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Kathy Caprino, M.A. - Breakthrough Expert and Speaker for Women
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April 29, 2011
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Ellia Communications, Inc. is a career coaching and marketing consulting firm dedicated to helping women achieve breakthrough - in their lives and work, relationships, and in their businesses - to create the success and fulfillment they truly want.  Ellia offers transformative coaching, seminars, marketing consulting and resources that help women achieve their highest visions of passion, power, and purpose.
Kathy's book, Breakdown, Breakthrough offers a powerful, holistic guide to overcoming the 12 hidden crises women face today.

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kathy@elliacommunications.com
 
Phone: 203-834-9933
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Twitter: @kathycaprino
 
  

Greetings! 

  

A few days ago, I was taking a break with a friend, sitting outside in a beautiful park near my home, soaking up the sun.  I relished the chance to sit quietly in nature and catch up. 

In a short while, we got around to discussing our personal lives and the inner workings of our family dynamics.


We shared, laughed, winced, and sighed - at all the things that are going very well, and those things that we wished might have been different.  (It's wonderful to a have a friend you can be truly candid and authentic with, isn't it?) What a gift.

 

After sharing a bit about our perceived triumphs and disappointments, my friend said something that reached in and plucked a heartstring for me.  She said:

"Kathy, I've realized that in order to be happy and not drive myself mad, I have to love my kids and my husband for who they are, but also for who they aren't."

Wow, did that resonate for me.

My friend was talking about that fact that, despite everything we try to do for our family, and how hard we strive to shape them (and our relationships) in ways we think are healthy, happy and productive -- they're just not always going to be who we think they should be, or who we think we want them to be.

But rather than make ourselves sick in our longing for them to be different, it's so much more peaceful and fulfilling to accept them as they are -- love them for who they are and are not.  It's an easier and more joyful life when we embrace the idea that if parts of our loved ones were different - even tiny fragments or slivered dimensions -- they simply wouldn't be the people we love so deeply. 

Our discussion reminded me of something my husband said to me years ago when we were first married.  I was picking a quarrel with him about something insignificant about his behavior (some imagined huge "flaw" of his that I was deeply annoyed about), and he said, 

"You know, Kathy, I don't view you and our relationship the way you do.  I don't extract out the small, petty things I don't like, examine them and make a federal case of them, or wish they were different.  I accept what is.  I look at you as a whole package that I've married - not something I can dissect and separate into little pieces that are good or bad.  I take the whole thing."  

My friend and I explored this, and agreed that women seem to do more of this "separate, evaluate, and denigrate" thing.   We hone in on the stuff that we believe should be modified.  We magnify it and make it a huge bone of contention.  Men on the other hand, don't seem to have this ever-constant need to pick us apart and talk to death about the stuff they wish were different. 

Whether it's a gender thing or not, I know this to be true - when I am able to fully accept my family (and everyone else I know, for that matter, including myself), my life goes better.   

My job, I realize, isn't to play creator or "tinkerer" - it's to be fully present, alive, loving and accepting, to the greatest degree I can.  When I'm able to do that, I realize that all is just as it should be.

How about you - Do you find more joy and peace when you accept your loved ones for who they are, rather than tinker with them to be someone else? Please share your thoughts on my blog!

Thanks so much for being in community with me.   Enjoy your day, and your loved ones. 

Wishing you many happy breakthroughs,  

Kathy

P.S. Let's connect!  You can find me on LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter.  I'd love to hear from you. 

LIFE COACHING FOR POSITIVE CHANGE

 

Sometimes, we all need a bit of help to change what isn't working in the way we're relating with others or attempting to address our life and interpersonal/family issues.

 

As a trained marriage and family therapist and life coach (as well as a career and executive coach), I've learned that the best way to improve our lives and relationships is to do something radically different from what you normally would - in other words, to stop repeating what isn't working, move away from your habitual patterns that keep you stuck, and create completely new pathways to success, fulfillment, love and acceptance.

 

If you'd like a bit of help to bring about positive change in your life and relationships, I'd love to be of service!

 

Please feel free to call me at 203-834-9933 or write me at kathy@elliacommunications.com to explore a life coaching program designed to bring about the positive changes you long for in your life and relationships.

 

I'd love to help.

 
Kathy Caprino, MA 
Ellia Communications, Inc.
email: kathy@elliacommunications.com
Phone: 203-834-9933
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