21st Century Congregations
July 2021
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When Discernment Turns the Tables
Loving the Questions is a Diocesan space of spiritual discernment in community supported by the Commission on Ministry. The Reverend Jennifer Gregg & I are entering our fourth year as coordinators for this community of discernment. This discernment space has evolved into an arena where not only those considering ordination discern, but also those considering non-ordained ministry direction. The 2021-22 iteration of Loving the Questions was conducted virtually via Zoom and included 30 participants with five facilitators.
The following testimonies are submitted by two of last year’s participants — Chris Leung and Rafael Rodriguez. Their sharing witnesses to the power of spiritual discernment in community, and reflects the radical surprises that unfold when one submits and opens oneself to the gift of discernment. Truly the unexpected happens! In other words, their sharing reflects what happens when discernment turns the tables. We thank them for taking the time to share their discernment process, what it has meant to them, and how it has unfolded in their lives.
Thank you Chris & Rafael from the Loving the Questions Team!
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Submission by Chris Leung
St. Marks, East Longmeadow/Lawrence House Intern 2021-22
“You gotta watch Slumdog Millionaire” my mentor told me, weeks ago when we were discussing my ongoing discernment process. I’m a fan of Marvel so action and adventure are the types of movies I tend to watch. I didn’t get what she meant and how it related to me until I finally watched it.
The main character finds himself on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? In his home country of India, somehow being able to answer every question right due to events that happened to him, from his mother dying, to reading a book with his brother, to seemingly random, painful and unrelated moments in life. It was so coincidental that halfway through the live show, the host had the police arrest him backstage to interrogate him and figure out how a ‘slumdog’ — someone who’s a nobody and poor — knew so much. He responds by explaining his life story. That was all he knew, not answers, but his own past. Ironically, in the end when the final question was revealed, he didn’t know the right answer even when he phoned a friend, yet he still managed to choose the right answer. He risked all the previous prize amounts he could have walked away with, and instead moved forward and made the biggest win in history.
That’s pretty much Slumdog Millionaire. And no, my story doesn’t resemble this — I didn’t win a million dollars! My mentor recommended this movie to me because of the way I explained small details and unrelated things from my past, and they somehow tie in with the importance of my discernment work now. Events of my past have become answers to questions in my present. She wanted me to see the ‘coincidence’ of life situations making sense in the present, and seeing the value of moments big and small as they will eventually aid in decision making, comprehension, and reflection for discernment.
There is nothing more real, more concrete, more practical than the right aids in discerning anything. These aids, I have come to find, really do come from your past. So much of who I am is fabricated in the things I have done, what I like and don’t like, events planned and unplanned for, unwanted experiences and joyous memories. All of our past contributes to needed revelation at the right moment as God seamlessly transcends through our life events and history to inform our present moment and guide us forward.
In these last few months, I lived my own Slumdog Millionaire moment. As I finished Loving the Questions 2020-2021, I was amazed at the variety of journeys my group mates and I were on. Yet we could identify with one another’s situation, relationships, that one job, our upbringing, our aids. We named these things and practiced filtering them through a lens that highlighted our abilities and our paths. Learning to interpret my own sense of calling brought about several realizations, such as “Wow, if I didn’t do this I would have never gotten there,” or “Man, God was watching me this entire time.”
If someone two years ago had asked me to consider being ordained, I would have found that extremely absurd and laughed at them. That was never something I thought of, considered, or even came close to the idea of. But after everything I have gone through to rewire my perspective, renew my spirit, and to humble myself before God, I have come to discern one of the biggest surprises of my life thus far. I discovered a passion for an Anglican tradition that aligns with my own biracial background and upbringing, my sensitivity to the needs of communities and awareness of the transcendent in me ready to act and serve — all of this grew and grew, and started to make sense when I was finally able to begin connecting the dots. This awakening was meant to help me see God walking with me, to trust in him, and lead me to being able to say yes to his path. My ability to not only answer a call and make decisions, but also trust in God while doing so is due to what God has revealed through my past, allowing me to comprehend the way forward by a greater understanding of events and how they are speaking together to give me direction. I’m coming to understand that church is not only a place for worship, not only a place for music, but is a community that I’m being called to shepherd his people through the sacraments and Christ like servanthood as an ordained minister.
That is amazing! It is an unfathomable thing to ponder the workings of our lives, and to make sense of our experiences. This ultimately requires God, for he is the one who gives us purpose, not ourselves. It is God who creates our roadmap to bring us to our destinations. I am made to walk with God as my guide, God as my fuel, and God as my source of understanding. In discernment, if I am to renew my mind and gain wisdom, I must be willing to choose the alternative, the uneasy, the mystery, the new, the change. I must willingly welcome ups and downs, trial and error. Ultimately, I must trust in God as he will reveal to me who and what I am through my growth, the molding of my character, and the strengthening of my foundations.
A willingness to stay open and curious while trusting in God; that’s discernment at its best.
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Submission by Rafael Rodriguez
In transition to the Episcopal Diocese of Massachusetts
A year ago, the lockdowns resulting from the Coronavirus pandemic left me with a lot of time to think and pray. I made several major life decisions during this period, one of which was to return to the Episcopal Church. Space does not permit me to delve into why I left in the first place or all the reasons that led me to return. I will only mention that I was a transitional deacon in a break-away Anglican jurisdiction who realized during the height of the George Floyd protests that the Episcopal Church’s ability to speak so powerfully to that moment was in part due to its rich tradition of social engagement and theological reflection. These were the Christians I wanted to serve alongside once again.
Fast forward to July of 2020, I had a rather detailed itinerary for how my life would play out over the next few years. I met with Canon Rich and Fr. Sam to go over my plans. Bishop Doug did not yet know this, but I would be starting seminary in the fall of 2021 under his oversight, and would eventually be ordained a priest and serve in the Diocese of Western Massachusetts. Canon Rich recommended I reconnect with my home parish in Clinton. I was living in California, so the 3-hour time difference meant I was logging on to Zoom at 7 AM for Sunday worship.
Canon Rich eventually recommended Loving the Questions. I remember thinking, “Loving the questions? What is there to ask? What is there to discern? I know I’m called to the priesthood. But it would be nice to make some new friends in my future diocese. Sure, sign me up!”
Loving the Questions found me at a time when the lockdown and Covid restrictions were putting me under serious stress as a high school teacher. It seemed like everyday I was being redirected; a new policy, a new guideline, new curriculum, new teaching strategies---it all put a strain on my own spiritual life. I was tired and isolated. The Northern California climate and local wildfires left me feeling stuck and depressed. I began seeing a therapist for the first time in my life.
As we began meeting together for our Loving the Questions sessions, hearing the conglomeration of New England and Dominican accents brought me right back to my childhood! However, I was a bit skeptical that a Zoom-based discernment program would be worth the time investment. I could not have been more wrong. To my surprise, time-and-time again, at the conclusion of each session, I found myself more grounded and spiritually aligned.
I began to look forward to catching up with my small group and hearing about the latest episode in their lives. We were introduced to amazing guest speakers, from monks to political activists.
Rev. Jenny’s silent spiritual meditations gave me that quiet space that I both longed for and feared during this season. It was the medicine I was so hesitant to accept. Craig’s spiritual autobiography reminded me that prayerful attention at the feet of Jesus is the ‘one thing needful.’ Indeed, to quote from Coptic Monk Fr. Matthew the Poor, since our ultimate purpose as God’s creatures is eternal communion with Him, then prayer becomes “our supreme concern, our main preoccupation, which outweighs all other cares; our duty, which challenges all other duties; our pleasure, which surpasses every other pleasure.” I had fallen into my own trap of seeing my Christian calling as primarily service. Holy service to be sure, but service nonetheless. “Follow me and I will make you fish for people.” My focus was on the second part. But the imperative here, the ‘follow me’, is where Jesus invites me into his presence. It’s in His presence where I find that our relationship isn’t characterized through a mere student-to-teacher dynamic. No, what I’ve seen is more beautiful than that. It’s inner healing. It’s God choosing to make God’s home with me in Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s this same Holy Spirit who, through baptism, brought me into the Body of Christ, where we all drink from this one Spirit. And if I have any ministry to offer on behalf of God to the world, it’s simply an overflow of this Trinitarian love, a love that compels me to go and “fish for people.” In other words, I found that my calling is first to a life in God before it’s a service to my neighbor. Not in order to give God my best and the left-overs to my neighbor, but in order that my neighbor can hear and see “Gospel” when I show up in the world. Communion with God in prayer is my first calling as a Christian. Everything else in my life flows from that.
Since joining Loving the Questions, I’ve gained some great new friends, especially in my small group. They’ve supported me as my seminary plans and ordination timeline turned upside down. My wife and I decided to move to Boston for her to pursue a career in nursing. I’ve recently accepted a teaching position working with at-risk high school students in Plymouth. Our cross-country move is scheduled for the last week of June. Everything's falling into place--thanks be to God! And yet, my dream of going to seminary as a postulant seems to have been postponed once again. However, instead of panic and frustration, I feel content, trusting I’m exactly where I need to be in this season. Thanks to Loving the Questions, I was given a coach to help me with this transition. We met biweekly to discern together what lay ministry will look like for me as I transition into the Diocese of Massachusetts. Currently, I’ve started an inquiry with an Episcopal religious community whose charisms seem to align with my passion for teaching, preaching, theology, and the Daily Office.
Ultimately, Loving the Questions helped me discern God’s ‘wait’ regarding ordination, as well as God’s ‘yes’ to lay ministry. It helped me really believe that by virtue of my baptism, I am a minister of Jesus Christ. Thanks be to God.
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Mr. Craig Hammond
Diocesan Evangelist
The Episcopal Diocese of Western Massachusetts
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The Episcopal Diocese of Western Massachusetts | 413-737-4786 | diocesewma.org
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