When I was a caregiver for my mother, I saw two normal worlds between us, hers and mine. Once I acknowledged that her world was as normal to her as mine was to me, I stopped using reason and logic to bring her into my world. I embraced the new person who was evolving right before my eyes and stopped denying the person that she was. I stopped thinking my world was the only normal one.

Once we accept the existence of these two worlds, we dignify our loved ones with understanding and compassion and eliminate unnecessary stress and negativism.

People afflicted with dementia often turn to babbling in later stages of the disease. Have we thought that maybe we are the ones with language deficiency? Perhaps if we learn to see through their eyes and hear through their ears, we will learn more of their world instead of being stuck in our own. This may lead us to find a way to give care with less conflict. Once we believe both worlds are "normal," once we open the doors to both our worlds, we eliminate the Tug of War that often erupts between two parties. By doing so, we dignify the new person who is evolving and by so doing, we dignify ourselves.

It is understandable why we so want them in our world, to prove that they are still functional and well. This disease will not allow us this, not yet.

But what of our world? Are our loved ones incapable of entering our world? At certain stages of the disease, they will not be able to, not with logic and reason, but there is a place in our world that offers them a front row seat: dining in restaurants or around family gatherings, feeling the wind on their faces, hearing happy voices of family, feeling love and affection through human touch, being connected through  conversations, even if they eventually are reduced to monologues. Our world offers the humanity of what it means to be human.

Enjoy both worlds for we are all as normal as normal can be.