Group Meetings on July 15, 2017

The Dating and Relationship Group:
Avoiding the Seduction of Butterflies: The Relational Position of Catalyst

Relationships are motivated primarily by unconscious forces.  Romantic relationships are no exception!  Attraction is primarily visceral, though many dating websites and our own need to be in control of things would prefer it to be otherwise.
The major unconscious dynamic at play in romantic love is "enactment," which is the universal unconscious process of you being drawn into a set of unresolved issues from your partner's past, and your partner being drawn into yours.  The strong feelings of romantic attraction (the butterflies we may have) that often initiate relationships are essentially a neurobiological signal of high enactment potential.  Unfortunately, once enactment ensues, the relationship is usually doomed.
The antidote to enactment requires a mindful, disciplined approach to dating and relationships, one that is not seduced by butterflies. This approach requires that you adopt the position of catalyst.  From the field of chemistry, a catalyst bonds with another compound and activates a set of processes that ultimately transforms the compound into a product with a more advantageous state and structure.  This is an apt metaphor for romantic love.
In the next meeting of the Dating and Relationship Group on Saturday, July 15, 2017 (12:00 to 1:15 PM),  I will unpack this metaphor and describe the position of catalyst.   Our discussion will emphasize three major ideas as they apply to romantic love: (1) bypassing the attachment trap; (2) developing a membrane; and (3) introducing the reflective function.  

The Men's Group:
Daniel Pink's "Drive"

Daniel Pink, a law school graduate who went on to become a behavioral science expert, has received much acclaim for his numerous books including "A Whole New Mind" (2005) and "To Sell is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others" (2012).  He is especially interested in what motivates employees in the workplace, specifically the distinction between left- and right-brain reward systems.   

His book "Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us" (2009) is an insightful read which challenges many fundamental assumptions about performance, internal vs. external incentives, and drive.  Pink argues for a "whole new operating system" regarding how businesses are run and employees are managed. 

In the next meeting of the Men's Group on Saturday, July 15, 2017 (10:45 AM to 12:00 PM),  we will explore the major arguments of Pink's "Drive" book and their implications for workplace performance and personal fulfillment. 

**To register for the July 15th meetings of the Men's Group (10:45 AM to 12:00 PM) and/or the Dating and Relationship Group (12:00 to 1:15 PM):  If you would like to attend one or both of these groups on July 15, 2017, please RSVP ASAP to Dr. Tobin at 949-338-4388 or There is a limit of 14 attendees for each group and registrants will be accommodated on a first-come/first-serve basis.  The fee is $25.00 and the location is The Water Garden Business Center, 23421 South Pointe Drive, Suite 130, Laguna Hills, CA, 92653.  Please note that these groups are educational in purpose, not therapeutic, and do not constitute psychotherapy or counseling.**
James Tobin, Ph.D., PSY 22074 | 949-338-4388 |