With a new school year starting in most countries, for most parents there is excitement but also concern. We sometimes have high expectations of what our children are supposed to achieve…and when things don’t turn out the way we wanted or thought, we get frustrated, right?  So how can we have the proper balance between helping our kids do their best versus demanding impossible standards of them?

To answer that question we need to understand some basics about the way God made us. He made all of us—our children, as well as ourselves—with two basic human needs:

1) Security—knowing we are loved and accepted, and

2) Significance—knowing we have meaning and purpose in life.

But here’s the problem: We are tempted to get these needs met in our own strength outside the will and purpose of God. Sometimes we even use our kids to get our adult needs met for significance and security. When Melissa does well academically or Trevor excels in sports, the parents gain significance. When Ann Elizabeth wins Homecoming Queen, mom gains acceptance. So we are tempted to push our kids to get our own basic needs fulfilled. It can get out of hand.

But here is what I have discovered…and this applies to parenting, marriage, my work and every area of life…the very thing I grasp, the “thing I have to have” is the very thing that keeps me and my family in bondage. When I choose to “die” to my unrealistic expectations of my family, then I become free to love them and cherish them as a husband and father is called to do.
Interestingly, these two needs are at the heart of what Jesus said are the two most important commandments…

1) Love the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind (Matt 22:37) and

2) Love your neighbor as yourself (Matt 22:39). 

Our Security comes from the Love of God and our Significance comes from taking that love of God and serving our family and those around us.
Encourage your children to do their best and let go of all expectations of where that will take them. Love those precious children and grandchildren unconditionally, and you’ll have a lifetime of wonderful relationships no matter what they achieve.

I love school supplies! There’s nothing like the smell of a new backpack filled with crisp new notebooks and freshly sharpened pencils. I was one of those weird kids who loved school. I want to remind those of you who take the children to school to pray a blessing over them as they leave your car.

Numbers 6:24-26 is my favorite blessing:

“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.”

I memorized this long ago, and each time I have spoken this blessing over my children and grandchildren, it blesses both of us and starts the day out right!