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Publications
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Adoption-Sensitive Books, Fact Sheets and more!
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A MESSAGE FROM THE CEO | | |
 Dear Friends and Colleagues,
As we enter 2012, C.A.S.E. is pleased to share some exciting opportunities. On Thursday, January 26, I had the honor of being invited to be one of three guests on National Public Radio - NPR's popular Diane Rehm show. The topic of the show was "Adoptees using DNA to find family: Adult adoptees are turning to DNA tests and social media to find biological family members and trace their roots: balancing privacy with the need to know." Ms. Rehm asked excellent questions that provided me with the opportunity to help listeners understand how adoptees feel about being adopted and why many adoptees desire to seek connection with birth family members. I found the discussion to be extremely valuable as we explored important issues around openness in the world of adoption. I invite you to listen to the broadcast which can be accessed here.
C.A.S.E. is also pleased to announce its new partnership with the Dave Thomas Foundation's Wendy's Wonderful Kids program. For many years, the Dave Thomas Foundation has been an ardent supporter of our post adoption work. I deeply value our relationship and the tremendous impact the Foundation has through its Wendy's Wonderful Kids (WWK) program, under the leadership of CEO and President, Rita Soronen. WWK has recruiters in every state who work to provide proactive, child-focused recruitment programs to help move America's longest-waiting children from foster care into adoptive families. We are honored to be a partner of WWK and welcome Matt Shaffer, recruitment specialist, to our staff. Matt is currently supporting the efforts of several Maryland child welfare agencies to ensure permanency for children waiting for a family to call their own. Those agencies include Baltimore, Wicomico, Montgomery counties as well as Baltimore City. We are thrilled that C.A.S.E. has the opportunity to partner with the Dave Thomas Foundation on this important initiative.
READ MORE EXCITING NEWS AND UPDATES ABOUT C.A.S.E. HERE
Thank you for staying in touch with C.A.S.E.
Debbie Riley, LCMFT CEO C.A.S.E.
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OPEN ADOPTION CAN BE SCARY BUT SUCCESSFUL
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Kendra's birth family tried to raise her. Her birth mother was only
14 when she was born, and maternal grandparents did the best they could. Then tragedy struck. Kendra's grandfather died suddenly, and her grandmother could no longer support the family. By the time Kendra was 3, the family was homeless. Kendra often stayed with relatives and friends who neglected and abused her. She eventually came into care and parental rights were terminated.
Traumatized and later diagnosed with ADHD, Kendra was not an easy child to parent. She was always on the go and prone to temper tantrums. She went from one foster home to another until she was placed with the Martins, who fell in love with this "little bundle of energy." The Martins already had two rambunctious adopted sons, and were thrilled to have a daughter. Kendra just seemed to fit into their family. And so they adopted her.
At age 9, Kendra began to have difficulties at home and at school. The Martins told their C.A.S.E. therapist that she seemed angry a lot at home, didn't listen to them, and was getting into fights at school. Kendra loved her adoptive family. But it soon became crystal clear that Kendra was thinking about her birth family and longing to see them. She knew they lived nearby and she knew her story, but she didn't understand why they didn't want to see her. Kendra said, "I need to SEE them, to SEE who I look like. I need to know what has happened to them...if they are all right...if they ever think about me." The Martins wanted to help Kendra. They knew they had to try to open this adoption. But what if that meant "losing" her? What if that meant she wouldn't feel the same way about them? If she had another mother in her life, what would Mrs. Martin be to her? What if they didn't like the birth family? What if they were so different - had nothing in common? The Martins worked through their hesitations and fear with their C.A.S.E. therapist. |
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A New Definition of Family: Relationships in open adoption
| | Last March's successful webinar, Taking the Fear Out of Open Adoption, explored the benefits and challenges of the unique, important relationships between adoptive and birth families. To continue the dialogue, Mari Itzkowitz, C.A.S.E. Program Director, will be joined by a panel of adoptive parents who will provide invaluable insights around how to achieve successful relationships with the birth family.
Register for this great webinar here.
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OUR HOME OUR FAMILY:
A New Way to Strengthen Adoptive and Foster Families
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 C.A.S.E. is continuing to recruit couples to participate in this unique evidence-based program that was created especially for parents with challenging children. Described by a former participant as "one of the best things that happened to us as a couple and a family," the program does require a significant time commitment in order to bring about change quickly. Nine two hour sessions will take place in a combination of Saturday and evening meetings, with a beginning target date of Saturday, March 24. (We will not schedule meetings during the Spring/Passover/Easter break.)
We know how busy every family's lives are. 97% of couples who participated in the program that was piloted in the Milwaukee, Wisconsin area reported that it was well-worth the commitment!
WHEN: The program will begin on Saturday, March 24rd.
WHERE: C.A.S.E. main office in Burtonsville, MD. Nine two hour sessions will be covered in approximately 5 weeks with a combination of some Saturday sessions (which will include two 2 hour sessions) and Wednesday evening sessions.
FEES: $75 per COUPLE per two hour session, and a one-time materials fee of $50 per COUPLE. The cost of this program may be covered through grant funding, reduced fee through scholarship funding, and may be reimbursable through your insurance.
Interested couples have expressed the need for CHILD CARE, and we are looking into offering this as well.
Please contact us at 301-476-8525 or singer@adoptionsupport.org if you are interested in participating in the program and/or want more information. Please view our January 2012 e-newsletter for more information on OHOF here. You can also learn more about OHOF at ourhome-ourfamily.org.
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DANCE WITH THE STARS
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DEAR ELLEN: Sharing Very Difficult Information By Ellen Singer, LCSW-C | | |
Dear Ellen,
I know that adoption experts advise sharing "difficult" information related to a child's adoption story before the beginning of adolescence. My daughter, Emily, 12, was the result of an extramarital affair. Her birthfather was married, and her birth mother did not feel equipped to raise a child on her own. Emily only knows that last part of her story as well as the fact that her birth parents weren't married and had broken up by the time of her birth. I dread having to share the rest of the story, and honestly, I don't really understand why Emily ever needs to know this "truth."
Generally speaking, adoption experts DO encourage parents to reveal the most difficult details in pre-adolescence because pre-teens can cognitively comprehend the information, and remain emotionally open to parental support as they absorb it. As Holly van Gulden explains in Real Parents, Real Children, they will certainly process this information in new ways during adolescence, but it is best that they are "revisiting" the information rather than learning it for the very first time. In addition, if parents wait until the teen years to tell, they risk that the initial reaction will be anger that the information wasn't shared sooner, followed by mistrust.
It is completely understandable for parents to have much anxiety when it comes to sharing difficult information. Parents are naturally concerned that their children will be hurt and distressed by the information. Many parents worry that their tweens are still too young to learn about life circumstances that they have no ability to really comprehend - mental illness, criminal behavior, incarceration, sexual abuse, rape, violence, etc. Other parents worry that their children's positive self-esteem and personal identities will be negatively impacted. Will their tween think they are "bad" or "flawed" if their birth parent did something "bad? " It is natural for parents to want to protect their children.
I have encountered many parents who adamantly state that they will never tell their children "the whole truth." These well-meaning parents are unknowingly doing their children a huge disservice for a number of reasons.
READ ELLEN'S ADVICE HERE
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Center for Adoption Support and Education
4000 Blackburn Lane, Suite 260
Burtonsville, MD 20866
Phone: 301-476-8525 Fax: 301-476-8526
Valerie Kunsman, M.S.W.
Administrative and Training Director
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