Greetings Parents,
My children want to be happy. They want to be happy all of the time. At times, they treat chores as them somehow being wronged because they expected to be happy doing what they want during the time they're asked to do chores. They hear that life is not about their personal happiness, but rather their eventual "heavenly-ness." Being happy is not bad, but making that the sole measure of their life will only bring enduring unhappiness. If every parent walked out of family life when they were no longer happy, would there be any intact families? This life has suffering, for everyone. Jesus also said that His followers would carry a cross.
Having children was always a dream of mine. I so looked forward to playing games, inside and out, cooking with them learning, to build campfires, sharing movies and books we loved, and passing on family traditions. Yes, there would be dirty diapers and skinned knees, but we could handle all of that. My parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles had been great role models.
When the dream was finally realized, the dream was not as I imagined it. Difficulties in having children advanced our plan for adoption - a journey no relative I knew had traveled. It was part of the dream, just not as I imagined it. The results however, were awesome!
We eventually did have homemade babies and the dream was rolling along again. The dream did not, however, include an injury with permanent consequences. Time when we could have been baking cookies and playing games was filled with appointments. What came easy was time-consuming and challenging, at times for the entire family.
I don't know how things would have been handled without faith, but it was a rock of support. Daily prayers from friends and strangers, a multitude of meals, and babysitters made sure all children were cared for at all times. There was a bit of "Why us? We've not been bad people," and other questioning of God, but His Presence was felt so strongly through the people, we knew He was in the mix.
As we progressed through it, we faced the choice. How do we approach this? How do we help our children approach this? As much as we try to make family life fair, earthly life isn't fair from our perspective. Do we keep looking back and wish for the dreams we all had, or do we look deeper to what was most important to us and build new dreams on that? It is hard to
never
look back, but building new dreams brings much greater happiness. It's emotionally not as simple as saying, "OK, moving on now," but it is very possible when we seek God's guidance. He hasn't made the toughness go away, but He's walked us through the toughness and provided many beautiful visions of what can be afterward.
Our world preaches that we should be always happy, at Christmas buying "one for them and one for you," and living in the moment. Not happy now? Change your situation! Others might be affected? "That's OK, they don't want you to live with unhappiness, just take care of yourself." It's a worldly message devoid of any reference to the greater meaning of life - our spiritual health and conforming our lives to be servants of God rather than servants of ourselves. It is hard and often painful, but the rewards can be great now for those we help and they are infinite and eternal for our own souls, our forever happiness. OK God, I think I get your message, now please send an abundance of assistance to help us try to live it as we should, because as much as I want to be all in, my desires are not yet there!
Hug those happiness-seeking children tight and may God bless you and your families abundantly!
-- Linda Bader, St. Thomas More