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Today's focal points:
Reducing time for face-to-face conversation results in reduced learning in two critical areas: 1. How to receive and read body language and vocal qualities feedback from others. 2. Development of self-confidence, a good vocabulary, and social and workplace interpersonal skills.
Historical Background:
Before the internet and smart phones, television was the culprit that reduced or eliminated conversation in homes. Remember the "TV dinners" and "TV trays?" Families would sit on couches eating dinner from their trays, and watch their favorite programs on the "tube." "Shhh! no talking."
Decades later came the cell phones and Facebook and Twitter and texting.
Here's what various studies by psychologists concluded:
"Too much time with your smartphone may lead to poor conversational skills."
"In their presence, people have the constant urge to seek out information, check for communication and direct their thoughts to other people and worlds." (So wrote Shalini Misra, a psychology professor at Virginia Tech in the U.S.)
When people are distracted by their phones, they tend to miss subtle cues such as changes in facial expression.
How about pairs of conversers? Misra's study found that many visitors to a caf� sitting in pairs or small groups checked their phone every three to five minutes. (How is a serious conversation possible?) For learning social skills, you must be able to read the feedback of the sender.
Twittering, so brief, can be ambiguous or vague, like some old paper telegrams. E.g., "I'm not feeling well," and "What are you doing later?" and "yes, your performance was really interesting." What do those mean, specifically?
A different study concluded that, on average, teenage girls checked their Facebook accounts roughly 100 times each day.
How about plain old phone messaging, aka "audio time?" Here's a complaint I have heard from mothers describing messages from their daughters living away from home: "Mom, if you want to communicate with me, don't phone. Text me." Missing is the emotional quality of a young adults voice that can be decoded by the mother.
What is required for complete communication between persons is face to face interaction. That provides for "full duplex" communication where sender and receiver can both send messages at the same time. Both communicate, one with words and nonverbal signals, the other only with nonverbal signals.
You develop self-confidence by learning social skills, and to do that, you must be able to read the feedback of the sender. With text messaging and Twittering, meanings can be vague or ambiguous, like old-fashioned telegrams. "What are you doing later?" or "I'm not feeling well," for example, are vague.
What some families are doing to combat the intrusion of electronics at meal time:
Simple rules: NO TV on, no phones or iPads at the dinner table. Period.
What some restaurant and cafes are doing:
They identify each person's device with a tag and give each a stub, just like baggage claim. (or like coat checking.)
They offer drink discounts for those who leave their devices at the door. (Singapore's "Social Rehab" does this.)
The Chinatown Experiment, a temporary coffee shop in Vancouver, B.C.is designed as a large Faraday cage, an enclosure made of a mesh of conducting material that blocks any electric signals.
Other restaurants offer discounts on meals like buy one, get one free. They don't want guests annoyed by a guy nearby talking on his phone.
Don't get me wrong here. I'm all for the internet and could not be sending you this newsletter without it. Also, I am glad to have a cell phone for road emergencies and important personal messaging.
Today's Take-away: Establish some rules for use of "electronic devices."
Simple ones like "No phones at out dinner table." When you're in charge, you can set the rules. When you're a co-equal with others, you can suggest agreement: "Would you agree to put away your phones during our time together?"
Rules work: In Hawaii, many casual restaurants post this rule:"No shirt, no shoes, no service." (It works for them.)
Until next week, Loren
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