When a friend of mine admonished her brother for smoking, he retorted with all honesty, "Then, how am I going to be able to kill myself?"
The young man felt the only control he had in his life was how he would be able to end it. He would be powerless without his addiction.
As Dr. Lance Dodes points out in his book Breaking Addiction, "Addiction is a behavior intended to reverse a profound, intolerable sense of helplessness. This helplessness is always rooted in something deeply important to the individual."
The helplessness, invariably, relates to some traumatic incident(s) that took place in the individual's past, usually, at a very early age and is, therefore, psychological in nature.
The drive behind the addictive behavior is propelled by rage at this helplessness. And, it is the degree of rage that gives addiction its most conspicuous characteristics of intensity and loss of control.
Addicts seem foreign to outsiders because people tend to look at the results of the behavior rather than the cause. They are not aware of the incredible rage a feeling of helplessness can create because they have never felt it themselves. In truth, addicts are no more weak-willed, stupid or lazy than anyone else. It may, in fact, be quite the contrary, since they may have more than most with which to deal.
It is important for everyone to understand, as Dr. Dodes points out, "addictions are all substitute or displaced actions. They take the place of a more direct response to feelings of helplessness in a particular situation."
The addicted person doesn't know how to handle a certain type of situation that may be like or similar to "trauma zero." A situation may, therefore, be a trigger to the helplessness felt during that key or underlying issue and the addiction becomes a mantle of control in which the person wraps him or herself.
Bottom line, addiction is a symptom, not a cause. And, to be helpful to those, who are addicted, as well as society in general, it should be viewed as such.
Here are some questions about addiction I've been asked....
Why does one person survive and another succumb to a particular situation?
Sometimes, it's a matter of physical constitution. It's akin to the fact some people can drink several drinks without physical impairment, while others may feel the effects after one or two drinks. It's the same with drugs, gambling, overeating, etc. Or, it may be psychological strength. A person, who can handle several drinks, can stop after one or two, while another, who feels the effects right away, can drink him or herself into a stupor. The latter is a matter of choice, initially. It produces a sense of control over helplessness. But, done over time, the feeling of control may dissipate. The underlying issue is lost and control turns to compulsion.
Why does a person choose one particular sort of addiction over another?
Sometimes, it's identification with important people in their lives, who already use that type of solution to emotional distress. Sometimes, it's an outlet that was most convenient, gave the greatest sense of power or, perhaps, was the most fun. It is not, however, genetic.
Can addictive behavior be cured?
Some very strong-willed individuals can pull themselves back from their addictive symptom through the help of organizations such as AA, GA, SA, etc. But, the success rate is surprisingly low. (AA reports a dropout rate of 75% in the first year and a success rate of only 5%-10%.) Yet, even those with great group or sponsor support will never truly conquer or cure their addiction unless they delve into the root cause.
And, unfortunately, medicating does not allow for getting at the root cause, either. Addiction is not a brain disease. Again, it's a symptom of a psychological problem.
It's not until the key issues are uncovered that a person is in a position to manage and...yes..., ultimately, end the addictive behavior.
As I've discussed in past postings, negative emotions such as rage usually start out as protections in infancy or childhood. They allow us to cope with the sometimes hostile world around us...those key issues or traumas. But, some develop better coping mechanisms than others. Why? There can be reasons of both nature and nurture. No one has exactly the same experience as another, even when in the seemingly same circumstances. But, whatever the case, one tends to forget the initial impulse that created the emotions and becomes blind to the situations that trigger them.
The objective of the Emotional Maturation process, therefore, is to transmute an emotion created in infancy to the adult level of the individual so it might be utilized in a more positive and fruitful manner. And, since emotions are tied to organs within the body, the process can, also, determine which organs may already be or may become affected. So, there are physical health benefits to the process, as well.
Note, however, that in a situation where there are addictive symptoms, it is important to determine whether or not there are negative influences outside of the individual's control that may be fostering the impulses and compulsions, i.e., negative spirit guides, possessive or discarnate entities, curse/spells, past life contracts/agreements. These must be removed before Emotional Maturation can truly be effective. This is what is known as Negativity Clearing.
Yet, it will, most likely, take a deep dive into therapy to come up with the key issues or trauma zero, resolve the feeling(s) in regard to the situation, understand the triggers that might pop up and learn the proper responses to them, when they do.
The worthwhile result is that a person can free him or herself so he/she can, one day, be able to toast in the New Year, bet in the office pool, have a meaningful sexual relationship, eat a dessert, i.e., indulge in whatever was once "the monster" and, then, feeling safe within his or her skin, enjoy a peaceful and satisfying sleep.
I wish that for everyone.
