The Men's Group   

Revisiting the Idea of "FLOW": The Man Who Assimilates 

In our last meeting of the Men's Group, I introduced the distinction between lifestyles of accommodation vs. assimilation.  Accommodation represents a "tilt" toward prioritizing others and others' vision of who we are and should be.  It was suggested that this tilt often leads to patterns of codependence, emptiness, and lack of fulfillment that can continue across the lifespan.  In contrast, the opposing tilt of assimilation, while more challenging, promotes the potential for one to be more creative, less vulnerable to narcissistic dynamics, and open to learning and discovery.  In the next meeting of the Men's Group on Saturday, March 21, 2015 (10:45 AM to 12:00 PM noon), I will elaborate on the accommodation and assimilation frameworks and illustrate their role in a variety of men's life experiences including romantic love, sexuality, work/career, parenting, and spirituality.  The notion of "FLOW" will be revisited in this context, i.e., I will argue that a lifestyle of assimilation reduces the level of effortful output and the subsequent disappointment and frustration so commonly experienced by accommodators.  The distinction between DESTINY and FATE will also be entertained as philosophical constructs differentiating accommodation from assimilation. To register to attend this group on Saturday, March 21, 2015, please see the directions below. 


The Dating and Relationship Group

Personalities in Love: 8 Dysfunctional Relationship Configurations 

In our next meeting of the Dating and Relationship Group on Saturday, March 21, 2015 (12:00 to 1:15 PM), the third installment of our module on the role of personality in romantic love, we will review the major signs and features of the predominant personality types as conceptualized by scholars.  The capacity to recognize your own, and your partner's, personality type is extremely useful in helping to determine the overall viability of the relationship and its chances of survival.  Next, how the various personality types REGRESS when they fall in love will be showcased; regression is a psychological phenomenon that all persons experience in times of stress, even the positive stress of love.  Third, I will portray all romantic relationships as "configurations" in which two persons come together - two personality types who are experiencing varying degrees of regression - and attempt to negotiate their co-existence.  Our meeting on Saturday, March 21, will focus on the 8 dysfunctional relationship configurations that may ensue which I have identified: Madonna-Whore, Detouring, Repetition/Re-traumatization, Sadomasochism, Role Fulfillment, Criss-Cross/Flip-Flop, Isolate, and Codependency.  In our subsequent group meeting on April 4, I will describe a set of highly functional and positive relationship configurations that will be featured in contrast with these dysfunctional ones. To register to attend this group on Saturday, March 21, 2015, please see the directions below.


The next meetings of the Men's Group and the Dating and Relationship Group will be on Saturday, March 21, 2015 at The Water Garden Business Center, 23421 South Pointe Drive, Suite 130, Laguna Hills, CA, 92653.  The fee is $25.00.  If you plan to attend, please RSVP ASAP to Dr. Tobin at 949-338-4388 or as space is limited in each group to the first 14 persons who register to attend.   The Men's Group will be at 10:45 AM to 12:00 PM noon, and the Dating and Relationship Group at 12:00 noon to 1:15 PM. 

James Tobin, Ph.D., PSY 22074 | 949-338-4388 | 
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