A friend and I have been going back and forth in regards to dating. She is in no rush to get married, but feels pressured to "get out there" lest she miss out on her soulmate. I say what will be will be, and if it is meant to happen then it will. Can one's soulmate be "stolen" if they don't act in haste?

Answer:

It is most certainly possible to miss out on your soulmate.

The Talmud discusses certain times of the year when Jewish law does not allow weddings to take place. One of them is during a festival, like Pesach, as we do not want to mix celebrations together. However the Talmud says that while you can't perform a wedding during a festival, you can make shidduch - a match between prospective mates with a view to get married. The reasoning the Talmud gives is that while a wedding can wait until after the festival, if you delay making a match someone else may beat you to your soulmate.

But how can one person take a soulmate destined for someone else?

Through raising your soul to a higher level.

If you work on yourself, improve your character and refine yourself to a new spiritual plane, then your soulmate changes. A new improved soul gets a new improved soulmate.

And who will be that new improved soulmate? Someone whose original soulmate has either fallen to a lower spiritual level and doesn't deserve them anymore, or is dithering around, wondering if they are ready to get married...

This teaches us an amazing principle in soulmate searching. The two things that can cause you to lose your soulmate are spiritual decline, or lack of real effort. And the two things that will most help you find your soulmate are self-improvement, and determined effort.

Sit around and nothing will happen. But as long as you are out there, and as long as you are working on yourself, you will find him.

Good Shabbos,

Rabbi Moss

Sources: Talmud Moed Katan 18b, Arizal Shaar Hagilgulim Hakdoma 8