I often talk with my adult friends about their relationships with their non-estranged adult children and many of them experience some large degree of conflict and disappointment with them, even if they've never been estranged. 

If you're in a recent reconciliation with your adult, part of what I'd like to prepare you for is the new normal. Just because your child is back in your life doesn't mean that you're going to hear from them as much as you like, see them as much as you like, or have them be as responsive to you as much as you like. It is still on their terms, and realistically, sorry to say, will always be. 

Maybe you're lucky enough to have other kids who are more available and responsive and for that you should be grateful. But don't expect your formerly estranged child to fall in line quite the same way. Maybe one day, but certainly not any time soon.

I increasingly believe that the correct model for parenting adult children is the one that we have for our young children, which is to give unconditionally and not expect a lot back in return. Obviously there are differences- our young children are dependent on us and wouldn't survive without us. But we're far more powerful in the hearts and minds of our adult children than we believe ourselves to be and than they allow us to believe. I think it's typically when parents move out of the unconditionally loving position that they trip themselves up in their relationships with their adult children, but especially estranged adult children. 

As always, this doesn't mean that you give a pass to abusive behavior, nor does it mean that you're obligated to keep on giving no matter how crappy it feels. It means that if your child is open to having a relationship with you, it may not be nearly as mutual as you'd like it to be.