Weekly Newsletter:

April 2, 2025

Who/what is a caregiver? A caregiver is an individual who cares for a dependent loved one with a short-term or long-term physical/mental disability or illness who cannot successfully care for themselves. When the ability to care for oneself declines, the mastery of one's ADLs (activities of daily living) declines as well. The six ADLs are personal hygiene, or grooming; dressing; toileting; continence; transferring or ambulating; and eating. The need for assistance increases as the decline progresses.

Family caregivers provide an average of 23.7 hours of care per week. This number rises substantially for those whose care recipients live with them—37.4 hours per week—making caregiving equivalent to a full-time job. As caregiving responsibilities grow, family caregivers experience significant changes in their lives. Performances may suffer at work, friends may feel neglected, and finances can be greatly affected. Household routine and privacy factors become totally altered. Additionally, providing hands-on care can be both physically and emotionally demanding work. Without regular respite or help from paid and unpaid care providers, caregiver burnout can, and often does, set in as stressors and fatigue accumulate.

We chose to revisit a previously recorded webinar as part of a two-part project designed to witness the active roles of four caregivers while fast-forwarding to a later time where the focus turns to caregivers post-caregiving...after their loved ones have passed. 

Late last July, four caregivers from our DayBreak Caregiver Support group graciously agreed to share their individual caregiver experiences in the form of a webinar. We meet Lasell, Netty, Serene, and Gayle. At that time, they wished it to be known that they were most willing to share candidly and openly of their personal caregiver experiences. It was from a desire to support by giving a voice (and face) to those who are in this most challenging of roles...that of a caregiver. They were quick to emphasize that they were not prepared to present a totally "cheery and rosy" facade, devoid of transparency and their candid personal recounting. In order to tell their stories, they intended to be honest and forthright. Each caregiver presenter illustrated a different perspective with differing outcomes. Clearly, each family caregiver's experience was totally unique within their own circumstances.

In telling their stories, we find that each has a story of hope and discouragement. Frustration and exhaustion. Boredom with the low, constant, and steady hum of anxiety. anxiety. Dreams of the future gradually dashed, life partners becoming strangers. The "we" gradually becomes "me." The isolation and depression, a constant visitor at the door. And yet, within the often intolerable, seemingly never-ending trajectory of their beloved one's mental and physical decline, they share an advent of newfound mental and spiritual growth. A sense of resourcefulness, adaptability, and self-reliance. An appreciation of one day at a time.

Watch webinar recording below:

LASELL: Caring for her husband, John who has become largely bedridden and while being functionally blind. In her dedicated caring for her husband, John, she determines "not to delay moments of joy." She is focusing on creative projects, gardening, and socializing rather than putting her life "on hold." She's determined that this "me" time has refreshed her for "we" time.

GAYLE: Gayle, for many years, had been caring for her husband, Bob, who recently passed away. Gayle has determined that she plans to remain in our support group in order to lend encouragement, inspiration, and support while continuing her own healing process. She sees this as a process of "paying it forward."

NETTY: Caring for her husband, Dave, who has diabetes, mobility challenges, and a neurological disorder. Netty intends a more equitable distribution of time spent on her husband versus her own needs. In the past, she characterized 80% focused on her husband; with 20% left for herself. In claiming more time for herself, she has found that her husband supports her in this regard; he supports her in pursuing mini respites as a means to refresh her spirit.

SERENE: Understanding that she could no longer handle her husband's aggressive outbursts at home, she located a board and care that better suited his social and emotional needs. Serene is happy to report that Richard is thriving in his new environment, and she realizes that this outcome has been quite beneficial for them both. Serene was sharing that she feels much more peaceful and relaxed overall.

During that time, Gayle and Lasell became widows, while three more in our support group have lost their dependent loved ones, as well.

We dedicate our upcoming webinar to the post-caregiver experience as one finds oneself, perhaps, after many years of caring for another, now redefining their own selfhood. In feelings mixed with grief and relief, how does one recalibrate one's next chapter(s)? Is there a "right way" to grieve and "move on?"  

The challenge of being human in a circumstance, from the beginning, never of their choosing...yet fully engaged in. We are honored to lend love, caring, and support...while, hopefully, providing a soft place to fall. 

— Karen Kelleher, MA

Family Caregiver Support Coordinator at DayBreak

Every day, seniors in our community face the challenges of aging alone—but together, we can make a difference! Your kindness provides support, connection, and hope to those who need it most.

If you know an elder in need of our care and coordination services, or a caregiver seeking support, please encourage them to reach out to us at: 

510-834-8314