The holidays can be a time of joy and excitement for most, but where there is the light, there also exists the darkness. Being a therapist at a hospital also holds the essence of both joy and sadness, the good news along with the bad. My work has transcended from getting children and young adults up and out of bed and moving with shifts of mood from stagnation and being withdrawn to mobility and excitement, into, at times, sitting with those who will or have lost their child for all of the unknown reasons that even doctors cannot explain. And this side of my work is just as important as the former. I am often amazed at the strength I witness in parents as they talk these moments through with me as this is an incredibly vulnerable and sacred moment for the parents to welcome us into the room to share in this process. It's like no other experience I have had nor will it ever be. As I realize my purpose shifts quite swiftly from the dancing space that a patient and family has created with me throughout the long months of their treatment to a space of remembrance, deep gratitude for the child who is sitting before us, and empathy with unconditional positive regard as the parent has to process how to say good-bye. I am often pulled towards the words of John O'Donohue, an Irish poet, who wrote prolifically about this subject and as we all navigate the holidays without some of our loved ones, I hope that his words can also give you comfort if there is a loved one that you will be thinking of this year.
On The Death Of The Beloved
- John O'Donohue
Though we need to weep your loss,
You dwell in that safe place in our hearts,
Where no storm or night or pain can reach you.
Your love was like the dawn
Brightening over our lives
Awakening beneath the dark
A further adventure of colour.
The sound of your voice
Found for us
A new music
That brightened everything.
Whatever you enfolded in your gaze
Quickened in the joy of its being;
You placed smiles like flowers
On the altar of the heart.
Your mind always sparkled
With wonder at things.
Though your days here were brief,
Your spirit was live, awake, complete.
We look towards each other no longer
From the old distance of our names;
Now you dwell inside the rhythm of breath,
As close to us as we are to ourselves.
Though we cannot see you with outward eyes,
We know our soul's gaze is upon your face,
Smiling back at us from within everything
To which we bring our best refinement.
Let us not look for you only in memory,
Where we would grow lonely without you.
You would want us to find you in presence,
Beside us when beauty brightens,
When kindness glows
And music echoes eternal tones.
When orchids brighten the earth,
Darkest winter has turned to spring;
May this dark grief flower with hope
In every heart that loves you.
May you continue to inspire us:
To enter each day with a generous heart.
To serve the call of courage and love
Until we see your beautiful face again
In that land where there is no more separation,
Where all tears will be wiped from our mind,
And where we will never lose you again.
