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Post Adoption Resource Center
of Southern Wisconsin
A program of Catholic Charities
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A Walk in the PARC Newsletter
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Adoptive Moms
by Kirsten Johanson
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The following blog post is from a local adoptive mom who attended January's "Adoptive & Foster Moms' Night Out". Please join us for the next Moms' Night Out on Tuesday, April 11, 2017, 6:30pm-8:30pm, at Cool Beans Cafe, Madison.
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A couple of years ago, I was brought to my knees by an article in The Huffington Post called “Dear Mom of an Adopted Child.” I was in the midst of waiting for an adoption match. The process caused me to be very focused inward at the time. Of course, the end result would separate our child from his family of birth and unite him with our family. In the coming months and years my sense of self would change. I would stop seeing adoption in the view of how it changes me and I would focus on how it changes my son, his birth mother, his birth father, his birth and adoptive grandparents, my family, my friends, and my community. I would be brought to my knees time and again with the weight and magnitude of love, loss, family, community, bravery, empathy, compassion, and vulnerability.
I share the article [above] because it encompassed where I was two years ago. Last night I realized that it still strongly resonates with me. I met with a group of adoptive moms for coffee. I teared up when a woman in front of me said “hi” while we were ordering our coffee. She knew. She knew that I would be headed to the same room as her in the back of the coffee shop. She knew at first glance that I was a kindred spirit. She knew that I was an adoptive mom.
A group of adoptive moms meet quarterly in my area for coffee. This was my first visit to the group. I was the first woman to cry that night, but I was not the last. We shared without back story. We shared without side notes to explain a home study, adoption education requirements, termination of parental rights, open versus closed adoptions, or adoption terminology. We shared with understanding. We shared with the longing to hear others echo our thoughts and voices and concerns.
I recently finished listening to Brene Brown read her book Rising Strong. At the end of the book, she includes her Manifesto of the Brave and Brokenhearted. Adoptive mamas, this is us.
“MANIFESTO OF THE BRAVE AND BROKENHEARTED There is no greater threat to the critics and cynics and fearmongers Than those of us who are willing to fall because we have learned how to rise With skinned knees and bruised hearts; We choose owning our stories of struggle, Over hiding, over hustling, over pretending. When we deny our stories, they define us. When we run from struggle, we are never free. So we turn toward truth and look it in the eye. We will not be characters in our stories. Not villains, not victims, not even heroes. We are the authors of our lives. We write our own daring endings. We craft love from heartbreak, compassion from shame, grace from disappointment, courage from failure. Showing up is our power. Story is our way home. Truth is our song. We are the brave and brokenhearted. We are rising strong.” — Brene Brown, Rising Strong
We craft love from heartbreak.
The new addition of our family, the new love, the expansion of our unit — this all comes from the heartbreak of others. Our lives, our families, our stories are Brene’s words. Mamas, stay strong. We are rising strong.
“Showing up is our power.
Story is our way home.
Truth is our song.
We are the brave and brokenhearted.
We are rising strong.”
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The 2017 Federal Adoption Tax Credit
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There is great news for prospective adoptive parents. The federal adoption tax credit that had expired on December 31, 2012, was reenacted in the beginning of 2013. Indeed, Congress not only revived the tax credit in the American Taxpayer Relief Bill, it made it permanent.
For 2017, the federal adoption tax credit is $13,570...
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AROUND THE PARC
Upcoming events in and around southern Wisconsin
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Introduction to Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI®) Seminar
Presenter: Lori DuRussel, TBRI® Trainer
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Tuesday, April 4, 2017,
6pm - 8pm
Post Adoption Resource Center
Holy Name Heights, 702 S. High Point Road
Madison WI 53719
Parenting is challenging! As your child moves through tantrums, sulks, anxiety,
and rages, it can be tough to know how to parent effectively. This is particularly true in adoptive or foster families where children have experienced early trauma or loss.
TBRI® is an attachment-based, trauma-informed parenting approach designed to help parents meet the complex needs of vulnerable children. Join us in this introductory seminar to learn the basics of TBRI and get some specific tools to not only manage your child’s behavior, but a
lso to strengthen your connection to your child.
(608) 826-8009, or (800) 236-4673 Toll-Free
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Adoptive & Foster Moms’ Night Out
Tuesday, April 11, 2017, 6:30pm – 8:30pm
Cool Beans Café, 1748 Eagan Road, Madison, WI 53704
Join PARC for an evening connecting with other moms. Open to all pre-adoptive, post-adoptive, and foster moms. We will meet in the private room in the back of the café.
RSVP to Judi at [email protected] (608) 826-8009 or (800) 236-4673
Note: If there are dads interested in forming a "Dads' Night Out", please email [email protected]
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Always in My Heart:
REMEMBERING A BIRTHMOTHER'S LOVE
A Retreat for Birthmothers
Saturday, May 6, 2017,
10am - 4pm
Retreat Location:
Catholic Charities
Adult Day Center
1919 N 60th Street
Milwaukee, WI 53208
This day is for birthmothers at any stage in their adoption
journey,
whether they've placed many years ago or just last week.
With opportunities to share (as they are comfortable) stories and hear
from
other birthmothers, the hope is that they are able to build a
support system
through shared experiences and each other.
Come for a day of self-care and learning!
Cost: FREE
Registration required. Deadline to register is April 17th.
For more information and to register, please contact:
Post Adoption Resource Center at (800) 236-4673 (Toll-Free)
Judi at
[email protected]
OR Jessica at
[email protected]
(608) 826-8009 (608) 826-8015
PRESENTED BY: Catholic Charities of the Dioceses of Green Bay, LaCrosse,
Madison, and Milwaukee
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SAVE THE DATE
Annual PARC Adoptive Family Picnic
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Saturday, June 24, 2017
11:30am - 1:30pm
Lake Farm Park, Shelter #1
4330 Libby Road in Madison
~FREE~
An afternoon of food and fun for adoptive families. Entertainment will include
face painting by Funny Faces Family Entertainment as well as the MSCR Fit2Go van.
Stay tuned. More details to follow!
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Grief and Loss in Adoption Webinar
Thursday, May 11, 2017 from 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM (CDT)
Cost $20/person
The profound loss that is experienced before an adoption occurs deserves to be acknowledged and grieved. The adoption triad consists of the birth/biological family, the adoptive parents, and the adopted person. The loss for birth families weighs heavily within the adoption triad with many unknowns. The loss for adoptive parents may also include infertility and/or expectations of a child. The loss an adopted person experiences is often overshadowed by the gains of an adoption.
About the Trainer
Jaclyn Skalnik is the founder of Adoption Wellness and is also a transracial, internationally adopted person. Jaclyn earned a Master’s degree in Social Work from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. She has assisted a
doptive families throughout their adoption processes for nearly two decades.
Sponsored by the Coalition for Children, Youth & Families
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A week of Holt camp will be one of the best experiences of your life. Along with other adoptees, you’ll have the chance to try new things, make new friends and discuss issues that are important and unique to adoptees.
July 23-27, 2017 – Sunday thru Thursday
For more information or to ask direct questions about camp, staff, campsites, etc., please contact:
Pame Chow, Holt Camp registrar
541-687-2202 ext. 122
[email protected]
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ADOPTION LIBRARY
BOOKS RECENTLY ADDED
Helping Your Child with Extreme Picky Eating: A Step-by-Step Guide for Overcoming Selective Eating, Food Aversion, and Feeding Disorders
, Rowell MD, Katja
A
Long Way Home: A Memoir
, Brierley, Saroo
(NOTE: The recent movie Lion was based on this book.)
You Don't Look Adopted
, Heffron, Anne
To Have and Not to Hold: The Bonding of Two Mothers Through Adoption
, Lorri Benson
Real Sisters Pretend
, Lambert, Megan Dowd
Casting Lots: Creating a Family in a Beautiful, Broken World
, Silverman, Susan
Korean American Adoptees, Asian American Experiences, and Racial Exceptionalism (Asian American Studies Today)
, Park Nelson, Kim
As Real As It Gets
, Amanda Barton
Parenting Adopted Teenagers: Advice for the Adolescent Years
, Staff, Rach
Click HERE to see the complete adoption library list. If you would like to borrow any of the resources, please send an email to [email protected].
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The Post Adoption Resource Center of Southern Wisconsin is a program of Catholic Charities Madison in partnership with the Wisconsin Department of Children and Families.
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