ParentingEssentials

Learning to Play Nice

Your 3-year-old comes home and tells you one of her peers at child care was "mean" to her. Or you learn that your 2-year-old bit another toddler at child care. Before you react, take a deep breath. While these situations can seem alarming, they're part of growing up. Keep reading to learn what's really going on behind seemingly inappropriate behavior and how to guide your child to developing good peer relationships.

Avoid jumping to conclusions. As parents, protecting our children is our first and foremost goal. So when they tell us someone has been mean to them or won't let them play, our first instinct often is to leap into defensive mode. But first, take a step back. Get some more details and background on the circumstances surrounding the behavior. Talk to your child's instructor. Oftentimes, young children engage in power struggles over the same toy. This is perfectly normal for the 2- to 4-year old set, as they learn to share and take turns.

Know your child. When trying to assess the accuracy of your child's report that she was somehow ostracized or treated unfairly, consider your child. Does she often portray herself as the victim? Or does she rarely complain about negative interactions with other children? Let these cues guide you as you attempt to decipher what really is happening.

Communicate with instructors. Utilize all the methods of communication your child's school provides. There's the daily report, which details daily interactions. When an instructor believes an issue warrants more immediate attention, parents are called at work. And when a problem is ongoing, Kiddie Academy instructors are eager to develop a behavioral plan with parents that can be used during the day and reinforced at home.

Recognize what's developmentally appropriate. Your 2-year-old bit his classmate, and you feel certain he'll get kicked out of preschool and follow a path to delinquency. Relax. Biting, while not pleasant, is developmentally appropriate for 2-year-olds. "It's often because they don’t know how to release their happiness, anger, or whatever they're feeling, so they may just take a bite," explains Claire Haas, vice president of Education at Kiddie Academy.

Turn a negative behavior into a teachable moment. If your child is tussling with another over a truck on the playground, it's easier to try to divert his attention to something else. But you might get more lasting results if you stop and take the time to talk about the need to share and take turns, and then put that lesson into practice at the playground using the truck.

SPECIAL PARENT SECTION:

Spring Shape-up: Merge Fitness and Family Time

January 1 may be the most popular time for resolutions that involve shaping up and shedding pounds but, in most climates, the start of April is a much more appealing time to break out fitness wear and resolve to get active. Plus, the warm springtime weather makes it easier for time-strapped working moms to merge fitness and family time. Here are some ideas on how.

Head to a multi-purpose park. Find a park that offers walking paths as well as a playground, and spend time at both. Avoid sitting on a park bench while your little one slides down the sliding board. Instead, suggest activities that can keep both of you moving, like pushing your child on a swing or getting on the see saw together (think deep squats).

Engage in “parallel” play with your kids. Maybe your preschooler is learning how to ride a bike. Jogging or walking briskly beside her can give her a boost of confidence at her newfound skill and, simultaneously, get your heart rate up.

Garden. Spring’s the time to get your garden looking good. It can also help you look good, as it’s great exercise. And since most kids love to dig in the dirt and get dirty, it’s a chore you can probably get done while you’re little ones are nearby. So as you get out your gardening tools and prepare to put some sweat equity into your yard, hand your pint-sized helper his own (round-edged) shovel and rake, and get moving.

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