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Happy Thursday!
I'm continuing my binge of British and Aussie television shows. The newest one is The Fall on Netflix. Very creepy and dark so don't assume anything about my psychology from it!
There won't be a Q AND A this Monday
I'll be giving a talk in Toronto but we'll resume the week after!
THE CASE AGAINST CONTINUING TO TRY
One of the things that parents have to decide is whether they have it in them to keep trying or whether it's better for their mental health to throw in the towel. Sometimes, and this is important, what might be better for our adult child isn't better for us; and at this point of your lives, you get to decide. And that may well mean deciding not to continue to work on it.
I think this may be particularly confusing terrain for mothers who are socialized to put themselves
last
and to always keep trying. So, if you're on the fence, let me start by saying
maybe you
shouldn't
try
. Here is the case against
trying:
-
Maybe it costs you too much psychologically.
-
Maybe trying means having to remain open to someone
who just dumps raw sewage on you every time you
encounter him or her.
-
Maybe trying means that your self-esteem gets
constantly put up on the auction block for the lowest bidder, which happens to be the one person whose opinion you care the most about-your child.
-
Maybe it's too hard to keep trying because the rejection from your child reminds you too much of how rejected you felt by your own parents. And you just don't have that much to give because so much of your energy goes every day to trying to feel like you have a right to be alive or have any kind of a life, even before the trauma of estrangement was visited upon you.
If you need more help deciding whether to keep trying with your estranged child, join us this Tuesday
,May 31
530 PM Pacific, 630 PM Mountain,
730 PM Central, 830 PM Eastern
SHOULD I KEEP TRYING OR JUST GIVE UP?
Learning to Make the Right Decision
Here's what's coming up!
Tuesday, June 7
530 PM Pacific, 630 PM Mountain,
730 PM Central, 830 PM Eastern
SHOULD I CUT THEM OUT OF MY WILL?
Handling the Issue of Money, Gifts, and Inheritance
Tuesday, June 14
530 PM Pacific, 630 PM Mountain,
730 PM Central, 830 PM Eastern
DOES MY CHILD HAVE A PERSONALITY DISORDER OR OTHER MENTAL ILLNESS?
Understanding Its Role in Estrangement
Tuesday, June 21
530 PM Pacific, 630 PM Mountain,
730 PM Central, 830 PM Eastern
MY ESTRANGED CHILD IS BACK: NOW WHAT?
Learning How to Navigate Early
Reconciliation
Each webinar comes with:
- Free study guide
- Link to the live webinar to listen to over the phone or computer
- Q and A during live webinar
- Complete transcript of lecture after it airs
- Link to the webinar recording after it airs
To hear what others are saying about the webinars, go
here
CAN'T MAKE THE WEBINARS AT THE TIME SCHEDULED?
No problem- you'll still get the full transcript of the lecture, the study guide, and the link to the recording.
WANT TO CONTACT OTHER
ESTRANGED PARENTS?
About Dr. Coleman
Dr. Coleman is a psychologist in private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area and a Senior Fellow with the Council on Contemporary Families, a non-partisan organization of leading sociologists, historians, psychologists and demographers dedicated to providing the press and public with the latest research and best-practice findings about American families. He has lectured at Harvard University, The University of California at Berkeley, The University of London, Cornell Weill Medical School, and blogs on parent-adult child relationships for the U.C. Berkeley publication, Greater Good Magazine.
Dr. Coleman is frequently contacted by the media for opinions and commentary about changes in the American family. He has been a frequent guest on the Today Show, NPR, and The BBC, and has also been featured on Sesame Street, 20/20, Good Morning America, America Online Coaches, PBS, and numerous news programs for FOX, ABC, CNN, and NBC television. His advice has appeared in The New York Times, The Times of London, The Shriver Report, Fortune, Newsweek, The Chicago Tribune, The Wall Street Journal, Slate, Psychology Today, U.S. World and News Report, Parenting Magazine, The Baltimore Sun and many others.
He is the author of numerous articles and chapters and has written four books: The Marriage Makeover: Finding Happiness in Imperfect Harmony (St. Martin's Press); The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework (St. Martin's Press); When Parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Don't Get Along (HarperCollins); and Married with Twins: Life, Love and the Pursuit of Marital Harmony. His books have been translated into Chinese, Croatian, and Korean, and are also available in the U.K., Canada, and Australia.
He is the co-editor, along with historian Stephanie Coontz of seven online volumes of Unconventional Wisdom: News You Can Use, a compendium of noteworthy research on the contemporary family, gender, sexuality, poverty, and work-family issues.
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