Scrap Your To-Do List!

It seems that To-Do lists are a staple of our working environment and most people will employ them, if not always, then at least on occasions. Unfortunately, they don't have a great reputation and many people see their To-Do list as something onerous, even sinister.

So how about scrapping your To-Do list as of right now and going instead with a "Love To-Do List"? 

I know you may have things on your list that don't exactly fill you full of the joys of spring, but in that case finishing that task will be something you love to do, right? 

We're not trying to deny reality here, because at the end of the day you will really love the fact that you have cleared the list. We're just implementing a simple reframe that takes the edge off things and may even make you smile.

I must confess up front that I know and have worked with Alisa and that's probably the only reason I read this book. Not out of any sense of duty, but because she's honest, intelligent, very funny and I really like her as a person.

One of the things I often try and batter into my clients (in as nice a way as possible) is that they're normal. That most people have crap to deal with and by and large they just choose not to share it with everybody else. Therefore, we see people for the large part as they want us to see them. In other words, we get the sanitized version and presume incorrectly that they have all their ducks in a row.

Alisa Bowman didn't have her marital ducks in the same town never mind in a row, and that was clearly demonstrated by the fact that she fantasized about the death of her husband. It takes an incredibly amount of bravery to admit to something like that because there will be an army of people waiting to tut-tut and announce she's obviously nuts.

The reality is she isn't nuts, just honest. I know this because I've heard things that most people would think equally shocking, from scores of clients since I started coaching 6 years ago. We all have a dark side.

If I hadn't known how it turned out, I honestly wouldn't have thought the turnaround in Bowman's marriage was even possible. There I've said it, a Life Coach thinking somebody couldn't illicit such massive change. Worry not I've severely reprimanded myself and it won't happen again. 

As Bowman was about to quit on her marriage she was urged by a very wise friend to make one all-or-nothing attempt to resurrect it. She agreed and dove headlong into reading book after book on what could be done to save an ailing marriage. Much more importantly than that though, she actually implemented the advice which is usually the thing people forget (or can't be bothered) to do.

Project: Happily Ever After (al) is an amazing account of two peoples determination to salvage their marriage. At the very least it demonstrates the ability we all have to change and adapt if we want to badly enough. It's funny, brutally honest, a tad risque in places and an absolute must read for anybody that is either in a marriage that isn't as strong as it could be, or is about to get married.

It's never going to hit the top of any male based book reading chart as it is aimed firmly at married female readers, even, if paradoxically, many men could learn a lot from it.

Are You Struggling With Your Goals?

I have a love/hate relationship with goal setting because whereas it can be amazingly useful for a great many people, it can also be counter-productive for others. My relationship with New Years Resolutions is less ambiguous though, I simply don't like them.

I'm not going into the reasons why here, if you're interested, I wrote a post called Don't Set New Years Resolutions a month or so ago that explains all.

However, even though I don't like them, I acknowledge that they're not going away any time soon and so I may as well go with the flow and do what I can to help people succeed with them.

I also realize that the middle of January is the time when people tend to start to struggle with the resolutions or goals they have set. So if that's you, or if you are thinking of setting goals in the future here are 3 crucial aspects that you need to be aware of if you are going to succeed.

Make Sure You Want It

Do you see that word 'want'? I cannot begin to tell you how important that is in the goal setting equation. If your goal or new years resolution doesn't inspire you now because you feel like you should do it or you're being pushed into doing it, how motivated do you think you'll be in a couple of months time when the initial burst of enthusiasm has worn off?

Never, ever, set goals you think you should set. Set goals you want to set irrespective of what other people think, otherwise I can almost guarantee you'll come up short.

Make Sure You Know Why You Want It

I developed by own version of SMART goals that I call SMARTER goals because I believe there are two crucial areas missing from the SMART method, not least of which is it completely disregards the reasons why you want whatever it is you want.

If you don't know the 'why' then you will exponentially reduce your chances of succeeding.

If you want to quit smoking? What's the reason? Sure I know it will give you better health and save you money, but that is way too vague. Maybe it's the thought of playing with the grandkids in 30 years time without the need for an oxygen mask.

If you can bring that reason or reasons to the forefront of your mind when you are starting to waiver, things will be much easier.

Make Sure Those Closest To You Know Why You Want It

I said that SMART goals come up short because there is no reference to the real reward of achieving the goal. There is another reason they are lacking, and that is because they don't take into account the reactions and behaviors of people around you, and that can often kill all the good intentions in the world

If those closest to you have no idea that your goal is genuinely important to you, then they are unlikely to take it seriously. Worse still, they may even undermine it and you will spend too much time and energy fighting their negativity.

Spell out clearly and concisely that it's important to you and you'd like their help and support.

Best of the Blog

Looking back on Decembers blog posts, I don't think there's any doubt that I let the standard slip and went a bit self promotional with How To Be Rich and Happy in the run up to Christmas.

Therefore, the only post I honestly think warrants being called the best of anything was  The 20 Greatest 20 Books Ever Written On Self Development. If you want to know what I rank as the best of the best, or if you're looking for some great reading, read on....

I'll try harder this month!