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Being Heard: Breaking Through the Impasse

 

When we are confronted with challenging discussions, one of two things typically happens: We default to silence rather than experience the frustration of another failed attempt to be heard or we engage the risk and find the other person isn't truly listening as they defend their turf. This article highlights the pathway toward being heard rather than shut down in such circumstances. 

  

In my last post,  Silence: A Relationship Killer, we explored the ruinous consequences that intentional silence has on relationships. Silence is antithetical to healthy communicating. Very often people may resort to silence because they anticipate that what they need to say will fall on deaf ears or, worse still, invite an angry reaction. Anticipating that roadblock, we may choose silence. There is a better way, however. Let's look at how we can navigate these sensitive communications successfully.

  

When we initiate a challenging discussion, it's more than likely that the other party may not truly be listening. Their negative reaction may be triggered by specific words or topics, our tone, or body language, but it is most likely anchored in the memory of past impasses and unresolved conflicts. More often than not, the other person appears to be defending their territory and preparing their rebuttal while we're still trying to articulate our thoughts, and vice-versa of course. Your sentence may not be complete before the other person's reaction has begun. The futility of not being heard becomes a primary reason why people may default to silence. 

  

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Mel will be teaching a live, interactive videoconference series, Learning the Tools for Successful Communicating, beginning Feb. 12th. To Learn more, please visit melschwartz.com/upcomingevents.html. And to receive Mel's next article in this series on communication, please join his mailing list melschwartz.com/index.html.   

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Mel Schwartz LCSW, Mphil, is a psychotherapist, marriage counselor, executive coach and seminar leader. He is the author of The Art of Intimacy, The Pleasure of Passion and the forthcoming A Shift of Mind. He earned his graduate degree from Columbia University and has been a keynote speaker at Yale University. Mel is the founder of the Emergent Thinking� process - a landmark approach to personal evolution. You can learn more about Mel at his website - www.Melschwartz.com .  

 

Mel is in private practice in Westport, CT (203.227.5010), NYC (443.629.7421), and also works with with clients both nationally and internationally by phone or skype. Mel can also be reached at [email protected]. Upcoming events are available at Melschwartz.com

 

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