The Dating and Relationship Group:
What We Really Know about the "Laws of Attraction" 

The next meeting of the Dating and Relationship Group on June 4, 2016 will be the second installment in a series of sessions devoted to the topic of  "mate selection" and how people choose their romantic partners.  In our last meeting, we explored Tim Urban's articles "How to Pick Your Life Partner -- Part I" and "Part II."  These articles suggest that social, economic and biological factors usually collide, often making the choice of a partner hurried, chaotic, and uninformed.  Urban identifies 5 romantic configurations ("Overly Romantic Ronald," "Fear-Driven Frida," "Externally-Influenced Ed," "Shallow Sharon," and "Selfish Stanley") that typically result in failed relationships. In the next meeting of the Dating and Relationship Group on Saturday, June 4, 2016, 12:00 to 1:15 PM noon, we will consider the current knowledge base on the "laws of attraction."  Issues of physical attraction and sexual chemistry, financial potential, similarity, difference, how positive and negative qualities are assessed, etc. will be explored along with the two dominant theories of mate attraction and selection, i.e., the evolutionary approach and social role theory.  A speed-dating experiment conducted by two Northwestern University psychologists will also be discussed, especially their surprising finding that what people say they are looking for in a partner may not actually be born out in their behaviors.  The implications of this material for choosing a romantic partner will be pondered; there will also be ample time for group discussion.   

The Men's Group: 
Male "Woundedness" 

In the next meeting of the Men's Group on Saturday, June 4, 2016, three perspectives of male "woundedness" will be considered.  First,  Richard J. Loebl's view of the "LATE" man will be explored.  Loebl argues that many adult men are actually under-developed and "show up late" to various developmental milestones, mature ways of coping, and identity development.  The origin of the "LATE" man's problems is the belief that during his childhood he suffered a "Father Wound" (i.e., had a father who was unavailable, emotionally distant or strict/militaristic) and/or a "Mother Wound" (i.e., had a mother who was over-burdened or who may have "parentified" the son).  Second, another perspective on a man's "Father Wound" will be considered.  Richard (Dick) Innes, a Christian-based theorist, contends that many boys do not feel loved by their fathers nor able to meet their fathers' expectations.  Consequently, as adults most men seek to repair this wound through career and financial success or by garnering the attention of women.  Third, the work of psychotherapist Linda Marks will be discussed.  For Marks, most children suffer emotional wounds during childhood, and the type of wound that compromises the need for narcissistic supplies is especially devastating for boys.  Yet masculine socialization is largely based on "suppressing the male heart and the wounded male heart," Marks argues, and "put(ting) duty ahead of emotional fulfillment."  In the next meeting of the Men's Group on Saturday, June 4, 2016, 10:45 AM to 12:00 PM noon, these perspectives will be presented in detail and their implications considered.  

To register for the June 4th meetings of the Men's Group and the Dating and Relationship Group:   If you would like to attend the Men's Group (10:45 AM to 12:00 PM noon) and/or the Dating and Relationship Group (12:00 to 1:15 PM) on Saturday, June 4, 2016, please RSVP ASAP to Dr. Tobin at 949-338-4388 or There is a limit of 14 attendees for each group and registrants will be accommodated on a first-come/first-serve basis.  The fee is $25.00 and the location is The Water Garden Business Center, 23421 South Pointe Drive, Suite 130, Laguna Hills, CA, 92653.  Please note that these groups are educational in purpose, not therapeutic.  
James Tobin, Ph.D., PSY 22074 | 949-338-4388 | 
Men's Group Flier: 
Dating and Relationship Gro u
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