When we feel pain, we have a frantic urge to unload it, to get rid of it somewhere else. Those who have been emotionally damaged tend to inflict their hurt and pain on other people. We act thoughtlessly at times. We lash out and take the people we love down in our wake. Most of the time we don't mean what we say, but we say it anyway because of the relief that we experience when we say it. We don't want to hurt each other, but we simply do not know how to let go of our own hurt without projecting it onto others.
Fight Fire with Water
We are essentially the collective sum of our thoughts, choices and actions. Instinctively, "fight fire with fire" kicks in and you want to respond, defend and accuse. The true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you, and you try to understand his or her situation instead of trying to hurt back. If you can step back and send mental well-wishes to people who want us to share their pain, you can rise above their suffering. Only then do you retain the power of the situation.
For Better or Worse
You are fully responsible for who you become. This is bad news for those of you who are stuck in life and want to blame someone else for it. A lot of people thrive on emotional conflict. They want to hear and see how much they affect you. Don't let them affect you. It takes away their motivation to bother you. When they don't get energy back from you, it's like you're not even fun to yell at anymore.
The code of ethics we adopt and what we stand for give us a foundation from which we can operate in the world, for better or worse.
Take the High Road
Taking the high road means doing the right thing even if it's not popular or easy.
It is a state of being to strive for, but no one does it perfectly.
Hurting people hurt people. They have wounds, whether chosen or not. Be patient, love them anyway, and forgive. Just because someone invites you to the drama does not mean you need to RSVP. Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore. It's not easy to take the high road. On top of that, we usually don't get credit for taking the high road. This isn't about looking good to others; there is something healthy about taking the high road and standing on a solid foundation of ethics.
When we deviate from this higher path, it is to avoid some form of discomfort or to gain something positive out of a situation. Or both.
Hurting people tend to hurt others, whether consciously or unconsciously. This is because they are hurt and are in need of healing. I don't want to excuse bad and hurtful behavior, but I know that people who hurt others have tremendous needs. It's easy to pull away from people who hurt you. In fact, it's the easiest thing to do. We are not judgmental by separating ourselves from such people, but we should do so with compassion. People hurt others as a result of their own inner strife and pain.
We are all on a journey, each of us very different from our peers. Therefore, we will not always be able to understand someone else's journey. However, even if we do not understand, we can still empathize. Hurting people aren't bad; they are damaged, and they deserve our compassion. Hurting people hurt people because they just don't recognize or remember how to stop hurting themselves.