Absent was his strong physical stature and gregarious, charismatic personality. To the contrary, he was uncharacteristically quiet and frail when I went home for Christmas. Nevertheless I was shocked when I received the call three and a half months later. My father was dying. It was time for me to come home.
The next few days were a blur. Between the solemn drives from the farm to the hospital to anxious hours in the waiting room, my mother, sisters, brother and I kept a constant vigil at his hospital bedside. During the next two days we supported each other with lighthearted sibling bantering and recalling joyful family memories. Humor was one of Daddy's gifts to us, and we were determined to preserve that gift.
His greatest gift to me was his faith. As I stood by his bedside on Mother's Day so many years ago, Daddy's last words "Thy will be done" passed his lips before a peaceful smile graced his countenance. I knew he was at peace. I knew he was with God.
At 21 years of age, my life had changed forever. My father was my rock...I loved him and respected him not only as my father, but for the person of character, strength and faith that he was. I returned to my single life a thousand miles away from family...initially unable to handle my grief. At times I felt as if it would suffocate me. Then my faith kicked in.
I found solace in praying every day for my father's soul. As I prayed I found a closeness with him, I could never begin to explain. I came to feel his presence with me. I no longer felt the strangling hold of death. Through my prayer God had given me the peace for which I had been seeking. This peace and my faith in God's promise of the resurrection assured me we would truly be reunited one day.
We all experience trials. We all experience loss in some form or another...whether it be debilitating illness, death of a loved one, divorce, financial ruin, family disputes. With each can come that grip of suffocating helplessness. Yet God is present with us through each of our trials. He is but a whisper away. He knows our pain and suffering and is waiting for us to turn to Him. That doesn't mean he is going to instantaneously wipe the trial away. Nevertheless He has a plan for us, but is waiting for us to do our part in overcoming.
With each trial there is a lesson to be learned. We live in a society of instant gratification with the instinct to cut out the pain and quickly move on. Yet we must learn to work through the problem rather than avoid it or walk away from it. The correct answers to the test lie in whether or not we will allow God to use these trials to mold us into the person He intends us to be.
Will we face the cross we have to bear with courage and faith in knowing God is not only with us, but is in control? Will we fight back with anger and blame, or will we respond through the worst of situations by being Christ to those who mistreat us? Will we learn our lesson and pass the test by seeking God's peace in the midst of our turmoil?
It isn't simple. We fall down, get up, stumble again, but continue to move forward. However, we aren't pulling ourselves up on our own. God's loving presence is always with us to lift us up when we are down.
There isn't a day that I don't miss my father (and my mother as well since she passed a few years ago). There are moments I succumb to the sadness of my loss. Yet just as I feel my parents' presence, I know God is always with me guiding me through the struggles and blessings of this life.
