James Tobin, Ph.D.             

Parent Guidance 
Organizational Consulting

The Narcissist-Codependent Bond: Destined to Fail  hands tied

In our next group meeting of the Dating and Relationship group on Saturday, January 4, 2014, 12:00 to 1:15 PM, I want to continue to discuss romantic relationship patterns that are quite common, yet, unfortunately, tend not to be viable and usually fail.  In the last group meeting I presented the work of Ross Rosenberg, a Chicago-based counselor whose book "The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us" has received critical acclaim.  I would like to present in more detail Rosenberg's description of "the perfect dance" that draws the narcissist and codependent together, and the emotional factors that ensue which are painful and destructive. 


I will also discuss the distinction between healthy and pathological narcissism,  Rosenberg's view as well as my own, as this has been widely debated in the field of clinical psychology.  Yet the capacity to recognize pathological narcissism in oneself and others is an important capacity that could enable the recognition and avoidance of negative dynamics in romantic relationship, families, and the workplace. The developmental origins of codependence and narcissism will be introduced so that these relational dynamics can be approached with sympathy instead of guilt or blame.  

Daniel Goleman on "The Human Moment" 

In the next meeting of the Men's Group on Saturday, January 4, 2014, 10:45 AM to 12:00 PM, I want to discuss a Ted talk by Daniel Goleman, author of the 1995 best-seller "Emotional Intelligence."  This talk describes Goleman's observation of the loss of compassion in our culture, which he argues is paradoxical in the context of research findings in the emerging field of social neuroscience which show that we are hard-wired to notice and be sympathetic toward the feelings of others.  Nevertheless, Goleman suggests that a lack of presence ("what stays on the periphery") has become part of "the urban trance" of contemporary life. He explores the need for "simple acts of noticing" which have profound implications for the lives of men in terms of their inner experience and relationships with others. 




A Buddhist Perspective on Change and Freedom

Jenny Wilks presents an insightful talk entitled Intention, Conditionality, and Change which focuses on habitual patterns, our resistance to change, and the failure of willfulness.  Alternatively, she offers ideas on instilling our lives with intentionality that promote skillful action and new conditions of circumstance.    


The "Dating and Relationship Group" will meet on Saturday, January 4, 12:00 to 1:15 PM, and the "Men's Group" 10:45 AM to 12:00 PM noon at The Water Garden Business Center, 23421 South Pointe Drive, Suite 130, Laguna Hills, CA, 92653. Successive groups will occur on the first and third Saturday of every month. 
Please contact me at 949-338-4388 or at jt@jamestobinphd.com for questions and to RSVP. 
James Tobin, Ph.D., PSY 22074 | 949-338-4388 | jt@jamestobinphd.com