October 8, 2014 

As school gets fully underway, and we sign up our children for classes, sports and other activities, we often renew the quest to create the perfect children: happy, well-adjusted, performing well academically, physically fit, with good friends and strong family ties. We try to be the perfect parents, with a homemade healthy dinner on the table by 7, quality family time and availability to help the children with their homework, all before we read to them for a half hour each night. 


Let go of this image of perfection; it is a myth! What an enormous relief to embrace your families as they are- with their accompanying strengths and challenges. When your children see you acknowledge your mistakes, it gives them permission to err too. When they see you angry, they learn they can get angry- without being overwhelmed or thought of as a bad person. We do not need to "airbrush" our family's life as if we are modeling for a magazine.


Make A Commitment to Health!
The Mind-Body Connection 
Perfectionism is linked to body dysmorphia, eating disorders, depression and anxiety. In addition to stress, the fear of imperfection can cause decreased productivity at work and at school. Perfectionism is linked to procrastination; it is hard to start a project without having the perfect plan. While each family member should be encouraged to work hard and achieve their potential, be realistic in your goal setting and help your child (if needed) set realistic goals. Life is about success not perfection.  And success is measured differently for different people and at different points in their lives. 

Create Core Fitness Habits:
  • Communicate your unconditional love for your family. Differentiate between the person and their actions.
  • Practice Mindfulness- embrace the moment that you are in rather than where you want to be.
  • Create personal goals for yourself and help your family do the same.  Define success on your terms rather than through someone else's expectations.
  • Encourage risk taking, and the inevitable failure that comes with it at times.
  • Apologize for your mistakes.
  • Let your family see your full range of emotions. Happy, sad, angry and scared are all legitimate feelings. Identify the feelings.

  • Take Action and Get Positive Results 

    Move forward by focusing on your dreams for yourself, and see how you can realistically achieve some of them.  Help your family members do the same. Ask yourself or your child what would happen if you did not do something perfectly. If you need help challenging your perfectionist behaviors, seek consultation.


    At Core Counseling, you can pursue Mind-Body Wellness through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness and other therapeutic techniques. To find out more or to schedule an appointment, call me at Core Counseling, LLC: 201.875.5699. Experience a comfortable, private and confidential environment with an atmosphere of encouragement, optimism and compassion. 

    Together we can find solutions to your core issues. "It is health that is real wealth, and not pieces of gold and silver."  -Ghandi 

    In Health,

    Lisa Fedder, MSW, LCSW, LCADC
    560 Sylvan Avenue                     108 Baker Street
    Englewood Cliffs, NJ  07632       Maplewood, NJ  07040
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