Have you ever had your life pass before your eyes? They say it happens when people have near-death experiences. The other night I was watching a television show where the main character's life passed before his eyes even as a bullet was racing toward his chest. In this split moment, he had the opportunity to see how his life would have turned out differently had he made different decisions at certain pivotal points in his life. Ah, the wonders of television, that we might be able to see how making different choices in our past would have affected our future.

I must admit that the program set me to wondering about how my own life's decisions had affected my future and the future of my loved ones. In a moment of self-reflection, I thought about how some of the decisions I've made have led me to where I am today. I wondered what my life would be like now had those decisions been different. If anyone had ever asked me 25 years ago what my life would be like in 2012, I'm not sure that I would ever have been able to dream-up what is now my current reality. And I am thankful.

I thought about how most of the really pivotal decisions in my life were made during difficult and emotional times of crisis, upheaval and sometimes, fear. It was at those times that I summoned up the courage to strike out in a new direction. I guess that makes sense, though. It's human nature: If all seems to be going well for us in the status quo, we're not as inclined to come out of our comfort zones and initiate change. As I reflected on it, I realized that some of the best life changing decisions I ever made took place under some of the worst circumstances I ever encountered.

I'm a member of the Church Within A Church Movement. The Church Within A Church Movement was formed about 10 years ago. It was born out of times of crisis and upheaval in the United Methodist Church. Its founders made a pivotal decision to strike out in a new direction - a direction that rejected unjust systems of oppression in the United Methodist Church - a direction that was not focused on pursuing legislative change from within the church, but rather, was focused on Being fully inclusive and just now, and providing pathways to ordination and resources for those oppressed and rejected by the church.

Had I not been an object of that oppression and rejection in 2006, I might never have sought out the Church Within A Church Movement. It was at that time that my partner, a local pastor in the United Methodist Church, made a pivotal decision that she must speak the truth about us and our marriage. She could no longer live with the damage that a "don't ask, don't tell" regime engenders. Within hours of speaking the truth, she was removed from her position and prevented from having any contact with her congregation. From that day forward, she was to be excluded from ordained ministry in the UMC. What she did took tremendous courage, honesty and integrity.

Because of that event, I no longer felt at home in the UMC, even though I had called it my church home for my entire life. Though no member of any UMC congregation to which I've belonged has ever been unkind to me, I found it more and more difficult to be associated with a church where the Discipline states that who I am is, "incompatible with Christian teachings".  

I count my decision to become a member of the Church Within A Church Movement as one of the best decisions I have ever made. Immediately, I was celebrated for who I am. I was among the rejected and the outcast and those choosing another way of BEing church and found that I was not alone. Being a member of this community has strengthened my resolve to dismantle all forms of oppression, whether it be sexism, heterosexism, racism or any other "ism" that prevents me from authentically following the ways of Jesus.   It has helped to draw me out of my own isolation and to value my own worth. In this Movement, we have the opportunity to create a new way of being Christian community without the oppressive systems and hierarchy of the church. As a result, my horizons are expanding, I understand that I need to do my own work to dismantle oppression, and I'm learning and growing in ways that I might never have realized had I not taken this path. I am truly thankful. 

Where would I be now if those courageous founders had not decided to start this Movement?   What would my life be like? How will the decisions we're making now as a Movement affect the future? How would the future be changed if I had the courage to come out of my comfort zone, take an active part in this Movement, and BE the change I hope to see in the world? How would the future be changed if everyone reading this did exactly that?   I have great hope for this Movement, for me, and for you.

Terry Schwennesen

Terry Schwennesen

Co-convener of the national Coordinating Team

Co-leader Anti-Racism Work Area

Legally married to Rev. Annie Britton.