BY CHRISTOPH JENKINS

 

 

I am 6 months away from entering into the very first institution God, himself, has established...marriage. I've been engaged for 8 months and I must say...it has been very rewarding. However, reaching the next level in love and in life, in general, inevitably teaches you how to increase your learning curve. It seems as if I'm taking an accelerated course in how to love my fianc�e, my wife-to-be, unconditionally. We all want unconditional love, or Real Love ...but do we really know what unconditional love really is??? Paul speaks to the men by saying this...

 

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless." Ephesians 5:25-27

 

Paul begins with the statement, "Husbands, love your wives." It sounds like such a simple statement, but what does he mean? What does it mean to love, unconditionally? Personally, when I think of a marriage that is engulfed in unconditional love, I see a man and a woman respectfully and sacrificially striving to make each other happy. Conversely, after really digging into this thing, I found that my concept of love was somewhat wrong. I thought that loving your wife meant sacrificing yourself and your desires to make her happy. You know the saying, "A happy wife...means a happy life!" It's true that true love involves kindness and sacrifice, but it doesn't stop there.

 

Paul says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." I think the key is to understand what it means to sacrifice...and the question to ask is, what is the motivation? What is our motivation behind our sacrifice? Larry Crabb asked a monumental question in his book called The Marriage Builder. In Mr. Crabb's book, he asks the question, is the motivation manipulation or ministry? If it is manipulation, then the husband is doing it because he expects his wife will be happier and treat him better.

 

Most people have the idea that marriage is a 50/50 relationship. That is manipulation. If he is doing it out of the idea of ministering to her, then he isn't doing it for his own benefit. He is doing it for hers. This is what Paul meant by "love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her..." Christ didn't die on the cross to manipulate us. He laid down his life through ministry!

 

We must then ask ourselves, what is the purpose for ministering to our wives? Is it to perform acts of kindness and not expect any in return? This form of ministry on any level is misguided. A thriving ministry with purpose is a ministry with direction; a ministry with a goal.

 

Painfully so, sacrifice really involves risking ourselves. If we look at Christ's sacrifice, you will understand that His death was not just an act of kindness. It was the pain He suffered that draws us to Him. Before we can begin to understand this concept, we must recognize the motivation. We can never comprehend why God did what He did, but I think we can get a glimpse of the motivation which will help us as husbands see what our goal is supposed to be.

 

What is your expectation of Love? "Love your wife sacrificially, so she blooms as God planned." Finally, the purpose of love is the perfecting of the one loved. (Ephesians 5: 26 - 27).

 

Dear God, thank you for your sacrifice! I know that I will never fully know or understand why you sacrificed your life for someone like me but I am glad you did! And I appreciate the lessons in the example that you have laid before me. I will love my wife-to-be just as you loved the church. I won't selfishly sacrifice for her with intentions of manipulating her. I will minister to her with a purpose, a direction, and a goal! I know now that the goal of unconditional love is not just kindness motivated by a desire to make my wife happy, but to build her up and to bring about Your purpose in her. Lord, continue to teach me as I will continue to seek guidance from your word.