Question of the Week: 
 
I am getting married in two months from now, and last night we had a meeting with the rabbi who will be conducting the ceremony. Something came up which I am quite uncomfortable with: the issue of only the groom giving the bride a ring, and not vice versa. This essentially represents to me that I am being purchased. The idea that there is a problem with the bride also giving the groom a ring seems absurd to me. Surely I have as much say in the agreement to be married as my husband-to-be?
 
I know I am allowed to give the ring after the ceremony. However, I want to exchange rings during the ceremony. Gender equality is a very important issue to me. I am a highly educated woman, and I also value my Jewish identity, but I am quite upset about this. I would like to hear your opinion...
 
Answer:
 
I fully understand your concern. Many couples have asked me the same question. Coming from a modern perspective, it does seem a little lopsided for the man to give the ring exclusively. But I believe when you understand the meaning of the ring giving, you may feel differently. 
 
The chuppah is an exact spiritual operation to join your souls together. It is not just a ceremony celebrating your already existing relationship, it is a life-changing event that creates a new relationship. Before the chuppah you are two souls. After the chuppah, you are one. Still two individuals, with two minds and two hearts, but a united soul.
 
We can understand how two souls can become one by observing how two bodies can become one. The act of reproduction is the physical union of man and woman. In this bodily union, the man gives and the woman receives. Only this way can new life be created, a child conceived. That child is an actual manifestation of the unity of the parents. Man and woman have literally become one flesh.
 
The physical world is a mirror image of the spiritual world, and the workings of the soul are reflected by the workings of the body. Just as physical intimacy is the union of bodies, the wedding ceremony is an act of spiritual intimacy, uniting souls. And so in this act of spiritual union the man, expressing the male power of bestowal, gives the ring to the woman, the feminine receiver, making them one.
 
An exchange of rings doesn't create unity, just as an exchange of seed for egg would not produce a child. Only when the groom gives the ring and the bride receives it, then this singular act of his giving and her receiving produces oneness. Any attempt to alter that process would be, quite literally, counterproductive.
 
We can't play around with the facts of life. The spiritual life has facts too. May you and your partner be blessed with true oneness, and from that oneness may many little ones come.
 
Good Shabbos,
Rabbi Moss
 
Sources:
See Igros Moshe Even Haezer 3:18
Rashi on Bereishis 2:24


To subscribe  CLICK HERE or email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au 

ASK US ABOUT FLEXIBLE PAYMENT OPTIONS BOOK NOW

SHABBOS SERVICES TIMES AND COMMUNITY INFO 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, 14 July, 2017 | 20 Tammuz 5777
Candle Lighting............... 4:46pm 
Mincha........................... 4:55pm
Friday Evening Service..... 6:00pm
Followed by Kiddush.
 
Shabbos, 15 July, 2017 | 21 Tammuz 5777
In depth Parsha Class............. 9:00am
Children's program ................ 10:45am
Shabbos Morning Service ...... 10:00am- 12:20pm 
Kiddush in honour of Gidon and Rafael Persky's birthdays, sponsored by their parents- Mazal Tov!
 
Mincha with Pirkei Ovos Ch 1
followed by Seudah Shlishis ...............   4:40pm
Gematria and story by Rev Amzalak...... 5:05pm
Shiur with Rabbi Moss.......................... 5:25pm 
Shabbos ends and Maariv..................... 5:44pm
Followed by Havdalah
 
WEEKDAY SHACHARIS SERVICES
Sunday .......................... 8:00am
Mon - Fri......................... 7:00am
Latest Shema this week.... 9:27am
 
LONG LIFE TO
David Kessler and family on the passing of his sister Nanette Kessler, Genenda bas Avraham a"h.
 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO
Deborah Bui.........23 Tammuz/ Monday 17 July
Chana Moss..........25 Tammuz/ Wednesday 19 July
Misha Lavecky......26 Tammuz/ Thursday 20 July
Erna Frankfurter... 27 Tammuz/ Friday 21 July
 
LONG LIFE TO
Marlene Franks and family for her late mother Cecily Wolman
Tsovia bat Sabsa Welva..... 22 Tammuz/ Sunday 16 July
Zelman Nissen and family for his late father Michael Judah Nissen Michael Judah ben Avrom           22 Tammuz/ Sunday 16 July
Judy Swaab for her late mother Adel Reves
Sarah bat Avraham............ 22 Tammuz/  Sunday 16 July
Adele Glick for her late mother
Nachama Rieback ............ 22 Tammuz  / Sunday 16 July
Joseph Newman for his late uncle
Cyril Moshe Shostak ......... 23 Tammuz/ Monday 17 July
Brian Schwartz for his late mother Rebecca (Becks) Schwartz
Sara Rivka bat Moshe....... 24 Tammuz/ Tuesday 18 July
Rebecca Steiner-Carrion for her late friend
Anna Fisher, Channa bat Leib..... 25 Tammuz/ Wednesday 19 July
Rev Amzalak for his late father
Reb Yizchak ben Reb Avraham..... 27 Tammuz Friday 21 July

If you have recently received an Aliyah at Nefesh Shul and would like to make a donation in honour of that, please click here.