|
Still Waters Newsletter
December 2011
|
|
Please check out my new book,
Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Simple Paths to Everyday Serenity
It is selling wonderfully! Thank you all for your enthusiastic support and generous praise. I'm so grateful that it is helping so many people.
|
| | by Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW |
|
|
Join us on Facebook
where I share practical ideas for developing threads of inner peace through our days
|
|
Join us on Facebook
where we discover that
death doesn't end the relationship, it simply forges a new type of relationship - one based not on physical presence but on memory, spirit, and love...
|
|
Greetings!
 | | Ashley Davis Bu |
This month's newsletter spotlights "GIVING": the giving of our presence as well as giving in honor of a loved one who has died. The Shortcut this month offers a way to transform the frustration of sitting at a red light into an opportunity for giving. As always, when we give, we receive. In peace, Ashley |
|
Stress Free Living
"The Gift of Presence"
My fourteen year old daughter has got modern multi-tasking down to a fine art. I might not have believed it possible until I saw it in action: she can watch a television program on her laptop, a music video on her tablet, and a text beckoning on her iphone, all at the same time.
As if this wasn't enough, she can juggle these three screens while simultaneously doing 'homework.' It takes a virtual act of Congress to get her to stop all the screens, lock eyes with me, and give me her undivided attention. And, I admit it, I'm not the most available person either when I get lost in my own agenda and my own thoughts.
But what a pleasure when two people are actually present with each other. With no internal or external distractions, it's possible to be 100% available in the moment. Being together in this way -- laughing, touching, loving -- that is truly a wonderful and increasingly rare gift.
One of the primary reasons that psychotherapy is effective is that the undivided attention of the therapist is healing. How many of us have our loved ones' undivided attention for 50 minutes at a time? This year for Christmas, all I want is presence . . . from all my loved ones. In a time of multi-screens, uber-stimulations, and 24/7 distractions, I believe that presence is the most valuable present of all.
|
|
Living with Loss
"Memorial Giving"
"I keep thinking of all the things I would have bought for her this year . . . it tears me apart." This bereaved mother, who lost her only child six months ago, echoed a frequent lament amongst grievers. During the holidays, it is painful not to shop for their loved ones.
What I frequently suggest is to buy that special item, the gift that would have meant so much, and donate it to a charity in honor of their dear one. There are a wide variety of places happy to receive gifts of love, from homeless shelters and women's shelters to educational facilities and hospital waiting rooms.
No, it's not the same as watching your loved one's face light up on Christmas morning. Still, the gesture can be meaningful and even take on significance as an annual ritual. You get to shop for your special someone, and you get to pass it forward to another who will benefit from your thoughtfulness.
Memorial giving is a way to stay connected to your beloved one, which is an important aspect of grieving. Your loved one has died, but your relationship lives on. Finding creative ways to remember and to feel connected while helping others in the process is truly a win-win.
|
|
This Month's Shortcut
"Stop, Drop and Roll"
To use when stopped at a red light
Whether you are in your car or standing at the curb, "Stop," "drop" down into your heart, and "roll" out a little goodwill to your fellow travelers. Look at the people around you, behind you and recognize that each one of them is just like you: They want happiness and they want to be free from sufering. To each person you focus on think something like: May you know happiness; May you be free from suffering; Peace be with you; I hope you have a nice day.
* * *
This tool takes us our of our own little worlds. It open us to our surroundings, expanding our sense of self by connecting with others who also wish for happiness and wish to be free from suffering. Warm feelings toward others activate the calming aspects of our own nervous systems. Opening our hearts with compassion, we experience a deeper sense of inner peace.
|
|
  
"When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight" |
|
