Greetings Dear Community,

It will take several days (weeks?) for my body to find equilibrium.

This was deep.

You likely feel it, too. It was visible as television cameras panned the crowds gathered at the courthouse and George Floyd Square. There were no celebrations. There was only relief from bracing for a miscarriage of justice. Most of us are just taking a deep breath—the exhalation a sigh and a mournful reminder of how we got here in the first place.

We are bone tired; exhausted from generational trauma, from hyper-vigilance, from news of the recurring violence in this country.

This is not a celebration. It is a potent, single dose of relief.

Yesterday, as I watched the bailiff handcuff Derek Chauvin and escort him out of the courtroom, I couldn’t help notice how small he looked. Stripped of his uniform, his gun, his authority; he is just one man. A man who was not held accountable for behaviors that may have signaled what was ahead; over his 18-year career, there were 19 complaints filed against him, each one an opportunity to support transformation. Now the system that so powerfully shaped his sense of identity, of purpose—even his ideas of service—has turned on him, rejecting him for embodying sentiments that have been casually promoted throughout the country over the last decade.

Yes, his conviction sets a critical precedent. Yes, it was essential that high ranking officers denounced his behavior in court, but it was not just his uniform that licensed his behavior before that fateful day, it was also his whiteness. If white Americans are willing to be honest about the compliance that whiteness requires of people of color in the United States, perhaps we can all start to recalibrate our bodies toward new behaviors that reflect interdependence, humility, compassion, and care. But it will take, at the very least, that conscious and ongoing acknowledgement.

When the brutality of how systems reliant upon racism operate is made visible, there is an impulse to locate the totality of that violence in one person, rather than allow for the indictment of the structure itself. The need to distance oneself from Derek Chauvin disallows a self-reflective inquiry into what racist ideologies might have been similarly disciplined into us. It disallows a critical inventory of the interlocking systems that maintain white racial dominance and how they shape the behaviors of individuals. It wants to suggest the work may be done.

There is a great deal of work ahead.

We will need intentional, powerful coalition. We will need stamina and resiliency. We will need to listen deeply to those who have been most affected by the inequities so prevalent in our state.

But before we turn the page on this moment, I want to urge us into a deeply felt sense of justice. This is not enough, not nearly enough. Still, throughout American history, even this has been so rare.

We are required to spend so much time focusing on injustice, sometimes we don’t give ourselves permission to dream liberation.

Proximity to systems of power can make you sick when you are fighting to change them. We get swept up in trying to prove to those who are unaffected or who benefit from inequity that it exists, and leave little room to take care of own health and wellbeing. For all those who are putting their health and safety at risk by fighting daily against racism, I hope you can feel this moment. For all those who spend time away from their children and loved ones because you are caring for others bereft of their rights, I hope that you can feel into this moment. For all those who carry the generations-long burden of this work in your bones, I hope you can feel this moment. For all of those coming into your sense of self and potential leadership, I hope you can feel this moment. For all those who have not seen justice for yourselves or your loved ones, I hope this moment brings a small sense of progress.

Sometimes when the burden is put down, the cleansing tears come. Let them wash you.

Sometimes when the wait is over, the body shudders and shuts down. Let yourself rest.

Sometimes when the pain has been so great, laughter billows out like chaos. Let joy run rampant about you.

Feel this moment and be patient with whatever comes.

It is exactly what you will need for tomorrow.

One man convicted. An entire ecosystem ahead.

With abiding love,

Sarah