Professor Kurt Marquart said any number of memorable things during his productive career as a professor of theology. One that has particularly stuck with me was his dictum, "Disagree without being disagreeable." In these days, when the church seems to be under attack we should remember this. This has been a difficult thing for me to learn, because I am handicapped by a passionate nature. I defend my views with far too much vigor on occasion and will sound disagreeable. In my ministry, I have tried, although not always successfully, to say the right things in the right way at the right time. We want to live at harmony with all people as far as we are able. We cannot control the reactions and passions of other people. We are not able to force others to like us or to respond in temperate and pleasant ways toward us. But we are able to reply in kindly, pleasant, and constructive ways toward other people. Sometimes a temperate reply will get you a hearing when a passionate or angry response will cut off any possibility of a discussion that will be helpful to both parties.

Our Lord Jesus calls on us to love those who hate us and even to rejoice in the blessings of God, despite their hatred. In our feelings-centered society this is a significant rebuke to us. If every time we are rebuked, or even hear any bad news, we are sent into a tailspin of depression, or lash out by pointing out the weaknesses and failings of whomever is rebuking us, we will hardly be able to order our lives for the sake of Christ's gospel. This is an infantile way of managing our relationship with our neighbor. In it we are modeling the typical responses given by politicians when called to account for their profligacy or bad behavior, "The other guy did far worse than this." It would be like arguing in a court of law that armed robbery should be overlooked because it does not rise to the level of out and out murder. When rebuked by the other we must take the rebuke, refuse to be angered by it, express our love and appreciation for our neighbor and keep harmony with him. We must not stand to defend our poor hurt feelings, but place ourselves under the cross of Christ, who when reviled did not revile in return (1Pt 2:23). Even when unjustly treated we must not bite back. Jesus even loved those who opposed his gospel message and hated Him personally, campaigning even for His death.