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From The Positive Perspective.......
Believing that you have the power to change your thoughts and actions is another key to being successful in learning to regain trust in yourself or others. Think of some powerful people from history and how their trust in themselves and in those around them allowed them to do great things. If Thomas Edison didn't have trust in himself that he could be the inventor he imagined, then we could all still be reading by candlelight. Helen Keller would not have been an inspiration to generations if she did not have confidence in herself in overcoming the many obstacles she faced.
If you have no confidence or trust in yourself that you can change something, you probably won't. If you believe that the sky is the limit and you can alter your life to be what you want it to be then you have a chance. Where do you fall on that continuum now and where would you like to be? Imagine what that endpoint looks like and set goals to get there. If you need assistance in setting or reaching those goals, seeking counseling is an excellent option to help get you there.
Trust also involves taking responsibility for what may have caused mistrust to occur in a relationship in the first place. We are not talking about blame, but choices we have made. If we made the choice to go outside the marriage, we need to take ownership of that. If we chose to ignore our mate, friend or family member instead of talking about the problem, we need to take ownership of that as well. Own that you made the choice to drink or steal or lie. It is difficult to do but is well worth the rewards that can come in the long run from being honest. Taking ownership of your part allows you to move beyond that point because you have identified what went wrong. You have brought the issue to your conscious self. Get specific with identifying your choice. Learn from those choices and begin to trust in yourself and the other party that better choices can be made if you are honest and work together.
Learning how to balance trust with boundaries is also important. We want a balance of being able to be vulnerable with others but not at such a high cost that we lose sight of our values. Trusting someone who has hurt us over and over again is not wise, unless the other person is getting help on how to change. Be sure to get proof of that effort. Trusting someone who "reminds" us of that person who hurt us can be difficult as well. That person will have to work twice as hard to gain your trust. Explaining to that person where your views are coming from can help that other person to understand your motivations for holding back.
To wrap up this topic on trust I ask you to consider a few things. First, can you trust yourself? Trusting yourself and your instincts can go a long way in learning how to trust others. Once you are confident in your decisions, think about those who influence your life currently. Can they be trusted? If the answer is yes, than celebrate that and thank those individuals in your life who have proven themselves trustworthy. You might be surprised at their reaction and it may be the first time in their life someone has thanked them for being trustworthy. If they cannot be trusted, then evaluate why they are in your life. If they need to be in your life, seek advice on how to improve that relationship. If they do not need to be in your life, then you decide how to distance them in the fairest and least harmful way. Bottom line, if you surround yourself with those who have proven to be trustworthy, life can be much more enjoyable and fulfilling.
Keep in mind that it helps to look at life's issues
From The Positive Perspective......
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