The Dating and Relationship Group:
"How To Pick Your Life Partner" 
Scientific research, in addition to divorce rates that continue to rise in North America, suggest that our capacity to identity a viable life partner and cultivate with him/her a healthy long-term relationship is limited.  For decades, experts in the social sciences have investigated how people choose their mates and what is or goes "wrong" about these choices.  It is surprising that there is little consensus on how to actually choose a partner who will be right for us in the short-term and the long-term!  The next few meetings of the Dating and Relationship Group will approach the issue of "partner selection" from numerous and diverse perspectives.   

In the next meeting of the Dating and Relationship Group on Saturday, May 21, 2016, 12:00 to 1:15 PM noon,  we will begin to consider partner selection with the views of "Wait But Why" blog writer Tim Urban.  According to Urban, many highly intelligent and emotionally sophisticated persons make wrong partner choices based on a variety of social and biological factors in addition to characteristic personal tendencies.  He identifies 5 romantic configurations ("Overly Romantic Ronald," "Fear-Driven Frida," "Externally-Influenced Ed," "Shallow Sharon," and "Selfish Stanley") that typically result in failed relationships and are highly prevalent among patients who enter psychotherapy to address their unsatisfying romantic lives.  On Saturday, we will explore Urban's ideas and consider his recommendations for finding lasting love which center on his notion of "A Feeling of Home."


The Men's Group: 
Male Self-Sabotage and the Theory of the "LATE" Man 
Richard J. Loebl, a counselor who specializes in working with men, has developed a theory of male development.  He argues that many boys grow up in less-than-optimal family systems.  Given the specific quality of the home environment and relationships with parents and siblings, the boy develops unevenly, i.e., some emotional, cognitive, and behavioral tendencies are sophisticated/advanced while others are depleted and lagging. The consequence of this uneven development, according to Loebl, is that boys become men who essentially carry with them certain strengths in the context of important gaps and limitations.  Loebl describes how these gaps and limitations ultimately emerge in one or multiple areas of the adult male's life: emotional dysregulation, forms of avoidance, difficulty in intimate relationships,  and an exaggerated investment in work and financial success.  These "LATE" men, as conceptualized by Loebl, harbor within themselves a "Lost" "Angry" "Teen" who remains caught in adolescent perceptions and sentiments.  

In the next meeting of the Men's Group on Saturday, May 21, 2016, 10:45 AM to 12:00 PM noon, I will describe Loebl's ideas in more detail and how he connects them to common forms of self-sabotage among men.  We will also consider how these issues can be overcome.   

To register for the May 21st meetings of the Men's Group and the Dating and Relationship Group:   If you would like to attend the Men's Group (10:45 AM to 12:00 PM noon) and/or the Dating and Relationship Group (12:00 to 1:15 PM) on Saturday, May 21, 2016 please RSVP ASAP to Dr. Tobin at 949-338-4388 or jt@jamestobinphd.com. There is a limit of 14 attendees for each group and registrants will be accommodated on a first-come/first-serve basis.  The fee is $25.00 and the location is The Water Garden Business Center, 23421 South Pointe Drive, Suite 130, Laguna Hills, CA, 92653.  Please note that these groups are educational in purpose, not therapeutic.  
 
James Tobin, Ph.D., PSY 22074 | 949-338-4388 | jt@jamestobinphd.com 
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