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Words Matter:
"It was that one word he kept saying over and over."
"She kept poking at the wound with her words."
"The conflict would die down and then they would blame me another time and it would just flare up stronger."
Words matter, particularly in conflict. Conflict accelerants such as
She always, or He is so stubborn, or They were being idiots can be reframed into more neutral language.
Focus on the Facts:
When someone talks about something the other person does that they don't like, they might start with she always... This beginning sounds like an attack.
You can revise that statement into something like:
I have noticed a pattern of...(whatever the disliked action is).
The nuance of this reframing is: the first phrase (she always) puts the recipient on the defensive, so remove it. The second (identifying a pattern) sounds like neutral information, or a report separated from judgment.
Listen to Your Words:
Some of us have never considered how our choice of words might affect others. Or maybe you or someone you know may think, 'well I'm just plain spoken, I call things as I see them.' It's possible to be a straightforward speaker and still deliver your message with neutrality.
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