Whales or Emails?  

The very best moments of my life have never involved email.  Yet I sacrificed seeing the above whale (actually one just like it) to read an email.  Now on the email scale it was a really good email. But it doesn't compare to being present at the birth of one of my kids or an intimate anniversary dinner with my wife.  I have the feeling that lots of people these days are passing up "whales" for random emails.  As I have mentioned in the past  the slot machine reinforcement pattern (random intermittent)  is the same highly addictive pattern as email, texts and the like.  You never know when you are going to get a winner so you are vigilant all the time, and constantly sacrificing a bit of your presence for what "could be". 

The reason whales were a viewing option, is we were in Hawaii prepping for the Couples Course�  that was held over Valentines weekend.  I had a sort of knee jerk "shock" reaction at my behavior.  I "know" better.  My knowing in this case did not prevent the problem.  A lot of us "know better" about a lot of things that we seem to powerless to effect change.  

In this case my immediate reaction was to turn off the instant ping notification of emails and texts.  I did not want to miss any more whales breaching!  That actually helped.  In fact it was such a relief I turned off the the sound completely on my phone and then I stopped carrying it for long stretches of time.  Now when you own your own business completely unplugging is not one of the choices.  But unplugging for periods of time is.   

We have devolved into an "all emergency all the time" working pattern.  At what cost?  What is the cost of constant availability and perpetual anticipation of the next email?  Most of us have examples of missing a real time significant event because we were checking  the ping on our phones only to find out it was a 10% off coupon at Arby's!   

So that's the obvious problem.  The less  obvious problem is when we are anticipating the next text or email we are never fully present in this moment of time.  The most satisfying moments in our lives were all moments of pure presence.  I think that is the essence of great moments in our lives is that our attention was fully there.   Have you ever seen the glazed over robot look for people playing slot machines?   I am greatly concerned that this is where we are all headed.  We have all witness the 2015 Norman Rockwell tableau of a family of 4 "together" at dinner each on their own phones mesmerized looking at the screen and no one interacting with each other.   

So what will it take to get the technological needle out of our arms?  Well I can attest that turning the notifications off is a start.  If you are in a meeting and everyone's phones are randomly going off like Pavlov's dogs we are all having a startle reflex.  Its like giving everyone a mild electric shock every 5 minutes.  Each successive time the attention level to the task at hand drops lower and lower.  No wonder meeting effectiveness is dropping like a rock. Some couples made promises to each other about no phones at dinner.  Having a promise to someone who will hold you accountable is much better than will power alone. 

Whether you don't want to miss the whales in your life or you would just like to get some results produced we have to start to set some boundaries in this insane world. One of the reasons the Couples Course� seems to produce such great results every year is the couples dedicate that time of pure presence to nurture their relationship.  Hawaii certainly invites being present but it isn't the place alone.  It is the commitment to really be with each other.  In this Attention Deficit world how much real presence are your relationships getting?  When was the last time to dedicated 7 days to just your relationship?   

Perhaps contemplating the answer to that question will explain why things look the way that the do.  Whether turning off the Notifications or joining us next year in Hawaii (dates for 2016 below) take a step away from the slot machine and towards satisfaction!

As always we invite your comments.