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Greetings from Enlightened Mama!
The Strength of a Woman
(All personal information & photos approved and requested to be shared, by family.)
Early Sunday morning I was awoken by one of my most favorite phone calls. On the other end of the line, there was a quiet voice, partly because it was 6:30 A.M., because the person on the other line was a giant ball of emotions. It was a mix of incredible excitement, a bit of relief, some uncertainty, and all because, "It's time." A woman very special to said caller is working to birth her baby, and she's ready for the doula. In this case, the mama is also very special to us, as it was our very own resident lawyer, seamstress, deliverer of homemade caramels, and Whole Family Parenting blogger, mama Nell.
I arrived at the hospital to find a beautiful Nell, laboring in her own special way, just as all mamas do. After a few hours, a lot of laughs, incredible words of encouragement from a partner that seemed as though he may be qualified to teach my next doula training, some intense moments, and right before our eyes, baby Charlie was born. While I find that all births are pretty amazing, this one was certainly memorable for me, but almost more for what happened after.
As baby Charlie nursed like a pro, an OB/GYN surgeon joined the birth team to assist with a repair. He was a graying, somewhat gruff man, matter-of-fact, but kind, who came in and got right to work. Now, those of you that know Nell, know that she's quite a conversationalist, so it was no surprise that she wasn't going to exclude this man. In a very short amount of time, she had engaged the good doctor in our chatting as well. Our conversation was all over the place, involving birth, culture, hospitals, vaginas, and a host of other interesting topics.
Then, unexpectedly, the doctor said, "You women are strong. Seriously. That's why I went into this work." Heck yeah! We liked this guy even more now, and pressed for more information about one of the nicest things I had ever heard come out of a provider's mouth. He went on to tell us that when he was in residency, one of the surgical rotations involved a patient base that was 2/3 women, 1/3 men. At the end of every week, the residents nominated a patient as the "Wimp of the Week." (Stick with me, it gets better.) After six weeks, he noticed a pattern that all the award-winners were men. He mentioned this to his attending physician, who informed him that his pattern was really a known truth in the medical world--women are strong. He said, at that moment, his decision was made and he switched to obstetrics. He wanted to work with patients who were strong. Needless to say, us ladies in the room were pretty moved by his statement.
Now, I have attended a lot of births, supported a lot of mamas throughout pregnancy, postpartum and with breastfeeding, and witnessed first-hand the amazing strength of women. However, I have also found that there is a belief that the strongest woman is the one who births her baby without using medications or interventions, breastfeeds for at least a year, works to support her family, but also has the most well-behaved, intelligent, and gifted children. Sure, those things are all great, but definitely not the marker of strength.
It takes strength to surrender to the process of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum, to realize that your ideal may not be your reality. It takes strength to make choices and endure outcomes that are not the cultural norm or meet the expectations of others. It takes strength to get an epidural and to have a cesarean birth. It takes a strong woman to breastfeed, enduring social stigma, sore nipples, and pumping for hours each day. It takes a strong woman to feed her baby formula, enduring a different social stigma and financial burden. It takes a strong woman to survive the loss of a child, a piece of herself gone. It takes a strong woman to decide not to have children, in a world that expects every female to want to procreate. It takes strength to try desperately to have a child, when Mother Nature seems to have other plans. It takes strength to watch those around you become mothers, waiting patiently for the time to be right for it to be your turn.
So pretty much any way you look at it, that doctor is right: Women are strong.
Welcome to the EM family, Charlie!! You've got a strong mama!
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