Rossmoor End of Life Concerns Club

Walking in Rossmoor, photo by Jane Lidz

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President’s Message

A Personal Reflection

My life partner, Bess, and I were recently called to come and say farewell to her sister. We went and returned, and two days later her sister passed on. Today was the day her remains were to become ash, and I felt I wanted to share the following.

I have never seen the incinerated remains of a human being, but, as I write this, what’s left of Bess’ sister, Cris, is at the crematorium. When we were called to come to Albany, New York and say goodbye, it was early in the dying process, and we got to share with her little bits of her past and to try and explain the here and now. She was still aware of our presence and the rest of her surroundings as she lay in the middle of the living room in the hospital bed provided by hospice. I had only known Cris for about six years, and having only briefly visited her and her husband, Ed, a few times, I had never known either of them as the highly functional, accomplished university professors they had been. What happens to all that knowledge and mental competence as we fade into late life, I wondered. Of course, Bess had known Cris as only sisters do. They had been Crissie and Bessie back in Fort Wayne, Indiana, and their lifelong relationship amounted to a wide range of experiences and emotions.

Returning in my thoughts to the reality of holding her hand as her life was ebbing, I recalled that I hadn’t been present at the moment of death of any of my loved ones. But here I was being close by as the essence of Cris’ life was fading. Now I ponder what I will find in the stark reality of those ashes or in their symbolism.

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CLUB PRESIDENT JIM GREENBERG AND BESS CHOSAK, DEATH CAFE CO-FACILiTATORS

The Rossmoor Death Café will meet on Friday, SEPTEMBER 11, from 3:30 to 5 p.m. in the Vista Room at the Hillside Clubhouse. Sorry, no Death Cafe in the month of August.

Though not a grief support or therapy group, our Death Café offers a safe place for participants to bring up such end-of-life issues as Advanced Healthcare Directives, how to talk about final plans and wishes with your family, and other late life concerns. Here is the poem read at July's Death Café.

Where Is God?

It's as if what is unbreakable -

the very pulse of life - waits for

everything else to be torn away,

and then in the bareness that

only silence and suffering and

great love can expose, it dares

to speak through us and to us. 

It seems to say, if you want to last,

hold on to nothing. If you want

to know love, let in everything.

If you want to feel the presence

of everything, stop counting the

things that break along the way.

--Mark Nepo 

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GLORIA GLUSKIN, FILM CHAIR

Our next movie presentation, "His Three Daughters" will be shown on Monday, September 15, 2025. In this film, tensions arise as three distant sisters reunite in NYC to care for their sick father. They confront past issues, aiming to heal family bonds amid laughter and tears.

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RICHARD NAEGLE, TREASURER

Here’s an “opinion piece” from last December, which we hope might stimulate some contemplation over this vacation month of August.

The concerns at the end of life are more than counting down the days we might have left. We need to say a full yes to living here and now. As we look at the arc of our lives, many chapters have closed (on relationships, jobs, roles, abilities, etc.). Now in our last chapters, what will make for a good life? How do we deal with issues of meaning, forgiveness, true connection, blessing, and generative activity for ourselves and society? 

It has been said that youth is a gift of nature but aging is a work of art. How do we bring creativity, imagination and compassion even as we try to make friends with death? Of course, it is important to have Advanced Directives and a POLST, to talk with our doctor and family about final wishes, to deal with financial realities: Thinking about death makes life very sweet and sacred. Now.

Our true power is in living and manifesting our values in the facts of our current lives as we become elders and not just olders. As the poet, Mary Oliver, writes, “what are you going to do with your one wild and precious life?” 

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Please visit our New Club Website!

 https://www.rossmooreolcc.org/

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MARLEY MIDDLEBROOK, MEMBERSHIP CHAIR

Thank you for supporting our work at the End of Life Concerns Club. Just a reminder, no Death Cafe, movie or program during the month of August.

If you would like to join or renew your membership you may do so at the next Death Cafe, or drop off a check to the Gateway mailbox. Membership is $20 per year and is a great way to be involved in the community.

Contact Marley Middlebrook at marleypsyd@me.com or (925) 385-0336

Jim Greenberg, President

endoflifeconcerns@gmail.com

(412) 736-2317