Raising Your EQ: 7 Tips for Developing Emotional Intelligence

How high is your EQ? That's your Emotional Intelligence Quotient. Why is it important? When it comes to determining your success in the workplace, research at Harvard Business School found that EQ counts for twice as much as IQ. Unlike the conventional IQ, which measures cognitive abilities, EQ measures relational abilities: the ability to manage and deal effectively with your own emotions, and to perceive and respond appropriately to others' emotions. By managing emotions effectively, both yours and others', you demonstrate an intelligence that makes you a genius at relationships. Please consider the tips below for raising your EQ.

Thank you for your loyal readership, and best wishes for your continued communication excellence.

Kind regards,

Raising Your EQ:

7 Tips for Developing Emotional Intelligence

By Darlene Price, Well Said, Inc.

"The most important ingredient in the formula of success

is knowing how to get along with people."

--THEODORE ROOSEVELT

Would you rather work with a high-IQ genius who's incredibly difficult and demanding, or an average-IQ colleague who's capable, kind, and easy to get along with? Surveys show an overwhelming majority of employees would choose the latter. That's one reason EQ trumps IQ in the workplace: people want to work with people they like and trust, who make them feel valued and appreciated. As Maya Angelou said, "People will forget what you said and what you did, but they'll never forget how you made them feel." Whether or not you were born with Einstein's IQ, you can choose to be a prodigy of people. Boost your EQ by practicing these interpersonal communication tips:

1. Give others your full attention. In South Africa, members of the Zulu tribe greet one another by saying " Sawubona ," which literally means, " I see you ." The response is " Sikhona ," which means, " I am here ." This exchange has profound significance, for it means that until you see me, I do not exist; and when you see me, you bring me into existence. It speaks to the powerful intrinsic human need to feel respected and valued. As a high-EQ communicator, when you meet with another person, give them your undivided attention--really 'see' them. Stop what you were doing and convey the intention of " Sawubona ." Turn to face them, look them in the eye, and be fully present to their presence.

2. Listen actively. The most basic emotional human need is the need to feel heard and understood. The best way to fill that emotional need in others is by listening to them. Concentrate on the person; listen carefully for meaning; check with the speaker to verify and clarify what you heard. By listening actively to those around you, you increase mutual understanding, build trust, neutralize conflict, and set the tone for openness and honesty. Did you ever notice that if you rearrange the letters in "listen" you get the word "silent?"

3. Show interest. Dale Carnegie once sat beside a famous New York gossip columnist at a dinner party. To stay out of trouble and the tabloids, he decided he would do nothing the entire evening but ask her questions about herself and keep her talking. To Carnegie's surprise, he still made the headline of her column: "Mr. Dale Carnegie is by far the best conversationalist I have ever met!" In the arena of EQ, it's more important to be interestED than interestING.

4. Practice empathy. Carolyn, a bank president, has a pair of framed leather moccasins hanging on her office wall. This symbol reminds her to heed the ancient Native American proverb, "Never criticize a person until you've walked a mile in his moccasins." The symbol is a public commitment to step inside the shoes of the other person and look at the situation from their perspective. To boost your EQ, cultivate an awareness of others' feelings, needs, and concerns; show sincere interest and sensitivity when appropriate.

5. Be positive. This is not just a suggestion to smile more or see the glass half full. Professor and psychologist Barbara Fredrickson at University of North Carolina has found tangible proof in her research that "positive emotions contribute to optimal individual and organizational functioning." People who choose to feel and foster positive emotions in the workplace, such as joy, interest, contentment, and gratitude, actually think more expansively, creatively, and inclusively than those who steep in negative emotions, such as fear, anger, envy, and sadness. People who choose positivity cultivate a wider network of resources; see more solutions to problems; and experience more happiness and satisfaction. Fredrickson's advice: Cultivate positive emotions in your sphere of influence to achieve individual and organizational transformation.

6. Show appreciation. According to Gallup, Inc., "The number one reason most Americans leave their jobs is that they don't feel appreciated." Many of us don't realize the power we have to make someone feel valued, relevant, and needed. Take time to see the good in the people around you. Tell them about it; write them a note of thanks; endorse or recommend them. Be generous with sincere words of gratitude, praise, and encouragement--you'll not only make someone's day, you may retain your top talent in the process.

7. Count to ten. As humorist Will Rogers warned, "People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing." Emotions are not always under our control--we feel what we feel; however, our response to people and situations is under our control. When you're angry or upset, breathe deeply and count--for as long as it takes--to avoid 'a bad landing.' Cool down emotionally and consider the consequences of your words and actions. Then, choose a response that will support the ultimate outcome you desire with the person or situation.

What's your EQ? You can begin discovering the answer by taking a free 18-question online quiz at the below link.

http://psychology.about.com/library/quiz/bl_eq_quiz.htm

In addition, if you would like to learn more about communicating with emotional intelligence, please read my book, Well Said! Presentations and Conversations That Get Results (available in hard cover, audio, and Kindle).

http://www.amazon.com/Well-Said-Presentations-Conversations-Results/dp/0814417876

Feel free to contact me directly to schedule in-house corporate training or private individual coaching for you and your team. I would be honored to support your communication success.