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World AIDS Day 2023—Remember and Commit
As we celebrate the 35th World AIDS Day on December 1st, we do so for two reasons. The first, and to me personally the most important, is to remember those we lost to the complications of AIDS, as we commit to those still living with HIV our full support and love. The second reason is to review our history and plan our future around HIV. This day of remembrance is especially emotionally draining on me as I have lost hundreds of friends to this virus. My first loss was my beloved Tivvis, and while that loss defined who I became and who I am today, it remains the loss that has never healed. This week has found me connecting with friends of his that I never knew and getting to know their stories, which makes me miss him all the more. When I say miss him, I refer to physically being able to be by his side and being able to hug him, but he is always in my heart and I feel his presence every day.
I encourage each of you to take time this week to go to The AIDS Memorial Instagram and Facebook page, and read the stories posted by loved one of their friends stolen from their midst by this cruel virus. The page presents the legacy of the AIDS epidemic with stories of love, loss, and remembrance. Have tissues on hand as they are emotional as well as powerful. It is a journey of courage, strength, endurance, and unconditional love. Open your heart to the messages presented. If you have lost someone to complications of AIDS, I also encourage you share their stories on the page. It is so important to remember and honor them. I have been blessed to know so many wonderful people through my involvement over the past 35 years. It's okay that the tears have never dried, for in each tear is a memory. Memories have become so valuable in keeping me focused and grounded. They remind me to pay attention to the simple things in life. They allow me to relive the things I shared with my loved ones and keeps them present in my mind and heart.
The one common denominator all my friends shared was they wanted to be remembered. So many times during the transition period as I was holding their hands, they would look me in the eye and with tears in their eyes say, "please don't forget me, remember me". That has always stayed with me, as has their memories. I understand in a reverse sort of way, because I find myself wondering as well as worrying if when I transition and see their youthful faces again, will they remember me? I'm now an old man and I fear they won't recognize me. I thought about getting a tattoo that says, “Hi, I'm Butch, do you remember me?” We were supposed to grow old together but that didn't happen. Trust me I know way too much about survivor's guilt. I try to remember the smiles and the laughter most of all. I drew strength in the era of death when after each memorial we honored them by going dancing. That seemed strange to outsiders, but trust me it was dance that kept us going. The grief was so heavy we knew not to dwell on it, or we would be useless to ourselves and others who depended on us. Grief would be put on hold. We danced on, some with walkers, some with rolling oxygen tanks, some in wheel chairs, but dance was our lifeline. So danced we did.
To all those who have moved onto the next realm we honor you today, and every day, for your courage, your bravery, your passion, your advocacy, and especially your love for us. You are our heroes and heroines. You changed the world and made it better. You pioneered a new healthcare model, you gave voice to the voiceless, you inspired others to love themselves, you gave unconditional love to all those close to you. You sacrificed for your families, friends and others, as well as for those you would never know that followed. Never think you aren't remembered and loved, for you are! Your legacy lives on. Thank you!
To those reading this message join me in committing to stay involved. To stand up and speak out against stigma, fear, and injustice. Commit to making things easier for those still living with HIV. Stay on the path of those who gave everything including their lives to make life better for others. We can do this. We can and will end AIDS. Hugs!
Yours in the fight,
Butch McKay
Remembering Tivvis!
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