DAILY BREAD TO OPEN NEW THEME PARK IN DANBURY

DANBURY, CT. First published in 1865, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland has inspired movies, plays, and a legendary rock song. Now, Daily Bread is to create a “multi-million dollar” theme park based on the beloved children’s classic. Visitors will follow Alice down the rabbit hole as she navigates the bizarre world of Pantryland.

We sat down with ALICE in Pantryland spokesperson, Carol Lewis, to find out more.

Q. Why an Alice in Pantryland theme?

A. ALICE is food insecurity-speak for the main demographic group served by Daily Bread, so it's a natural fit.

Q. Don't you think food insecurity is a depressing subject for a theme park?

A. Not at all! Getting your car stolen is also pretty depressing, but you can still enjoy playing Grand Theft Auto. We are just extending that concept into theme parks.

Q. A theme park is very expensive to develop. You say this will be a "multi-million dollar" investment. How can Daily Bread afford it?

A. Great question! You'll note that we always use scare quotes around "multi-million dollar" to indicate it's more of an idea than a fact.

Q. Could you elaborate on that?

A. Look, building a physical theme park is very old-school. You need a ton of money AND a massive amount of land. We are going to get around all that by giving each visitor a virtual reality headset so they feel like they are in a multi-million dollar theme park.

The Rabbit Hole Ride will be how visitors "enter" Pantryland

Q. And you think that will be as good as Disney World?

A. Not by itself, no. The technology isn't quite there yet. So we are also going to give each visitor some mild hallucinogens.

Q. What? Isn't that rather dangerous?

A. Not at all. We've had the whole thing looked at by a team of top "doctors." Just in case, each visitor will sign a waiver that our lawyers have assured us is bulletproof.

Q. So you aren't worried about giving drugs to visitors?

A. Let me put it this way: at traditional theme parks, folks ride on 100mph roller coasters bolted together by low-bid contractors and overseen by bored teenagers. Mind-altering drugs are much safer in comparison! And don't forget, hallucinogens feature prominently in Alice in Wonderland. You've got a hookah-smoking caterpillar, and Alice herself is a total stoner.

Q. How are you going to find space for visitors to park?

A. Thanks to the amazing generosity of the Alice Liddell Foundation, we have purchased the land opposite the pantry and will ferry visitors back and forth on a stereorail.

Artist's Impression of the stereorail

Q. What's that now?

A. A stereorail. Like a monorail, but with better sound.

Q. Will there be any other tangible elements to the theme park?

A. Oh, yes! Once the drugs wear off, the munchies kick in. Visitors will be able to enjoy a tea party in our new second-floor Alice's Restaurant, hosted by the Mad Hatter. How very Danbury-themed is that? We'll get volunteers to play all the Alice in Wonderland characters and serve the food.

Q. And what if your volunteers refuse?

A. Off with their heads!

Check out the Daily Bread Merch Store for ALICE in Pantryland-themed souvenirs!

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