Together We Can Prevent the Sexual Abuse of Children

February 15, 2018

Dear Prevention Partners,

During our Circles of Safety training, we often ask participants, “Who is the first person you need to speak with when taking initial steps towards prevention?” The response we’re looking for is yourself! Participants almost never come up with this answer, yet, having the conversation with yourself is indeed a vital step in being able to responsibly, bravely and strongly prevent and respond to child sexual abuse. 

For many reasons, this conversation that we have with ourselves is not an easy one. The same barriers that exist in interpersonal communications about sexual abuse come up even in the complete privacy of our own thoughts. The “yuck feelings” arise, common to any mention of child sexual abuse, feelings like dread, shame, confusion, fear, anger, and guilt. 

As bystanders, we may question our own observations and instincts – “Did I really see that?”. As caregivers, we often feel shame for not “seeing something earlier” or “doing something sooner”. As concerned family members and neighbors, we want to know how speaking up will impact our relationships. Survivors wonder if they’ll be safe. Adults looking for help for themselves wonder how their lives will change. And we wonder if we can really make a difference by speaking up. 

Regardless of our role to children’s sexual safety and to sexual abuse, asking ourselves tough questions about the next steps we think necessary and the steps we’re willing (and capable) of taking challenges us to reflect on our own experiences and relationships associated with sexual safety. Our own understanding of what is ok, what is healthy, and what is safe; our own course of sexual development; and our system of values and beliefs frame our personal reflections and the questions we’re asking ourselves. These internal conversations can be the doorway to taking protective actions – and they can support and guide the conviction, passion and courage necessary to take our chats with ourselves out into the open. 

When we are willing to ask ourselves the difficult questions, and look at our own feelings and thoughts about children’s sexual safety, we can begin preparations to move into conversations with others – to seek support, to learn more, to trust our instincts when we’re concerned and to develop plans to respond to a child’s need and right to be safe. 

Along with many other violence prevention organizations, we at Stop It Now! are frequently contacted by reporters wanting to know what we – as a society – can do to prevent another Sandusky/Penn State case or another Nassar/USA Gym. We’re asked about warning signs of abuse, children’s healthy sexuality and how adults can talk to children about safety. While all of these are important and critical steps in prevention, today we’d like to invite you to focus on the necessary preliminary step that every adult concerned about children’s safety can do – having a conversation with yourself. 

In peace and hope,

Jenny Coleman, Director

Spotlight: 2017 Conversations from the Helpline

While we are still completing our analysis of the 2017 Helpline use data, we wanted to share with you a few high level figures. Since the Helpline’s inception in 1995, we have now had over 21,000 conversations specifically on children’s sexual safety and in 2017, we had almost 1800 inquiries through our phone, email, chat and social media channels. We continue to hear from folks across the prevention spectrum from early safety planning to full immersion in the child protection system, however our largest audience continues to be those folks concerned about warning signs in children and adult’s behaviors or who are worried specifically about children’s sexual behaviors that could be harmful.

Over 50% of Helpline inquiries come from a bystander who knows everyone involved – the child at-risk or who has been abused AND the person who is at-risk for abusing or who has already abused, highlighting the challenges of prevention when we know the faces of those who are involved. Whether people know an adult or child whose behaviors worry them or are seeking help for themselves, these situations are most often very personal and involve complicated relationships.

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