The Dating and Relationship Group: 
Positive Illusions in Romantic Relationships
In a groundbreaking study by Sandra L. Murray of the University of Michigan and her colleagues entitled "The Self-Fulfilling Nature of Positive Illusions in Romantic Relationships: Love Is Not Blind, but Prescient" published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, positive illusions in couples were evaluated.  These illusions consist of idealizations of one's partner and the subtle avoidance/denial of his/her weaknesses and limitations.  It turns out, as these researchers found, that these positive illusions aid relationships.  They are involved in overcoming conflict and the inevitable de-idealization of one's partner and "may act as a resource of goodwill or confidence that actually allows intimates to cope more effectively with (or at least tolerate) disappointments as time passes" (Murray et al., 1996, p. 1157).  In the next meeting of the Dating and Relationship Group on Saturday, April 16, 12:00 to 1:15 PM noon, I will talk about the findings of this study in more detail and how the authors linked their findings to the "Disappointment Model" and the "Wish-Fulfillment Model" -- important paradigms for understanding patterns in romantic love.  What is startling is the authors' conclusion that positive illusions seem to influence one's partner to become "more" of what is actually desired in a partner.  
The Men's Group:   
What People Actually Perceive When They Perceive Your Emotional IQ

In recent meetings of the Men's Group, an emerging issue has been the need to understand how, and in what ways, one can grow emotionally, psychologically, and interpersonally.  How does a man recognize what his strengths and limitations actually are, both in his own eyes and well as in the eyes of others?  And then actually do something about it?  Emotional IQ is at the heart of this question.  In the next meeting of the Men's Group on Saturday, April 16, 10:45 AM to 12:00 PM noon, we will re-visit the important concept of Emotional IQ.  But this time we will approach Emotional IQ from the perspective of how others perceive yours.  It is has been scientifically supported that self-assessment often differs significantly from others' perceptions.  This meeting will review what others are actually sensing when they consciously and unconsciously register your emotional capacities. 

To register for the April 16th meetings of the Men's Group and the Dating and Relationship Group:   If you would like to attend the Men's Group (10:45 AM to 12:00 PM noon) and/or the Dating and Relationship Group (12:00 to 1:15 PM) on Saturday, April 16, please RSVP ASAP to Dr. Tobin at 949-338-4388 or There is a limit of 14 attendees for each group and registrants will be accommodated on a first-come/first-serve basis.  The fee is $25.00 and the location is The Water Garden Business Center, 23421 South Pointe Drive, Suite 130, Laguna Hills, CA, 92653.  Please note that these groups are educational in purpose, not therapeutic.  
James Tobin, Ph.D., PSY 22074 | 949-338-4388 | 
Men's Group Flier: 
Dating and Relationship Group Flier: Flier
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Catalogue of Talks and 
Presentations: Summary