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Completing Advanced Directives:
What The Heck Took Me So Long?
Cheryl French, Volunteer
The first time my husband and I discussed filling out Advanced Directives was about ten years ago during a lively dinner with friends. We all thought it would be a brilliant idea to gather on New Year's Eve to talk about our end-of-life wishes and fill out the forms. But, as you might guess, we ended up drinking wine and ringing in the new year without ever touching those forms.
A few years later, we felt it was time to get serious. Armed with pencils and good erasers, we faced questions that brought up a fear about mortality that we didn’t want to face. "Would you want all available treatments if diagnosed as terminal?" or "After an accident, would you want interventions like feeding tubes and dialysis?" It was overwhelming, so back in the drawer they went.
It was scary to talk about the idea of dying. But we weren’t getting any younger; we don’t have children, and our siblings and friends are as old as we are. My husband Charles and I had casually discussed what we might want, but if one of us died, who would speak for the living spouse? It was a very vulnerable feeling. That’s when we knew that completing Advanced Directives was for our protection and peace of mind.
Recently we had the good fortune and help from Jerrye Wright, RN, a health care manager, member of Celia’s House Board of Directors, and a former hospice nurse. She explained that these decisions come into play only when you can’t speak for yourself. In your Advance Directives, you can appoint more than one person to talk to your doctor about your condition and whether to try treatment measures for a short time– before making the final decision to stop.
The wisest advice Jerrye gave us was to ensure that our family or appointed representatives know what is important to us, as pieces of paper can get lost during stressful times. Charles and I appointed professional health representatives, made a list of all contacts that should be notified in case of our incapacitation, and sent a copy to everyone on the list.
We were surprised to feel comforted by knowing that our decisions could be based on individual circumstances, with the option to try treatments for a short time before making a final decision. Now, 10 years later, our Advance Directives are signed, and my next step is to send them to our doctors, hospitals, family members, and care managers.
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