs at the expense of the other.

Jesus tells us that "no one can mean these words and not be healed." So I guess we don't really mean them when we say them. That's a challenging thought yet we are urged to just look around at the world and we will see that this is so. If we get up in the morning and read the newspaper instead of spending quiet time in meditation, we are basically saying that the news is more important than our peace. This is not about suggesting that we should feel guilty because we read the paper. No it is only to watch what we do and take note of what we are making important and where our investments are. It is all about willingness to look at our choices based on our thought system of what deem important. 

 Everyone asks for peace in the world, yet how much do we see of peace? And how much peace do we bring to the world? It is something that is easy to talk about and saying the words can fool us into believing that peace is what we really want, yet we need to carefully search our minds to "find the dreams you cherish still."  (8.1) We need to honestly assess what we believe will bring us happiness. My happiness might depend on my partner being a certain way that I have defined as important to my happiness.  "If he would only..........then I would have peace. If the towels were folded a certain way; if the dishes were put away; if the toothpaste was not squeezed from the middle; if he didn't interrupt me; if the garbage was emptied etc etc.   Yet are these foolish requirements and demands more important than peace? Is it worth giving away our peace for such nonsense? And it is all nonsense because it is all illusion. Yet we do give up our peace all the time with regard to these kinds of situations. In fact, when we chose the ego's wrong mindedness in the choice for separation, we chose to throw away our peace but now we are blaming others for taking it from us. We need to ask ourselves, are these things more important than the peace of God?

To us they are because in our scenario we are the hero of our dream. We are the important, special ones who try to get the most for ourselves with the least amount that we must give. This is the continual bargaining that we do as this lesson says. Some days I win and some days you win. But we never join. When I win I feel peaceful because I am getting what I want. When you win, I hold grievances for you having taken what was rightfully mine.

What does it mean to join with someone? It means that we don't see our interests as separate from those of others. We recognize that we all share the same illusion and have the same need to awaken.

 Yesterday I put a chicken on the barbecue and it came out black and charred because I did not attend to it soon enough. We had a friend over for dinner and there was a time that this event would have spoiled dinner for me. I would have crucified myself mercilessly. My self esteem depended on perfection. I could not allow myself to have peace if I did not do things perfectly which ultimately meant that I was not valued by God. Yet God values us regardless. It is only my own judgments of myself that keep me from this knowledge. So we need, in every moment, to look at what our thoughts are. Am I choosing a thought of heaven (peace) or sticking to a thought of hell (anger, judgment, grievance, self condemnation etc) We choose peace moment by moment in each thought. It is recognizing that my peace does not depend on outside conditions. It is to constantly be aware of how subtle our investment in our specialness is and in having our needs met.

 If we're stuck in traffic; burn the dinner; spill the milk; someone beats us to the parking spot; cuts us off in traffic; increases our rent; challenges our integrity....then we see these events as taking our peace from us. But can any event do that unless we give it this power?  Are we victims or can we exercise choice? And when these things happen and we are out of peace, do we crucify ourselves for that or simply recognize that our soul  has generated for us, as part of our script, those events that allow for healing. When we are defended we have hidden our emotions from ourselves and life becomes dry, brittle and dead. Without an open heart, we need excitement to generate a sense of aliveness. But with healing comes new birth. And healing comes through opportunities brought by the soul, to go deeper into our hearts and allow them to open like a flower or to be cracked open. It doesn't matter which. What matters is to have the courage not to turn away from these opportunities and not to continue to defend against them through blame, judgment and defensiveness.

 So we need to get very honest with ourselves and bring to the Holy Spirit "every secret you have locked away from Him.Open every door to Him and bid Him enter the darkness and lighten it away. At your request He enters gladly. He brings the light to darkness if you make the darkness open to Him. But what you hide He cannot look upon." (T.14.7.6) And when we uncover the darkness, it is not to get upset to see that these things are still in our mind. The idea is to be willing to open the door to them and let the light in. Hiding our specialness and spiritualizing it or justifiying it is never helpful to our awakening from this dream.

In lesson 99.8  we were told that what keeping secrets from the Holy Spirit does is create obstacles to joining our will with God's. What are these secrets that we hide from the Holy Spirit? In 8.1 we are asked to search our minds to "find the dreams you cherish still." These can be fantasies of what we think would be pleasant and make us happy and those things that make us angry, ashamed or hateful. Either way, we need to recognize and admit to the obstacles we put in the way of peace. If we truly desire peace, then we will have it. It is not something to search for or to beseech God for because it is already in us.

 On the other hand, if the desires of our heart are for things in the illusion, we can manifest that as well because of the power of our minds. But those things will not bring us peace-only a temporary pleasure. And pleasure and pain are the same. Either one will ultimately just keep us from healing. Either one simply keeps us distracted in the illusion. So we need to let go of our idle wishes that we think we need and want in favor of peace. Even when we are asking the Holy Spirit for something that we think we want in this dream, it does not make it wrong, but we need to recognize that in that case we are just asking for a better dream rather than to be released from the dream.

 In spite of what it may look like, every one of us truly does want the peace of God. It is in our nature. Lesson 231 affirms this when it says that the only thing we want is God's Love....to remember Him. It is true for every one of us no matter what it may look like. (10.2) And it is true even for those who are not aware of it. (10.4) So we are asked to remember this longing that is in everyone when we interact with them, even when they are not aware of it in themselves. We need to be willing to join together for this purpose. That is how this Course came into being. "When the wish for peace is genuine, the means for finding it is given in a form each mind that seeks for it in honesty can understand."

 When Bill said to Helen, that he wanted to find a better way of being in the world than the strife that he and Helen were experiencing and she agreed to help him find it, then in their joining together on this mission, in a united goal, the form given to them was this Course. And through it, the world has been changed. That is the power of minds joining in one intent, that they "become so strong that what they will becomes the Will of God." 

 "Yet minds can only join in truth. In dreams no two can share the same intent." What this means is that in a special relationship where we look like we are joining in the same goal, the reality is that we are really looking out for our own personal interests. The ego is self serving. There is a changing pattern in the special relationship of gainers and losers...of competing desires. One always loses as the other gains. In my dream, I am the hero and in your dream you are the hero and we bargain with each other. It may look like union but union in truth is when each person sets aside their own interests and commits to the best for the other. That is true joining and that is a holy relationship which has the power to change the world. Does that mean it is a perfect relationship, in this world of form? Not at all. In fact the relationship can be very difficult as it was in Helen and Bill's case. It is only in the agreement to join for the purpose of healing that the relationship is made holy. It is all about the purpose and the goal of the relationship. And it only requires one to heal the relationship. The person may not even be currently in your life. It is not about bodies joining but only minds. And joining with them does not mean that they have to join with you. It is what is happening in your own mind. The ultimate goal is the recognition of our oneness.

 So, yes it is challenging and fortunately we have the help of the Holy Spirit in looking at our desires honestly.  We are told not to be dismayed by the lingering illusions that we cling to still. The dream of wanting to be a special course student is still a dream and no different than a sexual fantasy or a dream of having a new car. Either way, we are dreaming.

 So today we make a strong affirmative statement. " I want the peace of God". It is not only a statement but a request in statement form. And all we have to realize is that we already have it. It is already ours as given by God  and that is something we can't change. We ask for what we have already and are simply not aware of it. (11.3) Again, it is looking at how we are blocking the truth by the thoughts we are holding in our minds and being willing to look at them and bring them to the light. That just means we are looking from our right mind with Jesus and being willing to let them go. 

Ask yourself, what am I asking for in my heart? (8.2) Today devote your practice periods to careful searching of your mind, to find the dreams you cherish still. (8.1) Forget the words you use in making your requests.   Consider but what you believe will comfort you, and bring you happiness.  But be you not dismayed by lingering illusions, for their form is not what matters now.  Let not some dreams be more acceptable, reserving shame and secrecy for others.  They are one.  And being one, one question should be asked of all of them, "Is this what I would have, in place of Heaven and the peace of God?" (8.4-8)

So let's commit to bring all of our dreams, all of our shame, our guilt, our fears to the truth so that they can be healed and we can know the peace and joy that is our inheritance. And if anything shows up to upset you today, be willing to see that you are holding the upset because of your fear of the love that is in you. In other words what we are doing by holding onto upsets is pushing the love that we are away from ourselves and choosing to maintain our individuality. But the cost is our peace and our joy.

 Blessings, peace and love, Sarah