The Concept
"More about Appreciation"
“The greatest of all gifts is the power to estimate things at their true worth."
François de la Rochefoucauld
Appreciation versus Praise
As a child, I grew up hearing expressions like "good boy" or "nice job". These expressions of "approval" were often nice to hear and yet, always left me wondering. What was "nice" about that? It also left me a bit nervous. Does that mean I might not be "good" if I do something else?
These were the "instructions" I received on how to be a human. It was the "praise" I received from the "people in charge". From this "praise" I learned that certain behaviors earned me the label of "good". They also reminded me that I might lose that label if the "people in charge" decided my behavior wasn't "good".
This way of relating to others has shifted to something new for me, as I have traveled my path to a more compassionate and connected life. I have come to realize that many of the expressions of "praise" that I have received were often designed to get me to "behave". Others were designed to let me know that someone appreciated my actions and was grateful for what I did. The second category felt different. These expressions touched me in a way that felt connecting and clear. These are the ones I want to understand and be part of. They were not "praise"; they were "appreciation".
Living in Appreciation
A profound part of the practice of appreciation is that with the skills we have learned in this course so far, we can experience a deeper, more satisfying life, through our awareness. Also, as we discussed last week, through language, we can share it with others.
Inside myself, I can use the skills of feeling feelings and connecting them to my met needs, to notice the copious amounts of "metness" I am experiencing throughout my day. Right now, as I write these words, my brain is having thoughts, translating them into words, organizing them into sentences, helping my body type them into the message you are reading and helping me share this with you... Self-expression, mmmmmmm. All this while I am sitting in my office, which is clearly 40 degrees warmer than it is outside, while I'm fully clothed, while I'm fully rested, while my heart is pumping life through my body, while my lungs are bringing me fresh air, while the trees are helping make that fresh air, while this big blue ball of water, earth and life spins in space, while the sun gives us warmth and light... Comfort, security, care, well-being, peace of mind, communion... that's what I'm talkin' about! I can feel this; I can notice this. I can see that there are thousands of things happening that are contributing to the "metness" of my needs. I could go on... And I will (although I'll stop for now so I can get back to writing heheheh). Simply summarized, this practice makes my life and the lives of those around me more wonderful.
Receiving Appreciation
My partner and I have developed a practice of taking a few moments each day to share our appreciation for how we contribute to each other. In the beginning, it was a bit uncomfortable for me. After some thought, I realized it was because when I was growing up, appreciation had usually come with some sense of "approval" and "power over" and even engendered a sense of anxiety.
Over time I have learned to receive appreciation like "a shower", as opposed to "sustenance". Appreciation has become something that adds to my life, not something I depend on to feel OK about myself. This shift gives me a very different experience, one that is more choiceful and gratifying.
I have also noticed that instead of only thinking about the things that we did, or that we do, when we specifically think about the needs that we contribute to for one another through our actions, our experience is deeper and more satisfying.
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