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Daily Lesson 138
Sarah's Reflections
TEXT CH 12, 23-32



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Now has no meaning to the ego. The present merely reminds it of past hurts, and it reacts to the present as if it were the past. The ego cannot tolerate release from the past, and although the past is no more, the ego tries to preserve its image by responding as if it were present. Thus it dictates reactions to those you meet now from a past reference point, obscuring their present reality. In effect, if you follow the ego's dictates, you will react to your brothers as though they were someone else, and this will surely prevent you from perceiving them as they are. And you will receive messages from them out of your own past because, by making it real in the present, you are forbidding yourself to let it go. You thus deny yourself the message of release that every brother offers you now.   

ACIM OE CH 12, 27   


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 L e s s o n 138
Heaven is the decision I must make.




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In this world Heaven is a choice because  

here we believe there are alternatives 
to choose between. We think that all things have 
an opposite, and what we want we choose. 
If Heaven exists there must be hell as well, 
for contradiction is the way we make 
what we perceive and what we think is real.| 
Creation knows no opposite. But here 
is opposition part of being "real." 


It is this strange perception of the truth 
that makes the choice of Heaven seem to be 
the same as the relinquishment of hell. 
It is not really thus. Yet what is true 
in God's creation cannot enter here 
unless it is reflected in some form 
the world can understand. Truth cannot come 
where it would only be perceived with fear, 
for this would be the error truth can be 
brought to illusions. Opposition makes 
the truth unwelcome, and it cannot come.| 
Choice is the obvious escape from what 
appears as opposites. Decision lets 
one of conflicting goals become the aim 
of effort and expenditure of time. 
Without decision, time is but a waste 
and effort dissipated. It is spent 
for nothing in return. And time goes by 
without results. There is no sense of gain, 
for nothing is accomplished; nothing learned. 
You need to be reminded that you think 
a thousand choices are confronting you 
when there is really only one to make. 
And even this but seems to be a choice. 
Do not confuse yourself with all the doubts 
that myriad decisions would induce. 
You make but one. And when that one is made 
you will perceive it was no choice at all, 
for truth is true and nothing else is real. 
There is no opposite to choose instead. 
There is no contradiction to the truth. 
Choosing depends on learning. But the truth 
cannot be learned, but only recognized. 
In recognition its acceptance lies, 
and as it is accepted it is known. 
But knowledge is beyond the goals we seek 
to teach within the framework of this course. 
Ours are teaching goals, to be attained 
through learning how to reach them, what they are, 
and what they offer you. Decisions are 
the outcome of your learning, for they rest 
on what you have accepted as the truth 
of what you are and what your needs must be. 


In this insanely complicated world 
Heaven appears to take the form of choice, 
rather than merely being what it is. 
Of all the choices you have tried to make 
this is the simplest, most definitive, 
the prototype of all the rest, the one 
which settles all decisions. If you could 
decide the rest, this one remains unsolved. 
But when you solve this one the others are 
resolved with it, for all decisions but 
conceal this one by taking different forms. 
Here is the final and the only choice 
in which is truth accepted or denied. 
So we begin today considering 
the choice that time was made to help us make. 
Such is its holy purpose, now transformed 
from the intent you gave it; that it be 
a means for demonstrating hell is real, 
hope changes to despair, and life itself 
must in the end be overcome by death. 
In death alone are opposites resolved, 
for ending opposition is to die. 
And thus salvation must be seen as death, 
for life is seen as conflict. To resolve 
the conflict is to end your life as well. 
These mad beliefs can gain unconscious hold 
of great intensity, and grip the mind 
with terror and anxiety so strong 
that it will not relinquish its ideas 
about its own protection. It must be 
saved from salvation, threatened to be safe, 
and magically armored against truth. 
And these decisions are made unaware, 
to keep them safely undisturbed; apart 
from question and from reason and from doubt. 


Heaven is chosen consciously. The choice 
cannot be made until alternatives 
are accurately seen and understood. 
All that is veiled in shadows must be raised 
to understanding to be judged again, 
this time with Heaven's help. And all mistakes 
in judgment which the mind had made before 
are open to correction as the truth 
dismisses them as causeless. Now are they 
without effects. They cannot be concealed 
because their nothingness is recognized. 


The conscious choice of Heaven is as sure 
as is the ending of the fear of hell, 
when it is raised from its protecting shroud 
of unawareness, and is brought to light. 
Who can decide between the clearly seen 
and the unrecognized? Yet who can fail 
to make a choice between alternatives 
when only one is seen as valuable; 
the other as a wholly worthless thing, 
a but imagined source of guilt and pain? 
Who hesitates to make a choice like this? 
And shall we hesitate to choose today? 


We make the choice for Heaven as we wake, 
and spend five minutes making sure that we 
have made the one decision that is sane. 
We recognize we make a conscious choice 
between what has existence and what has 
nothing but an appearance of the truth. 
Its pseudo-being brought to what is real, 
is flimsy and transparent in the light. 
It holds no terror now, for what was made 
enormous, vengeful, pitiless with hate, 
demands obscurity for fear to be 
invested there. Now it is seen 
as but a foolish, trivial mistake. 


Before we close our eyes in sleep tonight 
we reaffirm the choice that we have made 
each hour in between. And now we give 
the last five minutes of our waking day 
to the decision with which we awoke. 
As every hour passed, we have declared 
our choice again in a brief quiet time 
devoted to maintaining sanity. 
And finally we close the day with this, 
acknowledging we chose but what we want: 


" Heaven is a decision I must make. 
 I make it now and will not change my mind, 
 because it is the only thing I want."
          ~ Original Handscript of ACIM  


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ACIM Edmonton - Sarah's Reflections 

ACIM Edmonton, CA

Heaven is the decision I must make.
Sarah's Commentary:

This Lesson is all about choice. It is a choice between hell and Heaven, attack and forgiveness, body and spirit, guilt and innocence, and, ultimately, illusion and truth. In other words, in every moment we are making this choice, but we won't make the choice if we don't understand the nature of this decision. " The choice cannot be made until alternatives are accurately seen and understood." (W.138.9.2) That means we need to see the insanity of the ego thought system and what purpose it serves as a defense against the love that we are. The ego has made the world to keep our focus on the outer.
Prior to this teaching, we have probably not been aware of the ego's thought system that we have aligned with, nor its impact on our lives. The Course metaphysics are about unveiling the consequences to us of having made this choice for the ego. It basically is a choice for pain and suffering covered over with the promise of hope of happiness. However, the ego promises, but never delivers. Until we get that, we keep looking outside of ourselves for our happiness where it can't be found. We won't give up the ego program until we see how it has been set up and the consequences to us of choosing it. The ego is nothing, but we gave it power when we aligned with it. When we see that it ultimately brings pain, we will be motivated to give it up and realize that the only choice is for Heaven. " You make but one. And when that one is made, you will perceive it was no choice at all." (W.138.4.4-5) When the choice is made for God, the ego simply disappears. " For truth is true, and nothing else is true. There is no opposite to choose instead. There is no contradiction to the truth." (W.138.4.6-8)
The choice that was made by the mind for the ego started with the initial decision made outside of this dream, to choose the ego thought system, forgetting that another choice was available to us. The ego convinced us that we had killed God off and now He is pursuing us. This is the God we are afraid to wake up to. This is the God of the ego that we subconsciously fear. This is the God that we defend against with our plans and our sickness.

The idea of separation came about because we listened to the ego, made the universe, made the body, took on a separate identity and took on a will separate from God's Will. With these choices made by the mind came guilt and fear of punishment. All of this is buried in the mind. Until we read and studied this Course, we had no idea of how this was all set up. The voice of the ego now tells us to project that guilt and see others as being responsible for our fear and our problems. Now we feel that we have to protect and defend ourselves and thus we see ourselves as vulnerable bodies, but the ego keeps its agenda hidden from us. What is that agenda? It is that we never make another choice as that would be the end of the ego. Jesus is helping us to see what the cost is to us of following the ego's dictates, so we can make the decision for Heaven, which is where our happiness lies.

We are addicted to this life of conflict. I mean, it seems to be exciting to live on the edge, in this drama of our lives where we apparently have a thousand choices every day and where we can relive all our decisions in our minds and weave stories of adventure, heroism, victimhood, martyrdom and tell these stories and episodes, chapter by chapter, of who did what to whom. Our minds give power to these events, live on fear and gather guilt like a basket full of goodies. All that this does is maintain this ego and maintain the hell that we have made. That is how most of us use our time, in activities that distract us from the only choice there is to be made--the choice for Heaven. " Without decision, time is but a waste and effort dissipated." (W.138.3.3) The world can serve an important purpose, if we use it for helping us to open the door to the right choice.
The way things seem real to us in the world is through their opposites. If there is life, there must be death, light and darkness, good and bad, sin and forgiveness, spirit and body. It is a dualistic thought system. Everything is conceived in terms of opposites, but Jesus tells us that " Creation knows no opposite." (W.138.2.1) Opposites can't exist, even though to us they do seem very real. In reality, Heaven is not a choice, as there is nothing to choose between. It is all One. That is why " Truth cannot come where it could only be perceived with fear." (W.138.2.6) In the presence of truth, our individual separate selves disappear into the eternal Oneness. That is why we defend against the truth and still cling to our specialness. " Opposition makes the truth unwelcome, and it cannot come." (W.138.2.8) If truth showed up in the world in its pure form, it would just be another option, which is not possible. " Yet what is true in God's creation cannot enter here until it is reflected in some form the world can understand." (W.138.2.5) The non-specific love of God is translated here into specifics that we can understand.
These contrasts in the world are helpful for our learning, in that the Holy Spirit teaches us through them. We learn to discern that when we choose with the ego, our experience is one of pain, suffering and distress. When we choose a reflected form of God's love, which is forgiveness and healing, we experience the lifting of the burden that guilt and fear bring to us. We experience the peace that comes from forgiving someone, the joy that there is in releasing guilt and knowing our own innocence, the worry that leaves us, when we walk in trust and follow guidance. Thus, the non-specific love of God is thus reflected in the specifics of this world, and we can experience it with every choice we make for healing and forgiveness, instead of keeping thoughts of anxiety, attack, depression, fear etc.

I recently listened to an account from a friend whose sister was murdered. After an initial experience of anger, resentment and bitterness, the Course came into her life and she learned of the value of forgiveness. In her account, she discussed the contrast, in her own mind, of holding the grief and bitterness, against the release that she felt when she saw the "murderer" in her mind and chose to release and forgive them. Thus, she could see herself and her brother as innocent, and in that came joy and peace. Seeming catastrophic events like this, which show up in our lives, can be used to help us make this choice. When we turn them over for healing, the Holy Spirit will use anything that shows up in this world for our healing. Through this kind of contrast, we will become more and more motivated to choose this reflection of Heaven here.

We are addicted to the drama in our lives. I spent about a year in Sedona, about eleven years ago, studying the Course. At that time, I remember we sometimes talked about what a life of total peace would be like, where there would be no stories to tell, no one to side against, and no conflict of any kind would intrude. Many expressed the concern that a peaceful life would be boring and flat. That is precisely what the voice of the ego would say to keep us focused on the world instead of choosing against it. We made this insanity in which we seem to live. " In this insanely complicated world, Heaven appears to take the form of choice, rather than merely being what it is." (W.138.6.1) We think we like this "insanely complicated world" we made as an alternative to Heaven. We seem to like this world of opposites. We see the good as a contrast to the bad. We hold conflicting goals, which create conflict and distress for us. Yet Jesus says it gets us nothing. Why would we want to spend effort and time on what brings us nothing of value? We think of these things as accomplishments, but he says we are wasting our time and dissipating our efforts when we choose the illusion. " It is spent for nothing in return, and t ime goes by without results." (W.138.3.4) There is no sense of gain, for nothing is accomplished, nothing learned.
There is only one choice because there is nothing else to choose between, even though we think there is. Jesus says that we need to be reminded that Heaven is the only decision to be made. (W.138.4.1) When that decision is made, we will see that there never was a choice. It is simply illusion to think that we are choosing because there are no real alternatives. How can there be, when there is only one reality? Yes, it does seem like we are choosing truth or illusion, Heaven or hell. This idea of choice is an illusion even though it still must be made. Why? This choice is an illusion because there is only one reality, and although we are there now, we simply don't get it yet. Until we do, we will appear to be making this choice for Heaven or hell.

Jesus tells us that we made this hell, and we can be released from it through our choice for Heaven. To do this is to raise to understanding what we have made as a protective shield for our egos and, with Heaven's help, bring it to awareness, so that we could truly see there is only one choice to be made. It requires vigilant watching of our minds with the thoughts that show up. With this purpose, the world becomes a wonderful classroom rather than a prison. Everything here is for the undoing of the deceived mind that thinks it is a body, separate from every other body. When we use time in this way, everything takes on meaning. I find that everything in my day becomes really interesting for learning purposes. It is all about undoing the way I see things, how I interpret what is happening in my day, why certain events and situations are showing up, how disturbances can be helpful to looking within at the choices I have made. All of it becomes so interesting and valuable. Nothing is good or bad. It just is, and each day that the Lesson is not learned, there is an optimism that I still have more time to learn the Lesson of forgiveness another day. It is such a beautiful way to live life, not judging what should or should not be happening, but seeing that it is all useful to the Holy Spirit.

The process is one of learning. " Choosing depends on learning." (W.138.5.1) Clearly, truth can't be learned, as knowledge goes beyond this Course. We are only bringing wrong perception to be corrected to true perception, but it is still perception rather than the knowledge of Heaven. Jesus is teaching us what the goal is, how to reach it, and what it offers us. When we recognize and accept our deep need for this truth, then our motivation increases to do this work. When we learn that when we hurt our brother we are hurting ourselves, then we will choose to stop doing that. Until we recognize that this is the truth, we don't understand that there is another choice to be made, when a brother seemingly attacks us.
It is wonderful to be reminded just how simple this choice for truth really is, but that is certainly not the way it looks to us. Inside each seemingly complicated situation in the world, we still only have one question. Will I choose Heaven or hell in this situation? Will I choose to love or hate? Will I choose forgiveness or attack? Will I choose the Holy Spirit  or the ego? Will I choose truth or illusion? Whatever the situation we seem to be faced with in what Jesus concedes as indeed " an insanely complicated world," (W.138.6.1) there is just this one choice we make, which is the only purpose of time. We made time for an unholy purpose, but now the Holy Spirit wants us to use it for a holy purpose by making the only choice---the choice for Heaven.
What intent has a mind that identifies with the ego given to time? It seems that time for us demonstrates that all our hopes ultimately turn to despair, that life must end in death, and that there is a hell. In this life of opposites, where we experience all kinds of conflict as a result of opposites, it does seem to us that " In death alone are opposites resolved, for ending opposites is to die." (W.138.7.3) To the ego, salvation from the conflict of our lives is death. Jesus tells us: " These mad beliefs can gain unconscious hold of great intensity, and grip the mind with terror and anxiety so strong that it will not relinquish its ideas about its own protection." (W.138.8.1) Clearly we see our own protection as anything that supports our individual existence and keeps us from the love that we are. Thus, all of the defenses of the ego maintain our separate self. These include our specialness, judgments, anger, worries, depression, pain, pleasure, sickness, special relationships,  etc. This is our armor against the truth of who we really are. The truth is a threat to us, and  so we feel that we need to protect ourselves against it.
When we choose Heaven, what does this mean and what exactly are we choosing? Take a situation where you are very angry with someone. The ego urges you to stay with this anger, arguing that it is justified on the basis of what this person has seemingly done to you. Yet to keep the anger is to deny Heaven. To keep the anger is to stay in hell. The choice for peace can easily be made, yet we often find stubborn resistance and a lack of willingness to make this choice. To the ego, anger is powerful, and choosing peace seems to let the "other" off the hook, but the alternative is to keep ourselves bound in chains and suffer the consequences of such a choice.

Today the Lesson is not about learning the truth, but about undoing the interferences to it. Our job is to find the resistance in our minds to the truth, and to bring our anger, pain, plans and attacks to the truth by looking at them and being willing to be shown another way. His light is there to shine away the darkness in our minds, if we let Him. We must be willing to bring what is buried in our minds into awareness. It takes honesty and courage. We want to hate, judge, see differences, accuse, blame, react in anger, fix external problems, etc., which all seems natural to us in the face of attack and when problems confront us. Instead, we are invited first to look at what we are projecting and see that it all starts in our own minds. " Projection makes perception." (T.21.IN.1.1)(ACIM OE T.21.I.1) When we ask for help and see what is the choice to be made, we will see that one brings us stress and pain, and the other release. Which will you choose today? Be vigilant in this. That is all that is required.
Remind yourselves of this choice for Heaven with these words: " Heaven is a decision that I must make. I make it now, and will not change my mind, because it is the only thing I want." (W.138.12.5-6) Start the morning with the reminder that this world is a classroom for undoing the thought system of the ego and approach the day with the joy of learning what is in store for you today. It won't matter if the Lessons seem painful, as you can be glad of them because of your goal of awakening. They all have this purpose, if we agree to it. Choose the Holy Spirit as your Teacher today to show you what the learning opportunity is for you today. Forgiveness is the means that will take you to your goal.
I love the concept of turning over our sleep to the Holy Spirit. It comes up in this Lesson when he says, " Before we close our eyes in sleep tonight, we reaffirm the choice that we have made each hour in between. And now we give the last five minutes of our waking day to the decision with which we awoke." (W.138.12.1-2) " Heaven is the decision I must make. I make it now, and will not change my mind, because it is the only thing I want." (W.138.12.5-6)
Notice any despair you are feeling about your life, any death temptation as an end to the conflict, and see the strength of these beliefs that keep you from choosing Heaven. Ask for help of the Holy Spirit to see that Heaven is the only choice and that life is all there is. It is all about forgiving any thoughts that show up in our minds that show us that we have chosen the ego. If we truly are dedicated to make this choice for Heaven, we must use the means provided us in the Course for this purpose.
Love and blessings, Sarah


A Course in Miracles 


Chapter Twelve

IV. Healing and Time                         

23 And now the reason why you are afraid of this course should be apparent. For this is a course on love because it is about you. You have been told that your function in this world is healing, and your function in Heaven is creating. The ego teaches that your function on earth is destruction and that you have no function at all in Heaven. It would thus destroy you here and bury you here, leaving you no inheritance except the dust out of which it thinks you were made. As long as it is reasonably satisfied with you, as its reasoning goes, it offers you oblivion. When it becomes overtly savage, it offers you hell.


24 Yet neither oblivion nor hell is as unacceptable to you as Heaven. For your definition of Heaven is hell and oblivion, and the real Heaven is the greatest threat you think you could experience. For hell and oblivion are ideas which you made up, and you are bent on demonstrating their reality to establish yours. If their reality is questioned, you believe that yours is. For you believe that attack is your reality and that your destruction is the final proof that you were right.


25 Under the circumstances, would it not be more desirable to have been wrong, even apart from the fact that you were wrong? While it could perhaps be argued that death suggests there was life, no one would claim that it proves there is life. Even the past life which death might indicate could only have been futile if it must come to this and needs this to prove that it was. You question Heaven, but you do not question this. You could heal and be healed if you did question it. And even though you know not Heaven, might it not be more desirable than death? You have been as selective in your questioning as in your perception. An open mind is more honest than this.


26 The ego has a very strange notion of time, and it is with this notion that your questioning might well begin. The ego invests heavily in the past and in the end believes that the past is the only aspect of time that is meaningful. You will remember that we said its emphasis on guilt enables it to ensure its continuity by making the future like the past and thus avoiding the present. By the notion of paying for the past in the future, the past becomes the determiner of the future, making them continuous without an intervening present. For the ego uses the present only as a brief transition to the future, in which it brings the past to the future by interpreting the present in past terms.


27 Now has no meaning to the ego. The present merely reminds it of past hurts, and it reacts to the present as if it were the past. The ego cannot tolerate release from the past, and although the past is no more, the ego tries to preserve its image by responding as if it were present. Thus it dictates reactions to those you meet now from a past reference point, obscuring their present reality. In effect, if you follow the ego's dictates, you will react to your brothers as though they were someone else, and this will surely prevent you from perceiving them as they are. And you will receive messages from them out of your own past because, by making it real in the present, you are forbidding yourself to let it go. You thus deny yourself the message of release that every brother offers you now.


28 The shadowy figures from the past are precisely what you must escape. For they are not real and have no hold over you unless you bring them with you. They carry the spots of pain in your minds, directing you to attack in the present in retaliation for a past that is no more. And this decision is one of future pain. Unless you learn that past pain is delusional, you are choosing a future of illusions and losing the endless opportunities which you could find for release in the present. The ego would preserve your nightmares and prevent you from awakening and understanding that they are past.


29 Would you recognize a holy encounter if you are merely perceiving it as a meeting with your own past? For you are meeting no one, and the sharing of salvation, which makes the encounter holy, is excluded from your sight. The Holy Spirit teaches that you always meet yourself and the encounter is holy because you are. The ego teaches that you always encounter your past, and because your dreams were not holy, the future cannot be, and the present is without meaning. It is evident that the Holy Spirit's perception of time is the exact opposite of the ego's. The reason is equally clear, for they perceive the goal of time as diametrically opposed.


30 The Holy Spirit interprets time's purpose as rendering the need for it unnecessary. Thus does He regard the function of time as temporary, serving only His teaching function, which is temporary by definition. His emphasis is therefore on the only aspect of time which can extend to the infinite, for now is the closest approximation of eternity which this world offers. It is in the reality of now, without past or future, that the beginning of the appreciation of eternity lies. For only now is here, and it presents the opportunities for the holy encounters in which salvation can be found.


31 The ego, on the other hand, regards the function of time as one of extending itself in place of eternity, for like the Holy Spirit, the ego interprets the goal of time as its own. The continuity of past and future under its direction is the only purpose the ego perceives in time, and it closes over the present so that no gap in its own continuity can occur. Its continuity, then, would keep you in time, while the Holy Spirit would release you from it. It is His interpretation of the means of salvation which you must learn to accept if you would share His goal of salvation for you.


32 You too will interpret the function of time as you interpret yours. If you accept your function in the world of time as healing, you will emphasize only the aspect of time in which healing can occur. For healing cannot be accomplished in the past and must be accomplished in the present to release the future. This interpretation ties the future to the present and extends the present rather than the past. But if you interpret your function as destruction, you will lose sight of the present and hold on to the past to ensure a destructive future. And time will be as you interpret it, for of itself it is nothing.

ACIM OE TX. CH 12 IV    




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