|
By Jan Braby
Many people have heard the term “advance directive” or “five wishes” but have no idea what it refers to.
Basically, an advance directive -- five wishes is an alternative type of an advance directive -- describes, in writing, what you want or don’t want. It tells others what to do with your care or how to handle your finances if you are injured and can’t express your wishes. You can complete an advance directive if you are 18 or older and of sound mind. There are various advanced directives (listed below) but for now, let’s just explain in general terms the power of attorney forms.
A power of attorney, or POA, is a legal document that allows one person to act on behalf of another in various matters, such as financial or health care decisions. The person granting this authority is called the principal, while the person receiving it is known as the agent or attorney-in-fact.
A power of attorney is a legal document giving one person (the agent or attorney-in-fact) the right to make certain decisions for another (the principal). The broadest of these documents is known as a general power of attorney, though other, more specific POAs can limit the power of an agent for certain topics. You may, for instance, want to give your real estate agent a limited financial power of attorney in order to handle the sale of your home. In another situation, you may give your spouse or adult child health care power of attorney, so they can make medical decisions on your behalf if you become incapacitated. The scope of an agent’s powers depends on both the type of POA you use and the terms outlined within it, so it’s important to take special care when drafting any power of attorney document.
Creating a POA requires selecting an agent, drafting the document according to state laws, and understanding risks and safeguards associated with it.
Filling out the form is the easy part of completing this document. The difficult part is determining your wishes and, most important, having an honest discussion with your agent about those wishes. Below are some very practical things to consider and conversation starters on this matter.
Completing an advanced directive can be daunting enough, not to mention then needing to express your wishes to your loved ones. Navigating how to have those conversations with your family can bring up lots of emotions. Maybe they’ve told you they don’t want to talk about it -- after all, you’re going to live forever! Here are a few helpful reminders and prompts for these essential conversations.
Remember:
- Your feelings are valid! It’s OK to be anxious or sad about these conversations. They are vulnerable things to talk about. Make sure you are kind to yourself and true to yourself as you make these decisions.
- When completing your advance directive, it’s about what YOU want. Be sure to distinguish other people's attempts to educate you about your options from attempts to pressure you to make a particular choice because that’s what they want.
Conversation starters and other phrases:
- When addressing loved ones, you might say, “I would like to have a difficult conversation with you. I know it might be uncomfortable, but you are important to me, I love you and I want you to know what my wishes are now rather than waiting until a point when I might not be able to communicate those wishes to you.”
- If/when family pushes back after you have shared your wishes: “You don’t have to agree with my choices but you do need to honor/respect them.”
- If family pushes back and doesn’t want to have the conversation, you might say, “I understand that this might be uncomfortable for you, so we don’t need to discuss this further right now. Just know that I have made all of my wishes clear in this advance directive and I am giving you a copy or placing it ___________ so you can have access. If you change your mind and want to talk about it, know I am here for you.”
- When you have chosen someone else to be your agent and someone is upset or confused: “__________, you are important to me and I love you dearly. My choices are clear and I don’t want to put you in the difficult place for implementing those things if or when that time comes in my medical journey. I have asked _____________ to do that for me so you can focus on just being my daughter/son/spouse, etc."
If you designate one of your children to be the agent, it is very important to let your other children know your wishes. This declaration will help ease tensions and disagreements at the time the document needs to be activated. As you can imagine, it is difficult enough for the agent to declare that life-sustaining measures must be ended (that being the person’s wishes) without one’s siblings disagreeing with that decision.
If a person resides in more than one state, different advance directives may need to be completed because one state’s document may not be recognized by a different state.
The Wisconsin Department of Health Services has advance directive forms online. These forms are meant to be completed without the help of an attorney. However, a person may have a situation or concern where they may want to seek legal advice from an attorney.
The forms include:
- Declaration to Health Care Professionals (Wisconsin Living Will)
- Power of Attorney for Health Care
- Power of Attorney for Finance and Property
- Authorization for Final Disposition
You may also get these forms, or similar forms, from your attorney, doctor, or hospital.
- If one is printing advance directive forms from the internet, print and complete all pages of the form. The form must be complete and signed to be valid.
- The Declaration to Health Care Professionals (Wisconsin Living Will) and Power of Attorney for Health Care forms also have letters that are not part of the legal form. The letters contain information one should read before completing the form.
- The forms have standard wording that comes from Wisconsin law. If one completes and signs a form correctly, it is recognized as valid in the state of Wisconsin.
- Changing the forms in any way that goes against the instructions may make the form invalid.
- If the forms don’t meet one's needs, contact an attorney.
If one has substantial financial accounts, seeing an attorney to complete the Power of Attorney for Finance and Property would probably be the best idea. As stated previously, various assets may require a number of agents who can best handle the specific asset upon one’s need for direction in that matter.
Many attorneys have a set fee to complete all the advance directive forms. This makes the process easy but remember, thought and discussion are the most important parts of completing the documents. All advance directives should also be reviewed periodically as situations may merit adjustments to what is declared.
Once completed, keep these forms in a safe place. Copies of the Living Will and Power of Attorney for Health Care forms should be given to one’s agent, doctor, and choice of hospital. A copy of the Power of Attorney for Finances again should be given to one’s agent. If completed by an attorney, that firm should also retain a copy.
The importance of completing these forms cannot be emphasized enough. If they are not in place and a person is in need of medical intervention, steps need to be taken to declare a person mentally incompetent and then proceedings to secure guardianship of a person need to take place. In the case of one’s assets, settling of the person’s estate may be delayed for years.
To ease the burden to one’s family, getting these forms completed and filed appropriately gives everyone peace of mind. Do yourself and your loved ones a favor and take care of completing these very important documents as soon as you can.
Jan Braby is a member of the Older Adult Ministry Group.
| 
