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Day 27: TIME

by Sara Barnes

Time -- the conflict causer and conflict resolver:

We all have our own time conceptions. For some, existence is measured in the context of the last seven generations or centuries. Others operate with the concept of the last seven years, weeks or seconds. There's a big range of time thinking. Where do you fall on that range?

Interpretations of time can shift based on the situation. An afternoon drags on endlessly, an exciting event passes in the blink of an eye.

Sometimes these differing impressions can explain why a dispute occurs.

If you've lived in a variety of cultures, sometimes what is “normal” about time in one place would be out of order in another. I’ve lived in cultures where getting pinned with a "late" arrival can result from being 10 minutes late to 2 hours behind schedule.

Or, in some cultures, there's no such thing as “late.”

Listen for time-based statements around you such as:

"I waited forever."

(How long is this person thinking defines forever?)

“You always demand that I hold to a rigid schedule.”

(What makes it rigid for the speaker?)

“You are never on time.”

(Is this true? What is "on time" for the speaker?)

“Let’s just go with the flow.”

(What would it take to forget time for a while?)

“You agreed to call at 10 -- by 10:10, I was angry.” 

(Did you know about a 10 minute window?)

“You wanted me to call on Monday, I called you, what difference does it make whether it's 10am or 2pm?”

(How casually or specifically is time conceived?)

The Past:

People’s concepts about time have to do with the past. Listening to others and learning about the way the past functions in their thinking can help facilitate understanding:

--> For some, an event has just occurred, for others, it's a distant memory.

--> For some, an event is easily forgotten -- the past is the past, for others, strong memories are easily triggered. 

Future Time Concepts:

Another diverging time concept from person to person is the future. Some are

filled-out calendar planners. For others, the future is a blank page and things unfold without planning. Some scrimp and save to prepare for the future. Others count on luck and good fortune.  

Exploring concepts of time, without judgment, can illuminate the role time may play in a challenging situation.  

Quality Time:

How family members manage their time is often a source of conflict. Each family member wants time away, time with, and defines those times differently. The term “quality time” is a helpful concept for thinking about family and time. 

Planning to spend quality time with family members can go a long way toward handling conflict quickly and effectively but requires some conscious attention: put away your devices, ask questions to learn more about the other person, look for the positives, and have fun being together.

No matter how you handle time, there’s a good chance that knowing each other better can reveal new pathways to a peaceful journey together.

However you spend your time, remember, we all handle time in our own unique ways.

Appreciate the complexity in our time concepts

&

find joy in being together during the holidays.

 Bodhi day this year is December 8 and January 7 and, in some places, days in between -- it's a day for celebrating enlightenment and teaching across

the Buddhist world.

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