The Jazzonian

From the demented mind of Rusty Taylor
Jester and Vocalist for jazz band
Southern Standard Time
A Weekly Newsletter
February 19, 2018 A.D.

...is a jazzonian e-newsletter published weekly unless the author is somehow incapacitated. It details the thriving jazz scene in Columbus, Georgia and the surrounding Chattahoochee Valley, written exclusively by Rusty Taylor, a Mercer alumnus and the jester-singer for the vocal jazz band Southern Standard Time
Salutations

Greetings!...

The moon waxes and wanes in its lunar, ostensibly sempiternal cycle, influencing love and hate in the ebb and flow of terrestrial ambivalence, inundating telluric quintessence with positive illusions then acquiescing to a more pejorative state as contentment morphs into contentiousness then visa-versa. Such is the essence of spring in the Deep South. Earlier this week was as cold as a witch’s areola in a brass bra doing pushups in the snow; by Friday, the heat index was so high that scientists had to develop digital thermometers that exceeded the boiling point of Iridium (4,130º C). One can never predict the future or when it will change, especially in the springtime. This kind of coexistence of opposing attitudes defines the past week.

Friday evening was a joy for me in that Kevin Vannoy and the Basin Street Boyz played at The Loft (a local venue that I frequent specifically because it has an accessible stage), and I love these guys with a passion usually reserved for immoderate emotion. Contrarily, I missed a great jazz concert at Piccolo’s in Auburn that featured Taylor Pierce (guitar), La’Roy Bodiford (sax), Coleman Woodson III (keys), and Eric West (drums). (Incidentally, I simply gush at La’Roy’s mastery of the sax… I just don’t get many opportunities to hear his music.) Although not-so-good for me, personally, the fact that I have jazzonian options is mind-blowing for someone like myself who has ample cranial vacuity with little interference.

My father took me to Piccolo’s last night in Auburn to hear Taylor Pierce play guitar. Unbeknownst to me beforehand, but Coleman Woodson III played with him, which was quite serendipitous. A cat named Eric West played drums very tastefully; his brushwork was inspiring. The trio played wonderfully to a really nice crowd of jazzonian people. Coleman and Taylor communicated so beautifully as Eric supplied tasteful brushwork. At one point, Coleman and Taylor exchanged a successive chordal salutation that was also a subtle homage to Gershwin’s “An American in Paris” wherein the confabulation of chords simulated car-horn clarion’s rushing through Parisian traffic. During the second set, Coleman kindly asked me to sing a song, saying that they’d play softly so that they wouldn’t overpower me, so I sang Billie Holiday’s “God Bless the Child.” The audience’s response was nice, so I sang “My Romance.” Coleman then realized that he had packed a microphone. After a brief few minutes were used to plug in the mic, I sang “My One and Only Love” before closing out the set with “Lullaby of Birdland.” Talk about fun. Incidentally, my father held the mic for me.

Piccolo’s is a groovy venue, a dark, comfortable place with faux leather chairs, the kind I associate with country club ennui. Large black and white portraits of jazz giants hang from the wall behind the stage, including Charlie Parker and Dizzy Gillespie in an atmosphere that, in the less-carbon-offended society of yore, would have been enveloped with cigarette smoke and the lingering spice of casual, heroine-influenced sexuality as cigarette holders sinuously wove through an animated crowd of milling cocktail sipping indifference. Last night’s crowd leisurely sat while sipping potent potables and sampling artisan pizza. A couple from Gadsden sat at my table; their daughter matriculates at Auburn. A charming young lady from Denver, (Jessica, I believe), sat against the far wall with her boyfriend; she later told me that my singing made her shiver; although, in my defense, I didn’t sound that bad. The crowd’s positive response was heartwarming and as inviting as the digital fire that blazed in binary conflagration from a monitor that adorned the wall in the middle section of the venue. Needless to say, the experience jazzed my sensibilities to the point that it took a few hours to calm my nerves when I finally laid my bulbous head on my pillow. This wouldn’t have been so unnerving except that we lost a hour of time that evening that, combined with the hour time difference between my home state of Georgia and Alabama, strongly encouraged me to sleep past noon.

It was worth it.

In totally unrelated news, Don Tipton recently called me to ask if I could take the March 16 th gig at The Loft because someone cancelled. Because I am still a gig-whore, I rushed into action, but my friends with whom I regularly play—Taylor, Mark, and Jeff—can’t make the gig because of scheduling conflicts, so I will be accompanied by Mark Young (keys), Ian Morrison (bass), and Eric Buchanan (drums). I am excited because I really dig Mark’s playing. (Mark played last week with Kevin Vannoy, so if you heard their music, you already know the quality of musicianship he delivers.) We’re going to play a few different songs, so come on out if you’re in the area. I promise that I will have a blast. I’m sure you will, too.

Peace Through Music


sem·pi·ter·nal (sµm”p¹-tûr“n…l) adj. Enduring forever; eternal. See Synonyms at infinite. [Middle English, from Old French sempiternel , from Late Latin sempitern³lis , from Latin sempiternus : semper , always; see sem- 1 below + aeternus , eternal; see aiw- below.] --sem”pi·ter“ni·ty (-n¹-t¶) n.
Bad Joke of the Week

Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super callused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.
Post of the Week

I’ve been thinking… and my head hurts. § As the writer of a weekly jazzonian rag, I’ve got dozens of fans who realize all too readily that I am not the brightest taper in the metaphoric candelabra of the Universe. How, I ask myself, can I let more folks know about my brazen ignorance? It is like I were standing in left field watching a fly ball racing toward me and wondering why the ballistic projectile is getting bigger as it gets closer, and… it hits me: I can go on Family Feud! Similarly, Trump’s ignorance has been well-known throughout the aristocracy of New York City since the 1980s, but, because he wants to be the best at everything, even the most ignorant carbon-based life form on the planet, he decided that by running for president of the United States, he could demonstrate on an international scale just how hapless he is as a human being… he succeeded!
—@SSTJazzVocalist
__________________________
§ A subtle homage to Yosemite Sam when playing the card game Gin against Bugs Bunny
Schwob Jazz Orchestra

The award-winning Schwob Jazz Orchestra (SJO) is the flagship ensemble of the Jazz Studies Program. Under the direction of Dr. Kevin Whalen, this 18-piece large jazz ensemble focuses on presenting the best in contemporary and classic big band music. The band is comprised of many of the finest musicians at the CSU Schwob School of Music, and an audition is required entry into the ensemble. The group actively performs for diverse audiences in Columbus and throughout the southern United States. In January 2018, the Schwob Jazz Orchestra will perform as the featured college jazz ensemble at the Georgia Music Educators Conference Annual In-Service Conference in Athens, Georgia.
GSU Jazz


The Georgia State University Jazz Studies Program is dedicated to providing practical career preparation for today’s professional musician. The Georgia State University Jazz Bands and Combos are open to all University students regardless of class standing or area of study.


The Jazz Studies Program has been able to bring jazz artists of regional, na­tional and international stature to Georgia State to perform and give master classes and clinics. Among these notable artists are Kenny Garrett, Marcus Roberts, Randy Brecker, David Sanchez, Slide Hampton, Nick Payton, Kenny Werner, Dave Douglas, Chris Potter, Jerry Bergonzi, Tim Hagans, Dick Oatts, Bobby Shew, Jimmy Heath, Clare Fischer, Joe Lovano and many others.
KSU School of Music

Our jazz majors and faculty are active in the Metro Atlanta and the southeast region jazz scene and mix university experience with real-world performing opportunities and training. The KSU Jazz Ensembles and Jazz Combos develop general jazz performance and improvisational skills, giving students the exibility to meet the varying demands of today’s musical world. Recent performances have included programs of Brazilian and Latin jazz, swing concerts, music from musical theatre, jazz rock, and retrospectives of such composers as Duke Ellington, Stan Kenton, Count Basie, and others.
Auburn Knights

Today, over seven decades after inception, the Auburn Knights Orchestra is still going strong as an Auburn tradition, composed entirely of a select group of student age musicians from the Auburn community. The future of this organization is great since popularity is returning to big bands and the Swing era is experiencing a rebirth. With such hardworking and dedicated students, the Auburn Knights Orchestra will continue to swing crowds for many years to come.
Groovy Upcoming Events
  • Atlanta Museum of Art. Mark your calendar for live jazz in the High’s atrium on the third Friday of every month, hosted by Jamal Ahmad from Jazz 91.9 WCLK, Atlanta’s jazz station! Music, drinks, art—no matter the month, every Friday Jazz offers a great lineup featuring different styles of jazz, from straight ahead to free jazz, bebop to swing, and more.
  • Seating for Friday Jazz is limited and opens at 6 p.m. There is no reserved seating. Standing room is plentiful. Friday Jazz is FREE with Museum admission and FREE for members.
  • Sat, March 17, 2018 starting at 7:30 pm ET at Spivey Hall in Morrow, GA - Terell Stafford Quintet. Terell Stafford is a professional jazz trumpet player and current Director of Jazz Studies at the Boyer College of Music and Dance at Temple University. Terell Stafford was born in Miami, Florida, and raised in both Chicago, Illinois, and Silver Spring, Maryland. He went on to get a degree in music education from University of Maryland in 1988 and a degree in classical trumpet performance from Rutgers University in 1993. Originally a classical trumpet player, Stafford soon branched out to jazz with the University of Maryland jazz band. Fo' mo' info, click here.
  • Saturday, March 24, 2018 at 7:00 PM ET - Atlanta Blues Festival featuring Sir Charles Jones, TK Soul, Pokey Bear, Tucka, Nellie Tiger Travis and J'Wonn. The Atlanta Blues Festival will be at the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre. Fo' mo' info, click here.
  • Sunday, March 25 – Legendary bassist Stanley Clark will start playing at the Atlanta City Winery. Fo' mo' info, click here.
  • Thursday, March 29 - Béla Fleck & Abigail Washburn. 7:00 PM ET doors / 8:00 PM ET show. With one eye on using the banjo to showcase America’s rich heritage and the other pulling the noble instrument from its most familiar arena into new and unique realms, Béla Fleck and Abigail Washburn’s second album Echo in the Valley is simultaneously familiar and wildly innovative. “Some of the most interesting things in the world come together in strange and unique ways and show our diversity,” reflects Béla, a fifteen-time Grammy award winner who is often considered the world’s premier banjo player. “The banjo is just one of those things. It’s a great example of how the world can combine things and create surprising hybrids,” a reference to the ancestral African roots of the banjo combining with Scotch-Irish music in Appalachia. Echo in the Valley is the follow up to Béla and Abigail’s acclaimed, self-titled debut that earned the 2016 Grammy for Best Folk Album. This time around, the mission was to take their double banjo combination of three finger and clawhammer styles “to the next level and find things to do together that we had not done before,” says Béla. “We’re expressing different emotions through past techniques and going to deeper places.” The results are fascinating, especially considering their strict rules for recording: all sounds must be created by the two of them, the only instruments used are banjos (they have seven between them, ranging from a ukulele to an upright bass banjo), and they must be able to perform every recorded song live.
  • Sunday, April 1 starting at 1 pm Eastern Time at Venkman's in Atlanta, the Coley High Trio. Coley High Trio plays a wide variety of acoustic music for all occasions. Soul, Jazz, Hip Hop, Reggae, Blues, Funk, Blue Grass, you name it - we got it. Fo' mo' info, click here.
  • Saturday, April 14, 2018 – 2:00 PM 6:00 PM – Jazz Matters, Inc. will be holding auditions for Emerging Jazz Artists in elementary, middle and high school, to perform as opening acts during our summer Jazz Matters at The Wren's Nest, Experiencing Jazz Summer Concert Series. This outdoor series is held the 3rd Friday of June - September at The Wren's Nest in Atlanta's Historic West End. Audition details will be posted early 2018. For more information, feel free to call 404-474-1211.
  • Sunday, April 15 starting at 12:30 pm Eastern Time at Venkman's in Atlanta, Bob Bakert Quartet. Fo' mo' info, click here.
  • Friday, April 20 at Rialto Center for Arts in Atlanta, Rene Marie sings starting at 8 pm ET with Gordon Vernick. In a span of two decades, 11 recordings and countless stage performances, vocalist René Marie has cemented her reputation as not only a singer but also a composer, arranger, theatrical performer and teacher. Guided and tempered by powerful life lessons and rooted in jazz traditions laid down by Ella Fitzgerald, Dinah Washington and other leading ladies of past generations, she borrows various elements of folk, R&B and even classical and country to create a captivating hybrid style. Her body of work is musical, but it’s more than just music. It’s an exploration of the bright and dark corners of the human experience, and an affirmation of the power of the human spirit. Marie brings her wide-ranging, highly-adaptive jazz artistry to a special evening with the Georgia State University Jazz Band led by trumpeter Dr. Gordon Vernick. Fo' mo' info, click here. Free parking is available at the 100 Peachtree Garage for this Rialto Series event.
  • Friday, June 1, 7:00 PM doors / 8:00 PM show ET – An Evening with Leo Kottke at Variety Playhouse in Atlanta. Leo Kottke (born September 11, 1945) is an acoustic guitarist. He is known for a fingerpicking style that draws on blues, jazz, and folk music, and for syncopated, polyphonic melodies. He overcame a series of personal obstacles, including partial loss of hearing and a nearly career-ending bout with tendon damage in his right hand, to emerge as a widely recognized master of his instrument. He currently resides in the Minneapolis area with his family. Fo' mo' info, click here.
  • Friday, June 15, 2018 - 8:00 PM – 11:00 PM. The Wren's Nest. Experiencing Jazz - Jazz, Blues & BBQ. Style. Relax, relate, release, as we open up our 3rd Annual Jazz Matters at The Wren's Nest Concert Series. T. C. Carson, singer/actor, best known for his portrayal of Kyle Barker on the hit sitcom "Living Single" will open up our series, along with performances by The TuTuff Band, The Edwin Williams Experience & Emerging Jazz Artists and more. Tickets Available Online: https://jmatthewrensnest.eventbrite.com. For More Info, call 404-474-1211.
  • Friday, July 20, 2018 - 8:00 PM – 11:00 PM. The Wren's Nest. Experiencing Jazz: With a Little Soul, Funk & A Whole Lotta Jazz. Artist not yet available. Tickets Available Online: https://jmatthewrensnest.eventbrite.com. For More Info, call 404-474-1211.
  • Friday, August 17, 2018 - 8:00 PM – 11:00 PM. The Wren's Nest. Artist not yet available. Tickets Available Online: https://jmatthewrensnest.eventbrite.com For More Info, call 404-474-1211.
  • Friday, September 21, 2018 - 8:00 PM – 11:00 PM. The Wren's Nest. Artist not yet available. Tickets Available Online: https://jmatthewrensnest.eventbrite.com. For More Info, call 404-474-1211.
This Week at The Loft
Columbus [GA's] Home For Jazz Music

Southern Standard Time featuring vocalist Rusty Taylor will be performing at The Loft this Friday, March 16 from 7-9 pm EST along with Mark Young (keys), Ian Morrison (bass), and Eric Buchanan (drums). I hope that I’m not wearing out my welcome nor the approval of fans who may tire of my frequently being featured for The Loft’s weekly jazz concert, but there was a last minute cancellation, and I was asked if I could fill in. The musician friends with whom I normally play are unavailable for this gig due to unavoidable scheduling conflicts. That’s why I am playing with a different trio of musicians, and it is why I am so excited. We will create a different style and play different tunes. I am a big fan of Mark’s digital keyboard adroitness and his compositional style and am eager to musically communicate with him and Ian and Eric. Please come and hear us play. Should be fun.
Last Week at The Loft
Columbus [GA's] Home For Jazz Music

I cain’t he’p it, but I rhapsodize with the copious deluge of Angel Falls when I panegyrize Kevin Vannoy and the musicians that accompany him. Kevin is the epitome of Cool in every connotation of jazzonian affection. Mark Young played keys and the Atlantan bass player was awesome. Unfortunately, I forgot to add links to Kevin Vannoy’s recordings, but I add them
here. Simply click the CD covers to explore Kevin’s toe-tappin’ musical style.
Make Concert Stages Accessible
The next time you go see a live musical group, check out the stage. Does it have a wheelchair ramp leading from the audience to the stage or are their steps? Is there a wheelchair ramp backstage? Is there handicapped parking where the performers load and unload? Chances are that the venue doesn’t provide these accommodations. It’s like this: my biggest challenge as a quadriplegic jazz vocalist is finding accessible stages on which to perform. I was once raised up to a five-foot high stage using a forklift and a wooden palette because the stage was not wheelchair accessible. Fortunately, I didn’t die. Point is that there are
few wheelchair accessible stages; otherwise, I’d sing much more often.

It’s easy to see why this isn’t a mainstream problem: there are few “physically challenged” performers, but that’s merely an excuse encouraged by indifference. We handicapped performers exist and are eager to share our dreams with fans who dig what we do. But why are we unconsciously ignored? That’s easy: Being unable to perform even the most rudimentary acts of daily living is a major downer; the wheelchair, quite frankly, is a symbol of lost hope. Let’s face it; it’s a marketing problem, and this is where you come in to save the day.

Physical handicaps are wrapped in lugubrious imagery, but not every moment of life in a wheelchair is steeped in mournful decay. Believe it or not, I laugh every day… some days more than others, but if life were perfect, I, for one, would take a bite of forbidden fruit to find some excitement from the decay of entropy (the hypothetical tendency for all matter and energy in the universe to evolve toward a state of inert uniformity). What I’m trying so desperately to connote here is the fact that having a physical challenge can, at times, be fun and inspirational. What we need is positive imagery, and here’s where I ask for a favor from you, dear reader, and it has to do with social media, more specifically, using the ubiquitous #hashtag: will you help by coming up with a #hashtag meme that has positive connotations for the handicapped and send it to me. This could be fun. Maybe I can come up with prizes for creative contributions. Regardless, this could be the beginning of a social movement that witnesses an outcry of creative energy by talented people who have difficulty overcoming the obstacles that are hidden from people who can hop out of bed running full tilt. By the way, I’ve come up with a possible #hashtag meme that might work: #FantastAbility. What do you think?

The gauntlet has been dropped. Do you accept the challenge? Please reply to this email with as many suggestions as you want, and challenge your friends as well. Let’s see if we can extend this conversation internationally. (Actually, when you send in your suggestions, include the name of your hometown city. We’ll see how far this request goes.) Let’s make the wheelchair a symbol of fun… or grace… or intelligence… or, dare I say it? Let’s make the wheelchair Sexy!

Jazz Poetry

Dreams

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

By Langston Hughes
Jazz Etiquette 

There are few absolutes in life, but this is a definite one: do not stand in front of the bandstand playing air guitar, air trumpet, air bass, or air drums. This activity irritates the musicians. It is disrespectful to both musicians and fellow listeners. It also makes the air player look like... well, there's really no need to spell this one out. Please, save those air moves for the National Air Guitar Championships held annually in Las Vegas.

In today’s society, texting is as ubiquitous as sunshine is to day. Please, do not text while watching live jazz; if you're not into the performance, leave. Along the same line, turn off the cell phone. If you are so important that you cannot miss calls, perhaps you - and everyone else in the audience – would be better served if you did not go to hear live music. If you'd get upset watching somebody else do it then it's wrong for you, too.

Try not to get up and walk out in the middle of a song. It is rude, akin to walking away from someone who is speaking directly to you. Likewise, please refrain from talking during the music. No one came out to hear about your day. More often than not, other audience members came to hear the music.

Most jazz musicians and seasoned listeners will agree that it is acceptable to clap after the solos that each musician takes. However, it is a good idea to keep this applause to an enthusiastic minimum because the next musician usually has already well begun her solo. By the time the claps and cheers fade, the audience has missed a good section of the next solo. Be a good listener. Learn to notice the interaction amongst musicians on stage. An understanding of their communication with each other will help novice listeners, and those not familiar with the song, to learn when the song has ended. Clap, cheer, whistle, or shout, after the last notes of the song are played, not during.

The most important rule of etiquette when it comes to live jazz deals with the type of common sense your grandmother believes you possess: be respectful. Other than that, have fun. Jazz is inclusive and strongly embraces peaceful harmony. It is the type of music that demands active listening to maximize the musical experience to its most positive conclusion. If you have an uncontrollable urge to get aggressively plastered, go listen to a more kitsch musical performance. Hardly anyone there will notice.

Peace Through Music
It's A Quad Thing...
You Might Not Understand
Unintentional Masquerade

Crippledom. The word is a noun that sadly connotes, promotes, and strongly encourages some insignificant, ultra-provincial, minutely microcosmic, and chronically monochromatic negative imagery, but this ignorant connection of paralysis to lugubrious expectations is not, for me, a reality understood by my personal experience. My paralysis is almost always surrounded by ineffable thaumaturgy as that witnessed during every seasonal change. Life is merely the opportunity to react positively to the unexpected. And the choice is... everyone’s. Every now and then, I try to challenge a perceived veracity. Why can’t crippledom be fun?

Crippledom is rarely laughed at but is rife with comic possibilities. What if somebody confined to a wheelchair falls out her electronically energized metal horse? Depends on whether it’s a drama or comedy. My college professor, Dr. Stephen Bluestone, once told me that the difference between a drama and a comedy can be demonstrated by a man’s tripping and falling to the ground. If the scene is a close-up, the pain in the man’s visage creates a dramatic event; the audience empathizes with the man. If the scene is envisioned from afar, the scene becomes more comic; the audience is purposely separated from the emotional connections; laughing is then easier.

It would be so groovy to watch a sitcom with the setting of a bustling city sidewalk: two characters are discussing the sundry aspects of their lives when a paraplegic navigates her wheelchair too close to the edge of a curb on the other side of the street, tips over, and falls (unnoticed by everything but the camera) into water that has stagnated in the gutter on the side of the street―the two characters continue their discourse without ever acknowledging the incident that in reality would cause as much commotion as two epileptic lizards’ dancing to Glenn Miller’s “In The Mood.” Now that’s funny! but you’ll never see it because of a fear quickened by demagogic pedagogy used to obfuscate unfounded Christian and morally annoying social dogma to sterilize our society, a herded skein of sycophantic ovine supplicants who graze hypnotically in pastureland programmed in life-like detail on electronic games that desensitizes the flock to graphic violence but a society that must, ironically, revert to calling a crippled boy “physically challenged” because the former appellation might offend moral sensibilities.

Yes, I have thus far in my life of paralysis fallen out of my wheelchair on two occasions and have fallen out of my Hoyer Lift twice. If you haven’t read the previous chapters of my autobiographical manuscript (or have the memory of a tsetse fly), a Hoyer Lift (pictured on the left) is a tool with a hydraulic pump that uses chains connected to an extended arm and to a net that is placed underneath my fleshy hind end; the pump is then used to raise me up so that I may transfer from my bed to my wheelchair and visa-verse without causing permanent back damage to whomever is helping me. It’s really like a lift on the docks that transfers cargo to a ship but instead of bananas from Guam, the Hoyer transfers my fat ass.

The first time I fell from my Hoyer lift was when I was living in the infamous Columbia Apartments in Decatur, Georgia. I was getting ready for bed while, ironically, the Slam Dunk Competition for the NBA’s All-Star Weekend was on television. The person who was helping me was a really effeminate dude, but I knew him from my days at Shepherd Spinal Center, where he still worked; he was very personable, affable, congenial, and smartly dressed; most importantly, he was very concerned with my well being. He had come to me at a time when I was not having much luck with my attendant care, and we got along really well. Obviously, I was very fond of him.

After he pumped me up in the Hoyer lift so high in the stratosphere that I grew dizzy from the lack of oxygen, something happened and I came crashing down to the ground with the force comparable to the energy created by flatulent expulsion from an exceedingly corpulent man after his rapid mass consumption of a recipe that includes volatile chili peppers of varying sizes, colors, and heat intensity; greasy pork renderings; a five-day old burrito; and semi-chunky milk from the carton with a very questionable expiration date. It happened so quickly that there was no pain (the fact that I have no sensation in over 90% of my body is irrelevant!), but what was really unbelievable was that my friend was determined to try to pick me up without assistance, but this really tiny effeminate man was hysterical. From the ground, I calmed him down and had him go get help from some neighbors, which he did. This was when Dominique Wilkins unjustly lost to Michael Jordan in the NBA dunking competition, and I can sympathize with Dominique; I didn’t receive appropriate recognition for my slam dunk either!

The second time I fell from the lift was when my father and I went, ironically, to Panacea, Florida. We enjoyed a little bar on Alligator Point 1 that had an incredible ramp up to the front entrance that was ten or more feet from the sandy ground. It also had a beautiful back deck that faced the oft-placid Gulf of Mexico from which I witnessed many breathtaking nocturnal vistas. It was the July fourth weekend, and this is where we decided to spend the three days; however, there were no hotel vacancies anywhere around to accommodate us. We ended up bedding down in Tallahassee then driving the thirty or so miles to spend our days nearer the ocean.

Luckily, we found a motel in Florida’s capital city, and it provided beds under which the Hoyer’s base could fit; many beds I’ve used in various motels have a solid base that forbids the use of my Hoyer Lift. When this happens, a two-man transfer must be employed for me to get into bed. Since my father was the only other person from whom I was to receive assistance at this time, it was rather fortunate that the Hoyer could be used. My father pumped me up and swung the Hoyer around so that I was floating above the bed, but something happened and I felt the effects of gravity as I started free-falling toward the bed. In those few infinite seconds neither of us got excited; I was, after all, falling toward the soft bed, but when I hit the mattress, I bounced back upward... towards the oncoming Hoyer Lift, and it came crashing down on my head with the force comparable to the energy created by an exceedingly corpulent man... wait... I’ve already used that metaphor... let’s see... the Hoyer came crashing down on my head with the force comparable to the aromatic energy created by underwater flatulence the morning following an evening of late-night, hasty Krystal hamburger consumption after hours of excessive imbibing. (Now that was a bit too detailed!) Anyway, after my liberal use of vociferous language, we started laughing. It was, after all, funny... well, after the pain subsided.

The two times I fell out of my wheelchair involved my next door neighbors when I lived near Lake Bottom Park in Columbus, Georgia, the Fountain City. I rented a house from a simoniac Baptist preacher who coveted the greenback and used his interpretation of Christianity to buy many houses that he could rent out at exorbitant fees... but I digress. My friend Tom Perry, with whom I attended high school, was cooking out in his backyard, and I strolled over in my wheelchair to experience the elevated testosterone that accompanies my gender and barbecues.

As I came through his gate, I noticed holes in the yard that his dogs had excavated for reasons known only to the canine species but probably deriving from some instinctual preservation for prehistoric mating rituals used by the ancestral male to attract his potential bitch-mate by showing her what a nice hole he could dig, or maybe Tom’s dogs just liked moving dirt. I pulled back on my control lever so that my wheelchair would reverse direction, but the ground was sandy and my wheels lost traction, spinning ineffectively and almost pleading with my chair to back-up out of danger, but my front left well found the hole, and I, once again, felt the effects of gravity as it pulled me toward the earth.

“Here I go!”

It was all I could say, and I said it with such insouciance that the crash must’ve shocked Tom, but he quickly put down his cooking instruments and made me more comfortable on the ground, then he got his wife Diana to help. The really wonderful thing about the whole experience was that they got me back into my chair, arranged my clothes to help me appear less disheveled, and Tom never burned the meat! Tom shall remain evermore in my mind the consummate outdoor gastronome.

The second time I fell out of my chair was at the house that I rented from the cupidinous Baptist preacher, but this time only Tom’s wife Diana was with me. My high school coach and his brothers had built me a long straight ramp that led to the front porch, a front porch I really enjoyed. I was talking to Diana as we approached the ramp, but I missed it with my left wheel, and the wheelchair careened off the lip of the sidewalk, sending me like Icarus to the soft carpet of grass. I remember reading that the definition of flying is to throw one’s self at the ground but to miss it. I didn’t miss the ground, so I guess I wasn’t flying.

“Here I go.”

I don’t know why, but in situations such as these I don’t get excited.

Diana straightened out my body so that I’d be more comfortable on the ground then phoned my uncle for help. It was a beautiful early spring day, and the sun was graciously warm. Diana went inside and got a blanket and a pillow to make me more comfortable. So there I was, laying supine on the blanket with a pillow under my head, and I was absorbing the sun’s warm embrace, talking amiably with the wife of my good friend. After about twenty minutes, Gary Gotterby and a friend of his pulled into my driveway. Gary and my uncle had coached together at a local high school, and it was through my uncle that I had met him. My uncle was tied up with work when Diana had called him, so he called Gary and asked him to check on me. Gary and I affably embarked on the casual conversation that spontaneously quickens on almost perfect days such as we were experiencing when Diana asked what method Gary and his friend were going to use to get me back into my chair.

Gary was taken aback because he wasn’t informed that I had fallen; he merely thought I was sunbathing. After the laughter died down, Gary and his friend lifted me into my chair and life was again chary. It was at this time I first realized that there are times I don’t look crippled. Life, crippledom, and Jazz stoke ambivalence; they are thaumaturgic treasures that can effectively sate one’s happiness, but one must be cognizant of contradictory possibilities. Midas discovered this too late.

Peace Through Music
_________________________
1 A lounge that no longer exists because of its destruction by a hurricane.
Interesting Blogs and Websites by Interesting People

  • A Blog by Dallas Smith
  • A Blog by Susan E. Mazer
  • Collaborating since 1984, Susan E. Mazer and Dallas Smith create some of the finest contemporary instrumental music available. Our compositions for harp and woodwinds merge the aesthetics of jazz, classical, and world music into an experience that feeds both the intellect and spirit. Extending beyond the boundaries of genre, our unique sound has a richness in melody, rhythm and sonority. Visit their website by clicking here.
  • Now available in more than 750 healthcare facilities in the U.S. and Asia, The C.A.R.E. Channel’s stunning nature video and original instrumental music provide a therapeutic tool for use at the patient bedside, waiting areas, and public spaces in acute care hospitals, residential care facilities, hospice/palliative care units, cancer centers, children’s hospitals, and rehabilitation centers. Fo' mo' info, click here.
  • The Rude Pundit - Proudly lowering the level of political discourse.
  • Randy Hoexter is a jazz pianist, composer and educator living in Atlanta. He is currently the Director of Education at the Atlanta Institute of Music. His recent release, “Fromage” Featuring bassist Jimmy Haslip, Drummer Dave Weckl, and the finest of Atlanta jazz musicians has been receiving rave reviews. His previous recording “Radiant” with Mike Stern, Dave Weckl and more, also received critical acclaim. Fo' mo' info, click here.
  • Jimmy Haslip  World-renowned bassist
  • Sam Skelton  Saxophone/woodwind virtuoso and educator
  • Trey Wright  Gifted guitarist and composer
  • Kit Chatham  Brilliant percussionist and drummer
  • Carl Culpepper Virtuoso guitarist and educator
  • Jazz Evangelist Great jazz blog and reviews.
  • Wonderful freelance writer CandiceDyer
Weekly Area Jams
Eighth and Rail
Every Tuesday 7 - 10 pm CT
The Eighth and Rail in historical downtown Opelika, Alabama is the venue for a wildly groovy weekly jazz jam as hosted by the Jane Drake Jazz Band. It's a cozy celebration of life that has become a buzzing collection of jazz-loving fanatics gathered together in a coterie of peaceful, fun-loving positive energy. I am downright proud as a peacock with enhanced LED-flashing feathers to participate in the jam on a regular basis, and I really love it! Proprietor Mike Patterson makes the wonderful sushi and Miss Tiffany keeps the affable atmosphere at a lovely level of emotive satisfaction. Plus... they serve an awesome cheesecake that'll make you wanna slap yourself so hard as to tell horrific knock-knock jokes to mimes. No lie. We have really talented musicians come in from the bi-state area: Auburn, Montgomery, Tuskegee, Columbus, LaGrange, Fort Valley, et al. The jam begins at 7 pm and ends at 10 pm CT. Hopefully, I'll see you there.

Eighth and Rail
Venkman's Jazz Jam
Every Tuesday starting at 8 pm ET
Venkman's is a nightclub in Atlanta, a venue that Joe Gransden uses for his weekly jazz jam. This is where the Who's Who of the Atlanta Jazz Scene come together to dazzle us mortals. It's free and starts at 8 pm ET. Fo' mo' info, click link below. I've participated in this jam a couple of times, and I love it as well. Joe Gransden always welcomes me with a smile that will melt antarctic glaciers in the middle of winter, which, oddly enough, is during June through August... when it's so hot and humid in middle Georgia that my toenails sweat. Nevertheless, Joe's band often includes keyboardist Kenny Banks (sometimes Kevin Bales), drummer Chris Burroughs and bassist Craig Shaw, and these cats kick it. When I find the transportation, I'm going.


Red Light Cafe Jazz Jam
Every Wed at 8 pm ET

I have not been to the weekly jazz jam at Red Light Cafe, but it is hosted by the Gordon Vernick Quartet, and I am a huge fan of Gordon's, so I'm planning to go soon, and when I do... Ha! I'm very likely to get excited. Fo' mo' info, click here .
Apache Cafe in Atlanta
Every Wed at 9:00 ET

Al Smith's Midtown Jam Session @Apache Cafe!  Contemporary Jazz , Soul, R&B vocalists jam Session. Featuring live band led by keyboardist Al Smith! Vocalists are invited to sign the list and jam with the band, musicians can sit in too... a must attend! Different Dj spinning on the back patio each week! SPECIAL GUEST HOST EVERY WEEK! Doors open at 9pm and list-sign up is at 9pm. Event admission, the day of, at the door, is CASH. Fo' mo' info, click here .
Brin's Wings in Montgomery
Every Wed from 6 to 9:00 CT

Brins Wings in Montgomery presents Coleman Woodson Jr. Jazz Jam from 6-9 CDT. No cover. Fo' mo' info, click here .
La Salle Bleu Piano Bar in Montgomery
Every Wed from 6 to 9:00 CT

Jazz jam La Salle Bleu Piano Bar, 9 until, no cover. Fo' mo' info, click here .
The Suite in Columbus, GA
Every Thursday at 9:00-11:30 ET

Thursday, January 11 from 9-11:30 p, EDT Live Jazz - Big Saxy Thursday, The Chemistry Project Band starting at 9 pm at The Suite Bar and Grill .
Irish Bred Pub in Montgomery
Every Sun at 9:30-12:30 CT

Third Thursday jazz jam session at the Irish Bred Pub Montgomery, 78 Dexter Ave, Montgomery, Alabama 36104, Corner of Dexter Ave and Perry St, 3 blocks from Capitol. Fo' mo' info, click here .
1048 Club in Montgomery
Every Sun at 9:30-12:30 CT

The 1048 Cafe is in Montgomery, AL. The weekly Jazz Jam led by Sam Williams, 9 pm CDT, $5 cover. I don't really know that much about it, but the 1048 has a jazz jam every Sunday from 9ish 'til whenever. Apparently the jam draws some incredible musicians. Fo' mo' info, click here .
The Suite in Columbus, GA
Every Sun from 6:00-11:30 ET

Michael Johnson and the Silent Threat Band plays at The Suite in Columbus, GA from 6-11:30 pm ET at The Suite Bar & Grill, 5300 Sidney Simons Blvd. Fo' mo' info 'bout the band, click here .
Piccolo's Lounge, Auburn

It's not a jam, but the Piccolo lounge offers a comfortable, clubby environment. Leather club chairs, a cozy fireplace and comfy banquettes serve as a relaxing getaway. Enjoy a single malt scotch and relax and unwind from a hectic day or meet friends to hear live jazz every Friday and Saturday night, of non-home football game weekends. Fo' mo' info, click here .
A Little Lunch Music
at Jule Collins Smith Museum, Auburn University
On Thursdays at Noon, make a lunch date with our region’s finest musicians. A Little Lunch Music is an informal, come-and-go performance presented by JCSM and coordinated by musician Patrick McCurry. You can sit in and listen to the entire performance, dine in the Museum Cafe from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. CT, browse the Museum Shop or explore the galleries.
For more info, click here.

  • February 15 - pianist Vadim Sarabryany
  • February 22 - TBA
  • March 01 - guitarist Luther Enloe
  • March 08 - soprano Patty Holley
  • March 15 - no concert - Spring Break
  • March 22 - pianist Lawrence Quinnett
  • March 29 - Wolf and Clover
  • April 05 - soprano Noemi de Silva with pianist Beibeilin
  • April 12 - mezzo-soprano Janet Hopkins
  • April 19 - David Banks Gospel Jazz Experience
  • April 26 - Duo Echo
  • May 03 - TBA
  • May 10 - TBA
  • May17 - euphonium artist Marie Robertson
Lyrics

I jes' cain't he'p it. I heard this song on the radio, and it made me smile.

"Hot Rod Lincoln"

My pappy said "Son your gonna drive me to drinkin'
If you don't stop driving that hot rod Lincoln"

Have you heard the story of the hot rod race
Where the Fords and the Lincolns were setting the pace?
Well that story is true cause I'm here to say
I was driving that model A.

It's got a Lincoln motor and its really souped up
And that model A body makes it look like a pup
It's got eight cylinders, uses them all
It's got overdrive, just won't stall

It's got a four barrel carb, and dual exhaust
With 4:11 gears you can really get lost.
It's got safety tubes, but I ain't scared
Brakes are good, tires fair

Pulled out of San Pedro late one night
With the moon and the stars just shining bright
We was headed up grapevine Hill
Passing cars like they was standing still

All of a sudden, in the wink of an eye
A Cadillac sedan passed us by
I said "Boys this ones marked for me"
But by then the tail lights was all you could see

Now the fellas ribbed me for being behind
So I thought I'd let that Lincoln unwind
Took my foot off the gas and man alive
I shoved it on down into over drive

Wound it up to 110
My speedometer said I hit top end
My foot was glued like lead to the floor
And that's all there is, and there ain't no more

Now the boys all thought that I'd lost my sense
Those telephone poles were like a picket fence
They said "Slow down, I see spots!"
The lines on the road just looked like dots

Took a corner, side swiped a truck
Crossed my fingers just for luck
My fenders was clicking the guard rail post
The guy beside me was white as a ghost

We had smoke coming from out of the back
When I started to gain on that Cadillac
I knew I could catch him, I thought I could pass
But don't you know by then we'd be low on gas

I had flames coming from out of the side
Feel the tension, man what a ride
I said "Look out boys, I've got a license to fly"
And that Caddy pulled over and let us by

All of the sudden she started knocking
Down in the dips she started rocking
I looked in the mirror. Red lights were blinking
The cops was after my Hot Rod Lincoln - Damn

They arrested me and they put me in jail
Called my pappy to throw my bail
And he said "Son, you're going to drive me to drinkin'
If you don't stop driving that Hot Rod Lincoln" 

Video of the Week

I jes' cain't he'p it...
Jazz Association of Macon
We Promote Jazz in Macon
and Middle Georgia
Our purpose is to:

Encourage and support creation, presentation, and preservation of jazz music.
Support the creation of new audiences for jazz music.
Provide education and information about jazz.
Encourage young musicians to learn and appreciate jazz.
Develop a network among local and regional jazz advocates.
Increase awareness of jazz events and musicians in our community.

To read their blog, click here .
Area Musicians
Actually, this is a link to a page of my personal website, but it makes it much easier t maintain. It is a dynamic list of area musicians that will, hopefully, be continually updated until I can no longer do it. If you are a musician who is not listed or you are listed but with invalid info, please let me know, and I'll make the appropriate revisions. Thank you, and click here to visit the link.
High Museum of Art: Atlanta Jazz
Live jazz in the Robinson Atrium at the Atlanta High Museum of Art every 3rd Friday of the month. Fo' mo' info, click here .
On-line Radio
  • WCUG 88.5 Cougar Radio - Columbus State University.
  • KUNR 88.7 Reno, Nevada.
  • KNCJ 89.5 Reno, Nevado.
  • Saturday Night Jazz hosted by Scot Marshall and Dallas Smith (Columbus, GA native) - Scot and Dallas bring their rich musical experiences together in "Saturday Night Jazz" to feature music which ranges from the latest releases to jazz classics and occasional recordings by local artists, as well as announcements of upcoming local jazz events in the Reno-Tahoe area. "Saturday Night Jazz" is supported by the Reno Jazz Orchestra and For the Love of Jazz. Dallas' program airs on KUNR (kunr.org) from 10pm-12am PST/1am-3am EST. The 9pm-1pm EST broadcast is on KNCJ (streaming via the kunr.orgwebsite).
  • WCLK 99.1 Atlanta's Jazz Station, Clark Atlanta University.
  • Adore Jazz - Adore Jazz makes listeners relax, feel, think and smile through listening to the finest vocal jazz.
  • WTSU 88.9 Troy State University - Ray Murray's Jazz Radio Show Saturday nights at 10 pm Central Time.
  • WVAS 90.7 Montgomery - Jazz, Blues, News, and views.
Jazz Matters @ The Wren's Project
Preserving a musical culture, tradition & Art Form
 
Jazz Matters , Inc., is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that believes Jazz Matters, because music matters.  Jazz is America's only original art form and this national treasure was created by African Americans.

It is our vision to Preserve a Musical Culture, Tradition & Art Form by:
  • educating & developing new audiences;
  • inspiring new Jazz artists; and
  • providing a forum for artists to perform and perfect their craft

Peace Through Music
Valediction

Our nation is populated by diverse citizenry, which gives us strength and resilience to overcome the ilk of troglodytic isolation like the current myopic idolatry of a megalomaniacal fascist windbag, the #MuscoviteMarrionette—the churlish blather-babbler who communicates nothing of substance or interest to credulous ovine loyalty eagerly compliant to demonstrate irrevocable fealty to him, an invidious vassal with very limited mental acuity and the mean-spirited childishness of a prepubescent bully’s burning insects with sunrays through a magnifying glass before teasing a corpulent classmate for being an orphan, even when these cultish lemmings are an insignificant minority that has coerced temporal power through awkwardly nefarious techniques like gerrymandering, voter suppression, repetition of puerile aphorisms at easily deceived flunkies (“Lock her up! Lock her up!”) and by falsely accusing rivals of chicanery (“Fake news! Fake news!”). Optimistically, the philosophy on which our Democracy was founded makes it difficult for authoritarian oppression to wield power for any significant amount of time. Mueller Time is nigh, and our Democracy will be restored to its diversified strength of yore, returning back to a time when our nation was respected worldwide by civility.

I, personally, can’t wait for the conclusion of Robert Mueller’s investigation into alleged violations of treasonous activities by high-level national politicians (who may have forfeited allegiance to their country). I can then return to the exclusive promulgation of Jazzonian ideology that is the modus operandi of this weekly newsletter. At present, our country’s political philosophy is threatened by hubristic indifference—manifested in a set of highly improbable events culminating with the minority of plangent incognizant Muscovite minions driving the deleterious agenda of foreign interests—that I feel obliged to rhetorically oppose it. Fortunately, since I began this more politically motivated agendum of antagonism against cultish austerity, only five people have actively requested to be removed from my distribution list. The revolution is proliferating into a formidable opposition to the unpopular status quo (succès d’estime) that has witnessed a major shift—from the hypocritically conservative sequacity to absurdity—to the more progressive outcry for gender and racial equality; youthful exuberance; regulation of contemptible, avaricious habits; and an overwhelming support for immigrated diversity.

Jazz is like a river. On the surface, a river is a large natural stream of water emptying into an ocean, a lake, or another body of water and usually fed along its course by converging tributaries, but, like Jazz, there are many auxiliaries that range from rapids (bebop), swing (babbling brooks), ballads (slow moving aqueous power), blues (swirling eddies), Bossa Nova (white water revelry), etc. Once again, diversity is strength, puissance shared by an active search for the underlining Truth from which Universal unity may be achieved.

Peace Through Music
Donate
If you can afford it, and you think this newsletter worthy, please send a $5, $10, or $20 check or money order to:

The Jazzinian FUN’d Drive
962 Washington Road
Hamilton, Georgia 31811

It ain’t that I’m a Luddite, it’s just that I don’t know how to add a donate button that auto-magically-electronically transfers funds into my banking account. Besides, “the man” always seems to have his too-large-to-fail hand reaching out, palm upwards, in anticipation of remuneration he doesn’t deserve, fees he assesses for banking services rendered electronically via a computer application written by an underpaid intern. I guess, in a sense, I am more like Ned Ludd, the English laborer who was supposed to have destroyed weaving machinery around 1779 because he felt that technology would destroy employment for the laborer, except that I won’t physically destroy anything… other than, perhaps, the practice of usury; I merely want the practice of charging interest on loans to die of entropy. So, I reckon that I am a Luddite in that I believe in moderation and that humanity thrives when the mind and body are engaged instead of when one uses her wit to absquatulate with unjustified and excessive wealth, especially when she’s done nothing to earn it.

I currently pay out $20/month to use Constant Contact to publish this weekly newsletter. Well, it’ll be $20/month after the $10/month introductory offer expires… soon. If I could, I’d earn the money by singing, but my options are limited to accessible stages, which are not very common at all, and there aren’t many stages exclusively for jazz. Jazz is only granted a small piece of the pie… but it’s my passion. Seems like my only concert options are The Loft in Columbus, GA and Eighth and Rail in Opelika, AL; although, in Opelika I use a portable ramp to get onstage; one does what one has to do. When I sing at Venkman’s jazz jam, the soundman brings the microphone to my table, but I’d love to be on stage. How else can I perfect my secondary ambition to be a standup comedian. Incidentally, I currently take a sleeping pill because one of the side effects is somnambulation, but I’m still waiting to awaken ambulating.

I also have ambitions to sing onstage with my friend Ted McVay whom I’ve known forty years. We have a unique sound that, I believe, can and will be appreciated by a wider audience. We harmonize really well together, and the songs he writes are creative, witty, poignant, and fun to sing. Once we get a bit o’ steam, we’re bound to be a formidable, creative musical energy, positive, peaceful, loving. I will then, hopefully, make enough dough to overpay the people I need to assist me in acts of daily living. My family has already done so much for me and need a break. Thirty-one years is an awful long burden… thirty-two this April 18. ‘Til then, if you are able to comfortably part ways with a few bucks, I sure could use it.
Social Media Experiment

In an ignorant attempt to exploit social media to expand my personal fan base, I've created this section to list hashtags and other metadata that might auto-magically give more access to the newsletter I write. Hope it works.

#SouthernStrategy #QuestForBest #GroovicusMaximus #FantastAbility #WheelChairistotle #SCI #Handicapplication #Impairistotle #MuscoviteMarionette #BlackLivesMatter 
#Wheelcherry #RudePundit #MakeStagesAccessible 

@SSTJazzVocalist @frangelaDuo @JoeGransden @AtlantaMagazine @VenkmansATL @rudepundit @MalcolmNance @EricBoehlert @CharlesPPierce @StephMillerShow @JohnFugelsang @Thom_Hartmann @anniesellick  @TheRealTBone