What are we giving up when we give up our guilt and fear? Jesus says that we give up suffering, sadness, sense of loss, anxiety and doubt. Is that really a sacrifice? Would we not willingly want to release the pain that we experience in our lives? Yes, we certainly would if we recognized that guilt and fear are at the core of all of our dreams. Until we do, we are deceived. We think that we are giving up something valuable. We are giving up being right about who we are and what the world is. We want to be in control. We like to be in charge of our lives even if that is at the cost of our peace and happiness.

We have not understood what makes us free "nor where to look to find it." (W.321.1.1) We think we know what we need for ourselves to make us feel better and to be happy. Jesus tells us that fear is at the core of all of our dreams in this world. When we start to recognize that this is the case, we realize that it is all a mistake, but to get to this point we have to look at the thought system that has given rise to the separation. We have to look at all of the beliefs and values we hold and the self-concepts we cling to. We have to start to realize that we have bought into a story that is not true. It is a process of undoing that is not readily achieved because it means letting go of every attachment we have to everything in this world, including our own identity as we have circumscribed it. It is just an image that contains a name with which we identify, and a body, that we think is ourselves, separate from others, limited, needy, constantly seeking, constantly afraid and thus highly defended.
 
Do you recognize that holding onto your judgments, your opinions, your values, your specialness, your defenses, and even your anger, brings you pain? Perhaps to some extent we do. We judge some of our thoughts as 'bad' and hurtful to us, but we also believe that we have a lot of 'good' thoughts that we value highly. We think that we are right about our opinions and we defend what we think. We justify our perspectives and give evidence for our positions, but anything that is based on a desire for separateness, specialness, exclusion or aloneness is not of God. Jesus recognizes that it can be fearful for us to learn that all that we base our lives on does not exist. This thought alone brings up fear. That is why there is so much resistance to this teaching, but we are in charge of our own journey and do not have to fear that we will be hurled into Heaven. Our progress to awakening is under our own control. We will go as quickly or slowly as our fear will allow. Jesus is simply helping us to see the cost to us of holding onto our fear. He reminds us that "it takes great learning both to realize and to accept the fact that the world has nothing to give. What can the sacrifice of nothing mean?" (M.13.2.1-2)
 
In our identification with the body, our lives are ruled by fear. Until we awaken to who we are and remember that we have been given everything, there will be fear. What fear does is obscure the love that is there all the time. Why would we be so frightened of our abundance, of our success, of joy of our greatness, of intimacy? Because we feel unworthy. We judge ourselves as not deserving. Our belief in guilt and punishment take precedence, and our biggest fear is of the loss of the self that we have accepted as who we are. We have come to accept our lives of loss, failure, suffering, scarcity and finally death. "How lovely do the laws of fear make death appear." (T.23.II.15.7)(ACIM OE T.23.III.33) For all of us there is an attraction to death lurking behind our fears that makes death seem like a lovely option because we associate it with peace.
 
Fear keeps us from being playful, intimate, joyful, open, loving. We hide behind the images we have made that we think keep us safe. We keep our secrets hidden lest we be judged. We hide 'shameful' thoughts believing that they are the truth about us. We keep ourselves small, afraid of moving to a new level. Yet with each step we take to bring the darkness into the light, our confidence is renewed that there truly is nothing to fear. As the internal conflict in our minds is brought to healing, we get evidence in our lives of less conflict externally. It is not because things change in the world, but we change our minds about them. We no longer engage in that conflict. We look out from a place of greater peace. That is what forgiveness is all about. That is what brings more flow and greater giftedness into our lives.

This lesson can really make us wonder at the insanity of the ego. How can we want to hold onto suffering? And yet we do. We choose to hold onto our sense of loss, our sadness, our anxieties, worries and any number of forms of fear. Why? For one thing, we think that it is thrust upon us and that there is nothing we can do about it. We believe that we are the victim of what others have done to us. For another, we believe that we deserve to suffer for what we perceive we have done. And finally, we find something of value in it, otherwise we would let it go because we have the power to do so. "Look upon it, open-eyed, and you will nevermore believe that you are at the mercy of things beyond you, forces you cannot control, and thoughts that come to you against your will." (T.19.IV.D.7.4)(ACIM OE T.19.V.d.96) Every- thing we hold onto is in our own minds.
 
A dear friend recently wrote me about the beliefs that he was holding. He said that he felt he was beyond forgiveness, beyond redemption and deserved eternal damnation. He got in touch with his belief that he really had taken from God and had murdered Him. Then the belief showed up that the fall from grace and the separation was totally on him, and with that came great shame and unworthiness, which awakened the self-hatred and compounded the guilt tenfold and thus brought even more self-hatred.

While this is painful to experience, with that recognition came great healing because he realized that he was trying to handle his own ego all these years. He was trying to handle the torturer in his own mind and that will never bring any resolution. In that recognition he turned over his beliefs in scarcity, loss and death. As Jesus reminds us, in Chapter 4, "Leave the 'sins' of the ego to me. That is what Atonement is for. But until you change your mind about those whom your ego has hurt, the Atonement cannot release you. While you feel guilty your ego is in command, because only the ego can experience guilt." (T.4.IV.5.2-5)(ACIM OE T.4.V.61) Then he says, "This need not be." (T.4.IV.5.2-6)(ACIM OE T.4.V.61) It is our own thoughts that are torturing us. It is in giving over these thoughts that we find the peace that is within. It is in accepting the healing into our own minds that we can know our own innocence. There is nothing outside of our own mind. In his case, he was grieving a perceived loss, a shattered dream and lived in the trap of those thoughts. In that process, he could not accept his innocence, but instead he was projecting his beliefs in loss, grief, scarcity and death onto the character in his dream who seemed to be the cause of how he was feeling.

All that is called for is willingness to claim our innocence. When we hold onto our story, our agendas, and our indulgences, we are not making a decision for Heaven. With willingness we take the hand of Jesus and together go into the darkness and bring our dark and self-condemning thoughts to the light of truth. We need help. "You can never control the effects of fear yourself, because you made fear, and you believe in what you made." (T.1.VI.4.2)(ACIM OE T.1.I.93) Thus our part is not to do the healing ourselves because the ego will never undo itself. Our part is simply to be willing to look at our fear thoughts and bring them to the truth. The rest is done by the Holy Spirit.
 
It seems like a no-brainer to "gladly make the 'sacrifice' of fear," (W.323) which allows God's Love to "come streaming in to his awareness." (W.323.1) Yet resistance is strong. How can giving up fear be a sacrifice? Because we think that God is asking a sacrifice of us. We think that we have to pay off our debt to Him. We are told in the Bible that God asked His only Son, Jesus, to be sacrificed and die a horrible death. That is the image in our minds that we too have to pay off a debt to him. We do that all the time in our relationships don't we? We think that when we have done something hurtful that we have to somehow atone to the one we hurt. We need to find a way to make up for what we did. In the same way, we think we have to do something to atone with God in order to restore the relationship, but here Jesus says that that is not the case. We have been dreaming and nothing real has happened. We can simply awaken to the truth of who we are, and to do that, he is only asking one thing of us. He is asking only that we give up our fear, and in doing so, we sacrifice  nothing.
 
Do you notice how you hold onto your suffering, your sadness, your anxiety, worries, doubt thoughts and any number of fear thoughts? We made these thoughts and only we can choose to release them. Holding onto them blocks the love that God wants to bring streaming into our awareness. Yet holding onto these painful, distressing thoughts maintains that we are right about the way we see a situation. In order to maintain our individuality and specialness, we have been willing to pay the price of suffering. It truly makes no sense to keep our fear thoughts when all we are doing is keeping love out. All God is asking of us is to give up our suffering. Is that a sacrifice? We only can benefit and thus benefit the world.

Our entire journey in this world is about the undoing of fear, which is an essential part of the Atonement. Where does this fear come from? The Course tells us, "All fear is ultimately reducible to the basic misperception that you have the ability to usurp the power of God." (T.2.I.4.1)(ACIM OE T.2.I.15) That is the foundation of it all. Of course it is not something that we consciously are aware of. We have chosen to forget and instead we have a fundamental fear. We fear that we have changed our very nature, disrupted Heaven and made a self that is in opposition to God. But it is only a fearful dream and it is our choice how quickly we want to awaken from it. "If a light is suddenly turned on while someone is dreaming a fearful dream, he may initially interpret the light itself as part of his dream and be afraid of it." (T.2.1.4.6)(ACIM OE T.2.I.15). The truth about our- selves is that we are only love and nothing else. Anything else that we think is only the dream, the illusion about ourselves. "The fear of God is fear of life, and not of death." (T. 23.IV.1.2)(ACIM OE T.23.V.47) It is fear of love.
  
This is a powerful lesson that you can apply specifically to any thoughts that are taking precedence in your mind today. Look at the thoughts you are obsessing about. What is at the core of those thoughts? In other words, what is the content behind them? Is it fear, unworthiness, hate, frustration? Bring this content to light so that it can be dissolved. It takes great willingness and lots of discipline and practice to do this work, but the only 'cost' to you is the "sacrifice" of fear. Notice any resistance to giving up these thoughts and recognize that the resistance is about justifying why you should feel the way you do. It is the story that is running in your mind. This need not be. We can make a choice today, with every fear thought that crosses our minds, to accept the Atonement (correction), and thus the love, peace and joy within can return to our awareness.